mps09 Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 Hi folks! I really hope I'm going to explain this clearly and without saying anything controversial! I wondered if anyone can give me some advice, guidance or words of wisdom to help with a particularly challenging parent of a child who hasn't even started with us! I'm an Early Years Teacher at a charity-run pre-school. We're based in a primary school classroom and work in partnership with them although under our own committee. We offer full days, morning, or lunch/afternoons for children and open term time. I'm extremely proud of what we do and passionate about meeting the needs of all the children (who we take from 2) and consider their care and education equally.... The parents in question is moving her just 2 year old from a day nursery to attend us 5 days a week. So far she has raised the following issues... Why don't we administer Calpol instead of sending poorly children home. She doesn't wish her child to be the only one napping so can we arrange for all children to sleep at the same time.. Can we do weekly updates face to face in the evening? Will all family events (trip, nativity, etc) be held at the weekend to accommodate working parents. "At nursery they..." I've said to her that she might find the changes difficult at first until she understands our practices and procedures of what we do.... But now she has said “I don’t understand why you think it will be different, in my opinion both are regulated by OFSTED and follow the same EYFS....” so my thoughts are that fundamentally nurseries ARE different from preschools. I know the term ‘childcare’ is controversial- we ALL do so much more than childcare— but here we’ve always claimed that we’re not childcare, we’re not there for the convenience of parents, and certainly won’t keep an ill child at preschool because mum can’t leave work... I just can’t get my head and thoughts around what I want to say.. Surely you visit a setting and if you don’t like the way they do things, don’t join - she seems to want us to change our ways to suit her situation... and while our policies support our practices, she wants to join the committee and change them! I’ve never worked in a nursery and I don’t want to sound stereotypical, but don’t most parents choose a full time nursery place because of the convenience that offers while at work? Where that place is taken up obviously depends on practice, values and the staff! I’m not suggesting we’re ‘better’ just different.. Am I making sense? I’m so confused, worried and anxious about this....can anyone help? Please???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zigzag Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Having started my career in nurseries and now with fifteen years in a pre-school under my belt, I totally agree that the two although fundemtally both offer the same care and education are totally different. If she wants all the things that a Nursery can offer then why is she thinking of coming to you? Stick to how you operate and be clear and firm with her that this is how you do it and you cannot operate in a completely different way to please one person. I know we all make exceptions on occasions as we have to be flexible to a certain extent but not when it goes against your policies and ethos of the setting. Let us know what happens. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 What a nightmare I would send her your prospectus and your policies and procedures and ask her to look very carefully at these to be sure that you are the right setting for her and her child - that puts the ball back in her court Good luck 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inge Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 I have been pondering on wording that is suitable .. I would point out that you are a transition between nursery and school and operate completely differently, while using EYFS for curriculum and regulations this does not include your business model. This is individual to every setting and will be different. Your policies and procedures will reflect your practices. If she wants the same as the nursery. As Sunnyday has said, ensure she has them and ask her to look very carefully to ensure you are the setting for her and that maybe she should look at others as well to find what she wants. Point out that joining the committee will not allow her to change policies as there are a lot of steps to go through to change them, parental consultation, meetings AGM and then ensuring they work for the staff who are not obliged to change hours etc all of which will take about a year to complete an even then may not change if enough parents do not vote it in. . Out of hours meetings etc.. involve a cost which you cannot afford. Being in a school means you have to follow the hours they allow you to operate, stressing that she will have to ensure collection on time. (I help operate toy library in a school and know how hard it is to be open when the school is closed, often having to cancel at short notice because we cannot get in!) You treat each child as an individual and work to their needs whenever possible, hence no group nap times as not all children need them or want thm at the same time. Many parents do not want weekend events as they have other family and children to consider, as do all your staff, they need their time off too.. .. (even if they have grown up children, unless she knows you all personally she is not to know that.. (My 20 year old was left to wait at the school gates on his own many times and I did ask if it was fair as I had to wait for them!) As to the calpol, I assume your policy covers it somewhere, Research has shown that parents ar using too much and relying on it, so some children are actually addicted to it.. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/parenting/calpol-really-safe-cure-all-children/ . I never gave it either, unless prscribed by a doctor and it was essential treatment. I always also made sure they were all aware of the 48hour rule for upset tummies etc.. that one always caused issues with parents.That was until someone did send them back to early all the staff became ill and had to close for 4 days! Once I explained this we seldom had a problem. Remain calm, and answer her questions, it's not worth worrying about as she cannot insist you change for one person - you are following your procedures and policies. Confused is something we would all be, why choose somewhere that does not fit their needs?(Probably assuming that going there will ensure they get into the school. Not always the case though, so maybe that needs explaining too) This is I assume a first time parent with one child.. maybe wrong, but she is in for one big shock when her child goes to school. Sorry, bit of rambling there but maybe it will help get your response straight. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GFCCCC Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 I'm afraid that for me, this is not about the difference between nursery and pre-school. This is about the fact that you, quite rightly, run your setting in the way you see fit and being confident in what you do - it may not suit everyone but if it doesn't, it's not the place for them. Those of you that have read my posts before probably think I am quite harsh, and maybe I am but I firmly believe that if we run our setting to the best of our ability, focus firmly on the needs of our children and families, and meet all our statutory requirements as well as being committed and caring that we are meeting all of our obligations. No setting is going to meet the requirements and wishes of all parents. Therefore, to the ones that do not like the way we run our setting or find it doesn't meet their needs, I say quite simply that this is not the setting for them and suggest they look around elsewhere. However, in this case, it appears to be more about a parent who wants everything to be made to fit her child's needs (or in fact her personal wishes - not really the child's needs) and we do get a few of them - I usually tell them that it appears that they are looking for care particularly tailored to their child and that they should perhaps consider employing a nanny. I am always willing to explain our policies and procedures to parents and why we believe they are appropriate to our setting. I am very firm about the fact that we know what we are doing and that whilst we welcome feedback and constantly review our practice, that we won't change the way we work to suit one parents wishes. And we are day care settings - not preschool. I do not agree that nurseries will do whatever a parent wants - we never have, and never will. I have absolutely no problem telling parents that this is how we do it here. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mps09 Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 Thank you everyone - that's given me lots of information and 'ammunition' to respond to this parent - I'm glad I'm not alone :-) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stargrower Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Best of luck mps09. Do you know why she is removing her child from the nursery? Are you able to get in touch with them and see if they will share anything that might be useful to you? I have to say I agree with GFCCCC, it isn't about 'nursery' or 'pre-school' but about the choices you have made in how you run your setting and your well thought out rationale for your policies and procedures . There is no "one-size-fits-all" but this parents sounds as if she would like "every-size-must-fit-me"! If you see what I mean... 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mundia Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 I can't add much to the excellent advice already given, but some of the things the parent is requesting woukd not be typical in many day nurseries either. I only know of a couple that host socials and trips at the weekend, there aren't may that would stay into the evening every week for feedback, usually this is done at drop off or collection. Ok, some settings do give Calpol, within a prescribed set of rules, but sick children need to be at home. If this parent wants you to be like the other nursery, one wonders why they left. I hope you feel able to explain politely and professionally what you do, and that the fact that all settings are different is a celebration, and she will eventually accept this. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mps09 Posted August 24, 2018 Author Share Posted August 24, 2018 Thank you everyone, some really excellent advice! Very much appreciated. 😊😊 She has a child starting primary school (on the same site) which is why she’s leaving the nursery.... which I understand, but we still have to be the ‘right’ for the child and the family and it saddens me that I already feels that’s not the case and they haven’t even started yet!! If guess it would be boring if we were all the same! And why would ofsted need to grade settings if everyone ran to the same ‘guidelines’? I think I’ll start there..... will keep you all posted.... thanks again 😊😊 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mps09 Posted August 26, 2018 Author Share Posted August 26, 2018 OK, so I emailed her a copy of our Prospectus and a full copy of all our policies.... discussed how all settings are different (otherwise Ofsted wouldn't need to grade us ;-) and wrote that I know we can meet the child's needs but I'm confirmed that we won't be able to meet hers! I've asked her to have a look through and come back to me.... and all is quiet...…….. not heard anything yet!!! I await here response with anticipation..... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted August 28, 2018 Share Posted August 28, 2018 Do let us know what happens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catma Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Totally agree that you have taken a reasonable path with her. There is no difference between a pre-school/nursery/childcare etc etc, they are all just names we use to describe a place that provides aducation and care for 0-5s or any age within that, and which is not a reception class in a school. Everyone must meet the statutory requirements, but meeting the individual needs of a child is also part of that. Why would you be forcing all children to stop their learning and lie down at the same time to satisfy her?! CX 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mps09 Posted August 30, 2018 Author Share Posted August 30, 2018 Well all was quiet and then she emailed asking to arrange her home visit (tomorrow). So either it’s fine and she’s been put in her place - or she’s going to kidnap me and keep me locked up in her basement until I comply! She’s planning to create the Stepford Early Years Setting - all the same... performing like robots.... 😂😂 will let you all know how it goes! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mouseketeer Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Crumbs if you don’t report back will take it you’ve been kidnapped and send in the troops... maybe take a colleague:-/ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 1 hour ago, mps09 said: Well all was quiet and then she emailed asking to arrange her home visit (tomorrow). So either it’s fine and she’s been put in her place - or she’s going to kidnap me and keep me locked up in her basement until I comply! She’s planning to create the Stepford Early Years Setting - all the same... performing like robots.... 😂😂 will let you all know how it goes! Yikes - hope all goes well and that this is not a kidnap plot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GFCCCC Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 "She’s planning to create the Stepford Early Years Setting - all the same... performing like robots.... 😂😂" As long as they are performing in the way she wants!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mps09 Posted September 2, 2018 Author Share Posted September 2, 2018 Phew - all is well! and I'm home ;-) Gosh, she was actually really lovely and said that she wanted to follow our lead re sleeping and potty training!! Thank you for all your comments - it really helped me to get straight what I wanted to say - and it worked! Hopefully she has thought about what I said, and realises that she needs to see what we actually do... and how it works... before making any comments :-) Such a relief - looking forward to our first day back!! Thanks again :-) 7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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