Learning to keep my mouth shut ! Not easy !

[lashes2508]

Sorry folks but having just seen a photo of a friend and parent social media entitled ' boys having tea ' I'm left a little astounded , the photos show one boy ( 20 m ) in high chair with plate of food , the other at table ( nearly 4 ) with plate of food , neither child is sitting near each other ie at the table together nor are parents but the one thing they have in common ...... Identical iPads !

 

I just find this so sad and wonder why someone would be proud to post this , am I overreacting , no I don't think so .

[Guest]

how horrible. my sister in law posted a pic of her 5 year old asleep in his dinner plate, and regularly posts pics of him asleep in odd places, sometimes in the morning! he is in and out of their bed all night so no wonder he's knackered. i would certainly not be showing everyone how tired he must be to fall asleep in his food..... what is it with these people? and my sister is using an ipad for her 7 month old to keep him entertained .......

[Berryred]

:-(

 

I hate it when we go out as a family for a meal and see the children on iPhones and stuff to keep them shhhh.

 

My nephew is 2, and I was shocked when my sister gave him her phone while changing his nappy to keep him still Sooty99!

[mundia]

Hmm, iphones yes fair enough, don't have phones at all at the table, even when the teenagers pull faces at me. But honestly haven't we all at some point had our children fall asleep in their dinner and found ourselves laughing?

 

Just me then?

 

Obviously I was a really bad mother because my daughter did it often and yes I do have photos. (insert shock horror smiley at this point). She could sleep anywhere, (still can !). She would fall asleep half on the settee, and have what we used to call microwave naps. No I wouldn't publish them as I really don't 'get' social media but then Im an old stick in the mud!

[Guest]

Have to agree Mundia

I had two children who could fall asleep anywhere and two who fought sleep all the way. I know which was easiest and yes we have photos one where my son curled up in the dog basket playing dogs and fell asleep.

Iphones for changing nappies, again old school how many children were given a bunch of keys to keep them still while they had a nappy change. I think life has changed and although I don't agree ipads being used to keep children quiet I think we might be a little more understanding had we had them back in the day!

[finleysmaid]

humm reminded me of my youngest who was being foul one day and stuffed a building block in to the video player..she was told off and sent to the bottom of the stairs...it went very quiet came back to find her fast asleep with her head on her feet and her bottom on the stairs....yes i have a photo! she has also fallen asleep in her Pizza on holiday!

but yes i do not agree with IT for the under two's....there has been some research on this in America and the finding are not great :huh:

watched a family in a cafe the other day give their small child an ipad to keep him quiet...with the sound turned off...seemed a bit daft to me..why not give him something to do? or maybe even TALK to him??? i used to have a handbag full of lego/cars/ pens and pencils. My children started going on planes to see their grandparents from 6 weeks old...i was well versed in how to keep them entertained on long journeys and in airports. Maybe i should start a training programme for that? :rolleyes:

[lashes2508]

Falling asleep and find that quite amusing and yes I took a photo too.

 

We have a rule and still do , no phones at tables , conversation and laughing only permitted.

 

I suppose it makes it harder when you know the older child struggles with social communication and apparently a reluctance to eat , the younger child shows barely any emotion or facial expression and this photo just tells me the possible reasons why.

 

Have we as a society made parents feel this way or despite our good intentions and campaign s for more emphasis on communicating it has fallen on deaf ears or those with headphones !

 

All those opportunities for language , laughing and talking all lost , so very sad indeed.

[Foreveryoung]

I have many photos of my kids asleep in the most weird places at which point yes I did not remove them but laugh then contain myself while I found my camera and then get the shot! this was before mobiles were everywhere, I still do this!!! Eldest fell through chair other day did I rescue --- oh god no I grabed my camera with the 18th birthday image in mind.

 

Social skills are on downward trend due to technology but I always try and remember a still image does not tell a whole story and what things appear to be can be somewhat different.

 

I have no phones at table and try to get us all to have tea at same time! starting to loose that battle though as they begin to get their own lives

 

Ps when I say kids I mean my own children not setting ones lol.

[Upsy Daisy]

I suppose it makes it harder when you know the older child struggles with social communication and apparently a reluctance to eat , the younger child shows barely any emotion or facial expression and this photo just tells me the possible reasons why.

Although I agree that some children are missing out on opportunities to socialise and opportunities to learn to self-occupy, I find it very hard to believe that a baby's inability to use facial expressions or express emotion is a result of playing on an iPad, especially if he has a sibling with social communication difficulties. I think it's far more likely that the cause is neurodevelopmental.

 

Maybe the mother is at her wit's end with trying to encourage the older child to eat and has resorted to distraction in order to get some food into him. It isn't an approach I would use in a million years but, having had a reluctant eater myself, I can empathise. It's very easy to get in an awful pickle with young children and food battles.

 

I can easily imagine that giving the older child an iPad results in the younger child demanding it and it ending up being easier to give them one each.

 

I wouldn't advise parents to use iPads to manage mealtimes but would expect it to be the result of social communication difficulties rather than the cause.

[lashes2508]

Call me old fashioned but I just think meal times should be an occasion to eat , talk and be together when ever possible

[Jester]

Call me old fashioned but I just think meal times should be an occasion to eat , talk and be together when ever possible

Completely agree. No phones or other devices allowed at the table in this house, I hate it when my husband has the football on, on a Sunday when we are eating Sunday lunch!

I was at Camp Bestival last year and I saw a child sat in a buggy playing on an iPad, at an event which has so many activities for children! Why would you even take an iPad camping with you???

[Upsy Daisy]

Why would you even take an iPad camping with you???

Maybe because you have a child who finds the safe, predictable and familiar virtual environment of the iPad calming, allowing him or her respite and recovery time from a busy or overwhelming social/sensory environment.

[lashes2508]

Obviously every family situation / child is different and there are those children who do benefit in certain situations and my original comment may have evoked comments that may have been upsetting/ irritating for others and that was not meant to be the case .

[Jester]

Maybe because you have a child who finds the safe, predictable and familiar virtual environment of the iPad calming, allowing him or her respite and recovery time from a busy or overwhelming social/sensory environment.

Maybe I should have put why take an Ipad to afestival with you. For a start unless you are in boutique camping you wouldn't have access to charging and the risk of theft is great. Also at many festivals there are spaces to relax away from an overwhelming sensory environment.

[Jester]

Obviously every family situation / child is different and there are those children who do benefit in certain situations and my original comment may have evoked comments that may have been upsetting/ irritating for others and that was not meant to be the case .

If we are in a place where I feel my children may benefit from the use of devices maybe to distract them in the doctors/hospital waiting room or maybe while waiting for friends at pizza express then I take my iPad along, more often than not they don't need it but it's there. I think the main bug bear for me is, the appropriateness of the situation. Meal times to me are about forming social skills, language and behaviour, if they are using a device then that is less likely to happen.

[mundia]

Hi lashes

Please dont worry that you have irritated anyone. I am certain you haven't!. The great thing about this forum, is that members can hold very different views, express them positively, (without resorting to insults etc), and in turn it can make us reflect on our our stance. That's what reflective thinking is about.

 

The original comments have opened up an interesting range of perspectives...all good stuff in my view..

[SueFinanceManager]

Like all things in life it is about moderation isn't it.

 

There are times when e-devices are perfect and educational and entertaining....I liked the nappy changing example...I used plastic keys or similar with my children because I didn't have a phone (showing my age) but had I had a phone would I have used it? Possibly, maybe play a video or song and sing along? That seems a good use to me

 

I too had bags of colouring etc that got carried around to restaurants etc but as the children got older we allowed them to take devices and use when the conversation grew too dull for them but they were never out whilst eating and never for the whole time.

 

I don't like any resource electronic or otherwise given to a child to 'Keep them quiet' though

[sunnyday]

It's a 'tricky' one this - agree with Sue that it's all about moderation......

 

No electronic devices in 'my day' either and no 'social media' either - probably just as well really - I wouldn't want any long standing record of some of my poor parenting decisions

[Upsy Daisy]

Obviously every family situation / child is different and there are those children who do benefit in certain situations and my original comment may have evoked comments that may have been upsetting/ irritating for others and that was not meant to be the case .

I'm not upset or irritated in the slightest. I'm sorry if it appeared that I was.

 

I just think it's important to acknowledge that a parent making different decisions to our own may be doing so for very good reasons that may not be immediately apparent to us.

[manor]

I Think this picture says it all?!

 

[lashes2508]

It sure does thankyou for posting the picture manor

[Beau]

So does this one!

[finleysmaid]

So does this one!

must have been a long day...took me a minute!

[Running Bunny]

I agree that there are circumstances when devices are useful and others when there are other means to distract or entertain a child. My two are 7 and 5 and we bought them really cheap children's tablets for Christmas as we were sick of surrendering our phones and then having no battery when we actually needed them!!

The reviews on the tablets were that the battery life was "shocking" and only lasted for 1 hour....and the problem with that is??!! Once it's gone, it's gone!!

 

Even 6 months into the year, the tablets rarely leave the house. Daniel takes his when Eva goes to ballet as he is on his own (and it's catch up chat time for me and my friend!) I also take paper and pens/activity books too. He also plays on my phone when he is watching Eva swim for 30 minutes as you can't draw on your lap whilst sitting poolside.

 

We are going out for a meal tonight and we will take paper and felt pens - last month we went out with the same friends and all the adults ended up joining in, playing hangman and designing dresses with the girls or drawing dinosaurs with the boys. Much more fun!!

[Cait]

We used to always take "Pass the Pigs" until my young son once called out that his pigs were 'making bacon'. Anyone who plays the game will know that this is the name of one of the positions the pigs can land in, but we got some very odd looks from other diners! We took the ordinary playing cards after that, and played 'fish' or 'thing'

[lashes2508]

Now that made me laugh out loud Cait !