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Discussing behaviour with parent regarding their child


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Hi,

 

I wondered how practitioners tackle discussing behaviour with the parents.

We have a child who just recently has been causing a number of incidents, for example stomping on children, hitting, pushing, kicking.

 

This has been logged and shared with the parent on collection, however today on collection dad blamed the setting and stated this is the only place he comes to and that he must be picking it up from someone. However staff notice the child behaves like this on his own accord.

 

We feel he wants the attention from the adult and that is why he behaves the way he does.

 

Can anyone offer any support as I have a meeting with the parents regarding this.

 

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Hi,

Perhaps Dad feels a bit hijacked by staff at pick up time. I've been in his position with my child. (Many years ago!). I used to dread picking up time! Is he aware that you are observing his child and completing ABC charts to spot a pattern?

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thank them for coming

tell them you want to do all you can to settle their son in

ask if the behaviour happens elsewhere and if so how do they deal with it

ensure they know that you like their son!!

agree a plan of action and how you are going to report back to them and by when

offer any help you can (parenting courses/sticker charts reward systems and tell them what you are going to do now)

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arrange a time for a meeting, rather than always on collection.

have a good variety of observations and recording of behaviour, ABC obs we used for this this will give evidence of what is happening and how you are dealing with it

Always have someone with you or in hearing of a staff member.. record meeting and document outcomes and how you will proceed..

To be honest we avoided confronting parents too much at collection unless there was an injury to another person.. did all the recording etc and then asked for a meeting to discuss..

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I've been in his position with my child. (Many years ago!). I used to dread picking up time! I

Me too. I used to look for the raised eyebrows of the Supervisor and knew I was going to have one of 'those' conversations. She was a lovely lady and she handled it really well but I felt dreadful, all the same.

Some really good advice here, RaceFace03 and I hope you manage to sort things. Oh, and congratulations on making your first post - welcome to the Forum! :)

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Hi Raceface and welcome also....I don't know about the rest of you but I find it harder to deal with when, after following procedures as above and being discreet, on collection time the parent yells across the cloak room at you " how've they been today" and 26 parents stop what they were chatting about and all focus on you :/

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I always like to make a big point of the 'good days' that way ...(I feel that maybe) .... the parents doesn't always dread it when you approach them as you could be commenting either way.

Plus I ways try and get the positives in with the negatives- do a bit of a sandwich thing......

'well he came in really happy and settled well.... then had a bit of difficulty with such and such.... but he really tried hard at circle time- I was really proud of him'

I say 'I feel' it might help, but have to be honest I have been fortunate enough to not be in this position as a parent myself, so I can only imagine the dread at collection time each day :( :(

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There are lots of words of wisdom here.

It is worth organising a meeting with the parents and talking them through the unwanted behaviour and explaining why you think it is happening i.e. the triggers you have observed. But continuing on the positive of what steps you are putting in place to prevent anymore incidents will help the parents see that you are doing something.

Quite often with unwanted behaviours it is difficult to "cure" them just by words, you have to prevent them but putting a plan into action. If it is as you feel that the child wants attention from an adult you may find that this is exactly what you have to do to start with and put measures into place so that the child can learn to play without adult support.

We use a "tagging" system. A child who we know may hit out or use aggressive behaviour always has an adult close by to support their play. For instance Child is playing with dinosaurs a practitioner will join the game and give as much attention and support to the play. The Child leaves this area and goes to play in the sand, the practitioner from the dinosaur play will make a practitioner near the sand area know that the Child is heading their way (not by shouting but by other more subtle means) so that another practitioner can take over. We have found that this is successful, it does not crowd the child and does not prevent them from playing where they want to. It also helps us as a team to spot the different triggers and feel more bonded to the child. It also gives you the opportunity to stop the aggressive hitting or kicking before contact is made!

Good Luck. Let us know how it goes.

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