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Any Advice, What Do I Need To Do?


Cait
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Hi, sorry for a really sad post, but I'm feeling a bit numb and can't get my brain in gear.

 

My Deputy died suddenly of a massive heart attack this morning. What do I need to do, do I notify Ofsted? the taxman (she'd been on SSP since Easter, but it was 'in house' not money sent by the taxman to pay her)? what??

 

How do I tell the Preschool parents?

 

I'm hoping none of you have been in this position, but may know what I do now.

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Hi Cait,

I could not read and run.Just wanted to send you a big hug and say I am so sorry what dreadful news.

I don't have any practical advise but do you have an early years advisor who may be able to help?

I am sure someone else will have better advice.

Big hug and remember to take care of yourself.

Biker.

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So sorry to hear about your Deputy Cait. No wonder you are feeling numb after such a shock and also the loss of such a close colleague. It is awful having to think about practicalities at such times when there is so much sadness at the loss of a friend. Do take time for yourself, and there will be many of us on here thinking, and praying, for you all. (((Cait)))

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How awful I'm so sorry Cait :o I've not been through it or anything so don't really have any good advise but what I would say is try and get a letter to the parents before you start back - this obviously depends on if you are term time only and also how many parents you have because of the cost of postage etc but if I was in your place I would definitely rather the parents hear the news in a calm and to the point way (by letter) and not have to tell them face to face - probably numerous times. But that could be me just being a coward.

 

However you do it take care of yourself, this must be one of the hardest things you will have to cope with for your job xD

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Oh Cait i'm so sorry to hear your sad news.

I would certainly contact your local Early Years Advisor for support and guidance, or your Development worker if you are part of the PSLA.

As for informing parents when we sadly lost a staff member we wrote a short letter to all of them.

Big hugs to you all and don't forget to take care of yourselves.

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Hi,

 

I'm so sorry. I don't really know what you need to do, but I couldn't just read your sad news and say nothing. Do you have other staff and a committee to support you? Personal phone calls to the parents might be the nicest way to let them know but that could be too much emotionally for just you to do on your own. Your EYAT might be able to give some practical advice on handling the emotional side of this for you all.

 

I do hope someone else has more practical advice but my thoughts are with you.

 

Sharky.

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No useful advice, I just want add condolences at losing not only a work collegue but a possibly friend also.

 

I would second writing letters to parents- giving them as families time to come to terms with it before the start of term.

 

 

xxxxx

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So very very sorry to hear this news Cait, can only imagine how you are all feeling. I would take advice from her family, when they are up to talking to you about how they would like this sad news to be passed on to parents.

 

Thinking of you all

 

Claire

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Oh gosh Cait, thats awful xD

 

In your position I'd write a very short factual note to ofsted and the tax man and let them sort things out from their end.

Then write a note to your parents, telling them as much as her family are willing to be told.

 

You live in a small village dont you? So chances are people will know anyway. Hugs to all concerned :o

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Yes a lot of parents DO know, and there's been a bit of facebook chat I notice, I think it's better to let them know properly though. Her partner is happy that I do, I'm just waiting for info about funeral arrangements and it can all go in the one note then.

 

I've known her for 20 years or so and worked with her for most of those. It was just the two of us at Preschool for many years and it's grown and grown since the early days. It was a good ride and there's some great memories which I'll keep at the front of my mind in the weeks ahead.

 

Thanks all

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So very sorry to hear this Cait, what a terrible shock for you. I hope the strength of your community will help you all through this tough time as you all share such strong emotions. 20 years of memories will hopefully help you to get through this.

 

Much love to you and her family.

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So sorry Cait to hear your sad news,

 

If the funeral is before you all return perhaps you could let parents know via a text or e mail as some may wish to attend?

If it after you are back perhaps a meeting with them.

 

for your children maybe a memory box where item could be gathered and looked at from time to time eg photo''s picutres fav stories and so on

 

After Ofsted and TAX people maybe your advisory team that work for your LEA (We work closely with ours)

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Oh Cait!

 

Sending love and hugs... hope you get the practical support you need so you can concentrate on the emotional... take care of yourself.

 

Perhaps an email to Ofsted? They'd then have the information if they need it, without putting yourself through a distressing telephone call.

 

Nona x

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Sorry Cait, I've got no advice but I think everyone else is right, letters to parents and email to Ofsted seems sensible. Maybe ask for advice in the email, I would imagine there is some sort of pack that either Ofsted or the LEA would have with key information about things that need to be done in your situation.

I don't know if you've thought this far ahead yet but when The head of a school I worked at died we held a memorial service for him after school a few days after the funeral. His wife and grown up children came, as did many of the parents, and several staff got up and said a few words, sharing memories about him over the years. It was a lovely occasion although very sad and it gave us all the chance to let his family know how much he meant to us all. I know they really appreciated it and it was nice to hear from staff who had known him at the start of his career and to hear about the journey that had made him the amazing boss that he was. I understand that at the moment you will be in shock and probably not ready to think about this kind of thing yet but I just thought I'd share this with you because it was a really nice way for everyone to pay tribute.

Thinking of you Cait, I hope you find the advice you need xxx

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Oh Cait, what sad news from you tonight. I've worked with some of my colleagues for nearly 20 years and so I can imagine some of what you are feeling. Can't help with the practicalities I'm afraid, but I would contact all the parents directly and as has been mentioned some kind of memorial service might be good to have. I assume that a lot of parents of the children you have had in the last 20 years or so would also like to know, perhaps you could ask the family if you could put a piece in the local newspaper as a tribute to her and all the work she did for the children.

 

Thinking of you dear Cait.

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What dreadful news Cait. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

The advice to speak to her family is good - ask them about what they would like you to do about telling your families, although I know you are in a small community so it is entirely possible the news has spread already.

 

If it were me I would email Ofsted to let them know in due course but this isn't a priority for you at this stage. If I remember rightly you have another deputy who will presumably be returning to work as normal in September? Other than the obvious emotional response to your colleague's death, and the need to support children and families (and your staff team of course) the running of the group will go on as normal so there is no immediate panic as far as Ofsted is concerned.

 

I wouldn't have thought that speaking to the taxman is a priority either. That can all be sorted later when you and her family are feeling stronger. You can find out what to do from the hmrc web site here. However I would suggest you don't look at it now because it is all very factual and to be honest you're probably not in the right place just now to face the practicalities, unless you have to make a payment for any outstanding wages sometime soon. Although having said that, I'm sure this is probably the last thing on the mind of the family just now.

 

I would be inclined to advise you to forget about all the 'business' side of things for now and just concentrate on taking time to grieve, and to process what has happened. No doubt your deputy's family will need support over the next few days and weeks but make sure you are kind to yourself. You have had a huge shock and need time to come to terms with what has happened.

 

Send an email to your LA and let them know what has happened. They should rally round with whatever support you need, whether practical or emotional.

 

Take care Cait and remember we're here for you if you need us.

 

Mx

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Sending hugs and thoughts Cait..

 

I agree with Maz on the business side of things..if you have another deputy (and your friend was on long term sick) then the operational side of things hasn't changed

 

I have no experience with HMRC other than I've heard it's 'matter of fact' so probably not the best time to be dealing with it

 

A letter or card to families..maybe a poster up at the setting and this signposted from Facebook so if they haven't received the letter then they can still get information. i would maybe ask them to let you know what they have said to their children so you know what to expect at the return of term

 

A memory box is a fab idea...we've been using shoe boxes with objects inside that represent us, the children etc - the children absolutely love them and provide a great talking point/comfort

 

be sure to take care of yourself too Cait - from all your posts i see you as a mother hen so you'll probably be too busy taking care of everyone else and may forget about your needs - keep strong and hang on to those memories

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So sorry Cait.. and in a small community it does seem to magnify things a bit..

 

 

Take time for yourself as well

 

Think most have covered ideas and do think the letter/card to all parents a good idea.. easier then calling and more personal than an email..

 

A memory book is also something you could consider doing , allowing parents and children add to it - we did one for a family when a child died.. we gave them the book and they had others add to it at home, in our case the family were grateful and a few years later came and thanked us as it was often looked at by the family.

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good advise from the forum as always.

As someone who too has worked with colleagues for many years I can imagine the shock and that Nothing ever stays the same and the awful realisation that non of us are invincable! The suddeness of it magnifies the impact and no wonder you are feeling numb! Sending you love and a big hug Cait

Andrea x

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