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Toilet training


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I've looked through a few discussions but can't find the answer to my question.

We have a child who is 4 in June and mum says she isn't showing any recognition of knowing when she needs to go to the toilet. It is the same in nursery too

She will sometimes tell mum when she has 'been' but never that she needs to 'go'

I asked mum if she has noticed any behaviours indicating she needs to go but she says no.

 

Any suggestions?

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has she ever been tried out of nappies .. sometimes the recognition of feeling wet or getting wet is needed to associate the two things, full bladder feeling and result of emptying it..

nappies/pull ups keep children so very dry these days that the wet feeling is missing.. and that is often the way children begin to link the need to use the toilet.. it is so easy to just go and get on with things if you don't feel uncomfortable as a result..

If this has been tried it will show up if the child has been able to fill her bladder or if she has constant leaking/ small wees and maybe needs to see gp to check there is no underlying issue / infection.

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Is she ever dry for 2 hours at a time....if so she should be able to be toilet trained. (though the later she does this the longer it is likely to take.....she needs to train her brain to accept the signals and she's quite late to be doing that!!!) If she does the 2 hours then i would go for it ....it needs to be fun motivating and exciting!!!!

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Oh my goodness I had to read that a couple of times, nearly 4...really nearly 4. Why on earth has this child not been toilet trained before now? I am guessing their is no additional needs? I am struggling to understand why this has been allowed to go on for so long.

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Oh my goodness I had to read that a couple of times, nearly 4...really nearly 4. Why on earth has this child not been toilet trained before now? I am guessing their is no additional needs? I am struggling to understand why this has been allowed to go on for so long.

I once has a parent who didn't consider trying until her daughter was almost 5 , she was quite happy for the child to stay in nappies as it ' kept her happy and stopped her crying' was the phrase she used.. took us ages to persuade her to even try and the child was definitely in control and knew what she was doing..

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We sometimes advise to try cheap value nappies - the ones that go lumpy when wet, sometimes this can sort out if its a 'lazy' (for want of a better word) or if there maybe genuine issues.

One parent also told me they put pants on the child inside his nappy- just to make it more uncomfortable when wet - it worked very quickly :D

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Pants inside a nappy is the advice we were given by the continence nurse and it really helps.

We have at least one child in nappies on admission to school each year (no additional needs) and also sometimes one who will not use a toilet but holds on all day until parents put a nappy on when they get home, then 'let's go'.

It always amazes me - nappies being so expensive I'd expect parents to want children out of them asap, but there's some complex psychology going on here I guess.

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I really find this quite astounding that any parent would willingly do this to their child, surely this is some kind of neglect? Does it not have any social implications with the other children making comments about them wearing nappies and how this could make the child in nappies feel. Surely it must affect self esteem. Maybe I am just old fashioned, both my children were toilet trained by two and a half so they could go to preschool. We (controversially I know) state in our admissions policy that we prefer children to be potty trained or well on the road to it when they come to us (exempted for additional needs) Never had a problem, the children that have turned up in pull ups are put into pants and soon learn from watching the others and enjoy using the smaller toilets. Parents often say that our expectation gives them something to aim for.

Do you know, the more I hear and see some parenting styles at the moment, I just despair. Think I have turned into a grumpy old woman!!

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We have got 4 in our preschool room who are in nappies. Today, one of them got poo everywhere!!! He likes to put his hands in his nappy and wipe it all over, it was awful. Mum just doesn't seem bothered..... All of them seem to have no idea they have done anything...

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I would suggest that you are prepared to give it a go but would need to work in partnership with mum , I would also advise mum to look at the Eric website , explain how important it is for this to commence soon but you must all be doing the same at home and nursery. This child may have some signalling problems or just knowing she is getting own way . Good luck

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part of our issue in this area is that the HV's are not bothered if or when parents toilet train....they just keep telling them they'll do it when they are ready!!! i'm sorry but there are lots of children i know who do not wake up on a monday and say "oh i think i'll use the toilet today!!!!"

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I really find this quite astounding that any parent would willingly do this to their child, surely this is some kind of neglect? Does it not have any social implications with the other children making comments about them wearing nappies and how this could make the child in nappies feel. Surely it must affect self esteem. Maybe I am just old fashioned, both my children were toilet trained by two and a half so they could go to preschool. We (controversially I know) state in our admissions policy that we prefer children to be potty trained or well on the road to it when they come to us (exempted for additional needs) Never had a problem, the children that have turned up in pull ups are put into pants and soon learn from watching the others and enjoy using the smaller toilets. Parents often say that our expectation gives them something to aim for.

Do you know, the more I hear and see some parenting styles at the moment, I just despair. Think I have turned into a grumpy old woman!!

I am with you on this...some parents do not seem to prioritise their childs upbringing....how awful to possibly start school in nappies....cannot even imagine how a child would suffer......the bullying,abuse,lack of care from teachers as 1-13 ratios,,,,I feel for every child being neglected( and I think it is neglect),,by a parent,,,,

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I am with you on this...some parents do not seem to prioritise their childs upbringing....how awful to possibly start school in nappies....cannot even imagine how a child would suffer......the bullying,abuse,lack of care from teachers as 1-13 ratios,,,,I feel for every child being neglected( and I think it is neglect),,by a parent,,,,

Actually we manage this in school with the dignity of the child being of paramount importance.

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marywilliam I am sure you do, but is this really your job to be doing this?

No, it isn't really part of the traditional role of a teacher, but 40-60 months PD is 'usually dry and clean during the day'. Given that most of my children start school somewhere in 30-50 for most areas then this is just another area where we play catch-up.

The days when we insisted that children were out of nappies before they started school are long gone, and now toilet training is part and parcel of life in September!

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We don't actually know that this parent hasn't tried to train her daughter. She might have been trying to train her since she was two with no success.

 

If that is the case, it might be helpful for her to ask her GP for a referral to a paediatrician who can look at her overall health and development in case there is an unidentified underlying issue.

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I completely accept that the demise of the blanket "no nappies" policy is absolutely right, but can't help but think it's tragic that so many children are now not toilet trained until already at school. Clearly for some it is unavoidable, but for so many??????

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Wow-I seem to have started a debate!

I have asked mum to see her gp just to rule out anything-what I find worrying is that mum says the little girl isn't noticing any urges.

I have also referred her to the ERIC website

 

I suggested just taking off her nappy at home and letting her wet herself if necessary (not sure if this is a good idea) but mum is reluctant as they are fully carpeted throughout!

I will also suggest the pants on the inside of the nappy

 

Thanks for the suggestions

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The child probably is having the signals, but not needing to control them just 'lets go' when full... wearing a nappy removes the need to hold on or control it..

Mum is going to have to let her without nappies sometime before she is reliable.. maybe she could source some trainer pants.. these are washable and they may be an alternative to try .. there are others out there as well Bright Bots trainer pants

 

Sounds like mum has not yet tried and needs a bit of support and help to realise she will have to try sometime..

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