Just letting it all out

[Rea]

Hello everyone,

 

Its a long time since I've had to deal with irate parents and upset staff so here's my last few days....

 

Last Friday I was messaged by our level 2, could I please phone her.

I did.

 

A parent told her she feels her child is being picked on by the manager after the manager had refused to give the child a reward when everyone else got one.

The parent asked that the level 2 didnt tell the manager about this conversation.

 

Level 2 was really uncomfortable hearing this so told me. I wrote down everything and asked her to do the same.

 

I spoke to the parent on Monday morning.

She confirmed what level 2 had told me adding the manager had said she didnt feel she could give her child a reward even when she was good.

 

I replied that some children, including her's had had a challenging week, her child had kicked 3 members of staff, thrown toys, not shared, refused to follow routines and manager had probably not relayed her actions sufficiently as I'd never seen her show favouritism or dislike of any child.

 

Parent said she knew child hadnt behaved well but 'they've (staff) had training in behaviour management and should be able to deal with it'. She was highly sceptical that manager wasnt aware of the issue as her and the level 2 are friends. I had to stress, she'd asked level 2 not to tell and so she hadnt.

 

I spoke to manager on Tuesday.

Parent had told manager how she deals with consistent poor behaviour and manager had tried to follow it. She had at no time told the parent the child had been good but still could have a reward. Very angry and upset manager. She asked did I think she should take child out. I said no, she goes to school Sept, it would be unsettling, but of course it wasnt my decision.

 

Spoke to parent who said manager had definitely said she wouldnt give a reward and questioned was I going to believe her or manager.

I lost my temper a tiny bit and said 'the manager'.

Parent stormed back into the church hall, grabbed child and belongings and left. Said she'd got a visit set up for this afternoon (other setting) Refused to speak to manager when she asked.

 

Tonight parent has messaged manager on her private facebook account asking to meet to discuss things. I've had to text that it would be lovely to meet but after saying a member of staff is picking on her child, I cant let them meet alone and parent is quite welcome to bring someone to the meeting. I also suggested she write down what she can of the conversations so far and what she would like to talk about at the meeting.

 

I've written up everything and asked all staff who spoke to parent or overheard to write up everything too.

 

I dont know what I want you lovely people to do with this, I just had to get it all out!!!!

 

Wish I'd let hubby give me a glass of wine now!

 

[Susan]

Oh Rea!

 

What a tricky situation. You do need to support the staff but try to make sure you are not seen to be taking sides.

Parent is upset and everyone being confrontational is not going to help child who I guess is central to this.

I do think that if everyone else got a reward then perhaps Manager could/ should have qualified something that the child had done well and have given a reward to child too. I would be pretty upset, as a parent, if I thought my child had been singled out in this way. Not very good for child's self esteem either.

 

However, this is one of those tricky situations where perhaps rewards are not the right path. Difficult situation but may give you all some thinking time. Should the child have their own behaviour plan for example that they can be rewarded against alongside the others, if the behaviour is challenging.

 

Good luck with the meeting.

[lashes2508]

Oh Rea , feeling for you but you sound like you have approached everything the right way , hopefully the meeting will bring things to a close and an opportunity to move forward with a better understanding.

As parents I think many of us would feel disillusioned that our child was ' singled out ' even if this was not the intention of the manager , parent is obviously aware that her child has some behaviour needs but why reward all the children , some of ours get pasta points but not all at the same time .

 

I think it would be wise to encourage apologies from both sides for misunderstanding , reinforce the open door policy that parents should come and talk to the manager first not other staff ( friend or not) and hopefully this situation can be resolved, evaluated and reviewed for future.

 

Good luck and have that glass of wine , sounds like you need it. X

[lsp]

Oh dear - I think you have done the right thing and tried to keep it on a professional level. Assume no places at other setting??? Maybe have a staff meeting around groups use of rewards to ensure everyone agrees and understands how they will work and reminders of groups policies on information sharing, confidentiality and friendships with parents?? It won't do any harm.

[finleysmaid]

Advice........... :rolleyes: Just have the glass of wine !

[hali]

Here here Finleymaid ::1a ::1a ::1a ::1a ::1a - good luck Rea xxx

[Panders]

Oh Rea, must be the season for it!! Maybe the planets are in some weird alignment at the moment affecting everybody's mood - we too have had a rough few days lately.

 

Keeping calm is an art. I do hope the meeting goes well for you all, if it takes place today.

 

Do come back on later and have that glass of wine with us all.

[Rea]

Thanks everyone. She wasnt singled out exactly, she was spoken to and asked if her behaviour should get a reward. Mom had said she uses a chart at home so manager made one for the key groups, not individual ones.

 

I know what you're saying about being singled out, but I really doubt our manager would pick on anyone!!

 

Anyway, just spoke to Ofsted who have assured me enough that I can now pop and see manager who, by all accounts is in teh cupboard crying.

 

 

P.S I left playgroup in 2005

[Cait]

Oh crumbs, what a mess! I hope the meeting goes well. If anyone can sort this out, I have total faith that it's you! I think the recent high winds have made everyone edgy!

[louby loo]

 

 

 

P.S I left playgroup in 2005

 

You 'thought' you left in 2005!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Sounds like you've done everything by the book.... hope poor manager is out of the cupboard now and perhaps 'wine-ing' with you now instead . :1b

[Rea]

 

You 'thought' you left in 2005!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Sounds like you've done everything by the book.... hope poor manager is out of the cupboard now and perhaps 'wine-ing' with you now instead . :1b

 

Poor manager is still wobbly. Ofsted were fab. No wine though but good idea :1b

 

Oh crumbs, what a mess! I hope the meeting goes well. If anyone can sort this out, I have total faith that it's you! I think the recent high winds have made everyone edgy!

 

I told mom the winds would have had something to do with it! Not sure about having faith in me though, my feeling at the moment is to let her do her worst. She put a written complaint in last autumn because her child cut her own hair, not good obviously but the result was all scissors were taken out of free use. Prior to that she complained that staff were letting children sit on their laps, this is unfair to others as laps arent big enough to accommodate ALL children and she complained that staff shouldn't deal with money in the session, well thats actually when parents pay!

 

So, I'm in a 'dont care' mood , but with rather more swearing :rolleyes:

[Mouseketeer]

Your manager is really lucky to have you fighting her corner :-)

 

I Just tell them that as much as I am sorry they feel that the setting isn't meeting all their expections and as sorry as we would be to lose ****** you are free to use your funding elsewhere ..... For that see ' good riddance' ;-p

[Rea]

I'm ready for a proper fight now!!!

 

Manager has told me she's written a letter handing in her resignation

 

Its so sad that one person can bad mouth another out of a job she loves and is fab at.

 

I'm spitting feathers right now!!! :angry: :angry:

[Rea]

Your manager is really lucky to have you fighting her corner :-)

 

I Just tell them that as much as I am sorry they feel that the setting isn't meeting all their expections and as sorry as we would be to lose ****** you are free to use your funding elsewhere ..... For that see ' good riddance' ;-p

 

Oh thats going to happen for sure now!!

[louby loo]

 

Oh thats going to happen for sure now!!

 

Good.

 

Parents seem to getting worse lately (although we do have plenty of lovely ones too).

I blame the 'free' childcare it gives has no monitory value.. therefore we have no real value either.

[Mouseketeer]

That's a valid point Louby Lou, some seem very demanding and rude now and bring up anything to cause trouble.

 

I hope you can talk your manager round Rea :-(

[zigzag]

Oh Rea what a nightmare for you all. So sad that the manager has resigned, hope she will change her mind. Seems that the parent is high maintenance and likes to stamp her feet a bit. Agree with the comment above that since funding was introduced a minority of parents act like spoiled brats!

I hope your manager changes her mind and the parent decides to leave you in peace and attend another setting!!

[Rea]

I've made her laugh and smile and used lots of very inappropriate language as well as supportive and uplifting, hopefully this is a very understandable blip in an otherwise very successful year, we had a Requires improvement 12 months ago, we just received a GOOD in all areas, so I have plenty of stuff to throw at her to keep her.

 

I've also written a letter of congratulations to all staff, highlighting manager and staffs commitment to the children and families, that will hopefully stomp out any gossip.

 

 

I found a bottle of wine to open too......at least, I hope it was me you meant Louby Loo

[Mouseketeer]

That's brilliant....I'll be looking for a new chair next year Rea...hope you don't have anything else planned ;-p

[Fredbear]

Oh Rea, well if anyone can help to resolve this, then I can't think of anyone better to do so than you.

Unfortunately we do have families from time to time that are more challenging than others. Keeping an open dialogue with parents is key to let them know you take their concerns seriously, however supporting the staff is also vital in what is becoming a more difficult role to perform.

 

Sometimes you can do no more than you do, and discussions might have to be held to explore if this is the right setting for them if they are so disatisfied with the service on offer with you.

 

Wishing you well with this..Fx

[Rea]

That's brilliant....I'll be looking for a new chair next year Rea...hope you don't have anything else planned ;-p

Nothing, just having my nails pulled I think............... :lol: :lol:

[Cait]

Has the parent continued to bring the child to sessions during all this?

 

I would suggest to the mum that as relationships have irretrievably broken down now, that she should look elsewhere - oh you already have? Ok I will forward all Jimmys paoerwork to them.

[sunnyday]

Hi Rea - sorry I came to this so late - good for you - your pre-school are so lucky to have you :1b

[Rea]

She bought her all last week Cait, it was one of my arguments, if you're unhappy, you dont come do you? Especially if you think your child is being picked on! Plus she didnt want the level 2 to tell the manager what she'd said! That was really weird dont you think?

 

 

The last correspondence was a text to me telling me she was taking advice the next morning and she would be in touch...nothing so far.

 

 

Anyway, the manager has text me tonight apologising for 'being a tit'. So, thats good and she's staying. I think the staff gave her hell at the idea of her leaving, so she's feeling supported and loved.

 

Just hope everything settles, but I'm not taking my flak jacket off just yet

Edited February 4, 2016 by Rea

[Cait]

She bought her all last week Cait, it was one of my arguments, if you're unhappy, you dont come do you? Especially if you think your child is being picked on! Plus she didnt want the level 2 to tell the manager what she'd said! That was really weird dont you think

Yes I agree, she's not taking it as seriously as she wants you to believe. It'll be a storm in a teacup. But she does need to be made aware of the upset she's caused, or it'll all happen again next term! How long till her child is meant to leave?

[Rea]

Yes I agree, she's not taking it as seriously as she wants you to believe. It'll be a storm in a teacup. But she does need to be made aware of the upset she's caused, or it'll all happen again next term! How long till her child is meant to leave?

September! ::1a ::1a ::1a ::1a

 

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately :rolleyes:

[trekker]

 

 

 

 

I blame the 'free' childcare it gives has no monitory value.. therefore we have no real value either.

 

Yes...I've felt this too...I noticed the change gradually ever since first funding came in...that's when the real struggles to fill committee spaces and do any decent fundraising started too - its was assumed that everything was taken care of and that the money from funding covered everything so why open purses or give their time.

[lsp]

I agree Louby. I think because there is no charge to parents for the 15 hours that they believe all costs are covered by government / local authority and that everything just continues, just like schools! We really struggle with fundraising. The committee really don't seem to understand how important it is to put anything in place. We have been fortunate with our numbers over the past few years but I have been looking at numbers for Sept 16 and it's not looking too rosy!

[Rea]

Our manager set up a public facebook page yesterday to try to promote us to a wider audience, might work, might not, but its worth a bash, our waiting list is non existant for the first time I can remember

[finleysmaid]

Does anyone tell their parents how little we get from the government for each child? and has this made any difference?