sunnyday Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 (edited) Hi everyone - nothing to do with Early Years - I apologise for that. When my father died, mum decided to move into 'sheltered accomodation' - she has her own flat within a large building that has communal areas for the residents to gather together if they wish to. She is very happy there, has made great friendships and has a wonderful social life! She has just rung to say that she is scared - she has heard on the local news, that a man has, as she put it 'got in' to another sheltered housing building (about 6 miles from hers) and stolen an elderly ladies handbag - she had 'put up a fight' and apparently he dragged along - breaking her arm and causing carpet burns and bruises. I have reassured my mum - telling her that no-one can 'get in' to her building unless someone lets them in - her reply........which even in this sad moment I couldn't help but smile about........."well half of them in here are daft enough to do that" - I talked to her for a long time and have told her not to worry - I saw her yesterday and will visit again tomorrow, my instinct is to 'rush down' there now, but I think that will make her think there is something to worry about. She has locked the door to her own flat - something she never does - she has mobility problems, so much easier for her visitors to just knock, call out and walk in - rather than mum having to get to the door. Oh how sad. Sunnyday Quick edit - to say - my mum is 87 Edited June 4, 2009 by sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wellerkaren Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 It is a sad, sad world that we currently live in. I can only say that I wll send a virtual hug your way x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 It can be a horrible world can't it? It's not fair that she feels so worried. The whole point of that accommodation is for her to be and feel safer! I think you're right not to fuel the fire by rushing down there if you're going to be there tomorrow anyway. Hopefully her busy social life will distract her enough to put it to the back of her mind soon. It sounds a lovely place and she is lucky to have such a supportive daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Might there be something like a personal alarm that would reassure her further? I'm not sure what's available, but I have a feeling my 25 year old niece has something that she carries with her; she is a newly qualified doctor doing all sorts of horrendous shifts in a London hospital and is roaming the streets at all hours! You mum might feel better if she had something that she slips into her pocket? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Might there be something like a personal alarm that would reassure her further? I'm not sure what's available, but I have a feeling my 25 year old niece has something that she carries with her; she is a newly qualified doctor doing all sorts of horrendous shifts in a London hospital and is roaming the streets at all hours! You mum might feel better if she had something that she slips into her pocket? Thank you - yes she has one of these that she 'wears' - it 'goes through' to 'central control' - unfortunately due to 'cut-backs' the 'warden' that used to live in house 'on site' is no longer there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Oh dear Sunnyday, you have my sympathies - although my elderly Mum only goes abseiling etc they are a worry - much as we must have been for them! I think you are right not to dash down, have you got links with anyone else in the building who could perhaps visit for a cuppa and a chat? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Oh poor you it is such a worry....you are right what a weird/horrible/unbeliveable at times, world we live in....try not to worry too much and I guess you just need to keep in touch and keep reassuring her. What a caring daughter you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 I could ring one of her friends ....... but I am worried about her having to 'get to the door' ... as I said she usually leaves it unlocked so that visitors can 'get in' but she has now locked it.... she uses a walking frame indoors but it's slow and painful progress for her. They have a lot of 'phone contact ....... e.g. "is it Bingo tonight", "what time is the hairdresser coming" etc.etc. - mum has all 'her marbles' intact so lots of the others look to her for the answers!!! So hopefully she will have spoken to others by now. She rings me at least two or three times a day!!! I've only had two calls today - so hopefully she will ring again and I can 'guage' how she is. If not I will ring her later - trying to think of a reason - don't want to ask how she's feeling - I want her to think that I'm not worried (if you see what I mean). Our 'oldies' deserve so much more than this. Sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Yes they certainly do. If they have all their marbles, as you say,it must be such a worry for them. My sister's mother-in-law is slowly losing hers unfortunately - she lives alone and that's a real worry. Jo stocked up her freezer for her when they went last month and last Sunday she went to get some bread out of the freezer for lunch and the whole thing was empty. She asked what had happened to everything - there was no way she could have eaten it all. She said she'd had to throw everything out because it had gone hard. It would be funny if it wasn't sad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wolfie Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 (edited) I completely sympathise with your feelings sunnyday - I too have an 87 year old Mum in sheltered housing whose warden no longer lives in 24 hours - I had to check your whereabouts to make sure it wasn't the same scheme! My Mum also still has a very sharp mind and brain and she also makes comments - and continually worries - about the other residents. Until recently, when she became less able to get out and about, she took it upon herself to visit others who she was worried about, in place of the warden! I would be going through exactly the same emotions as you - but I am 100 miles away from her and so can't pop in to see her. When IS the warden there - could you make her aware of your Mum's concerns and ask if she could pop in more frequently at the moment? Edited June 4, 2009 by Wolfie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 (edited) Yes they certainly do. If they have all their marbles, as you say,it must be such a worry for them. My sister's mother-in-law is slowly losing hers unfortunately - she lives alone and that's a real worry. Jo stocked up her freezer for her when they went last month and last Sunday she went to get some bread out of the freezer for lunch and the whole thing was empty. She asked what had happened to everything - there was no way she could have eaten it all. She said she'd had to throw everything out because it had gone hard.It would be funny if it wasn't sad Oh bless her! I dread the day that mum shows any signs of that. Funnily enough she is often 'more on the ball' than her daughter When I take her out, I often say to her "right mum, I need to get petrol, go to the butchers/chemists/farm shop etc. etc. now don't let me forget".......she never does. Recently when we had been out and I should have been taking her home - I started to drive up the long hill that leads from the village she lives in up to my village - halfway up the hill she said "where are you going dear"........I had quite forgotten I had her with me!!!!! She 'dined out' on that story for days! Edited June 4, 2009 by sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Thank you Wolfie - that's a great idea - will do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 oh bless sunnyday - it is hard - went through it with my nan - she did relax a little with a personal alarm though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Isnt it sad that people cant feel safe in their own home? Hope your mom soon feels a bit better. My aunts mom had a personal alarm but got confused and used the one in the flat. It set off a silent fire alarm and she looked up from watching Emerdale Farm to see two fireman in full kit standing over her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiny Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I hope your mum is feeling better soon!!! The world is a scary place, I really feel for her and you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Thank you all so much for your kind words and good wishes - I really appreciate that - thank you. Just a quick update - I have just spoken to my sister - she had been out all day - she said that mum had rung her and said "oh I've got three thigs to tell you" - this particular problem was number three on her 'list' so I'm taking that as a good sign. We have a Farmers market in our village on a Friday so I am going to buy her some lovely cakes and take them down to her tomorrow - lets hope she lets me in!!! Anyway - you really are a lovely lot - thank you for your support. Sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I'm glad to hear she's getting it a bit more in proportion. Enjoy the cakes with her tomorrow (I assume you'll be sharing them?) xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Tell her we're all thinking about her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondie Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 i agree it is a horrible world- i have an elderly dad who lives alone in his house - i try to say to him that he shouldnt open the door to anyone - we all have keys -but he just says its alright i can look after myself. i do worry as like many his age they think that the world is how it was when they were younger and everyone worked and helped everyone else - but sadly its all changed. what a sad sad world and the trouble is that these people today dont seem to worry about the age of the people they just do whatever they want . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mukerjee1 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I agree that it can be a horrible world sometimes but, reading this thread about elderly relatives and their nearest and dearest, it occured to me how much love,respect and understanding also exists. We are all concerned about those close to us but your responses reassure me that there are still caring, lovely folk out there. Rock on, fsf ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Sunnyday, sorry to hear about your mum. I am sure today must have been an upsetting day for your both. I hope you enjoy the cakes tomorrow with your mum and can help to put her mind at rest. It is so difficult to weigh up the 'to lock the door, or not lock the door' situation, but I think for the time being you and your mum will sleep easier with the door locked. mrsW.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I'm glad it seems to be resolving itself sunnyday: its very frustrating when we're so far away from ourloved ones isn't it? As others have said your mum is lucky to have such a close and loving family who are ready to reassure here when necessary, but also to remind her of the measures she needs to take to keep herself safe. I hope her worries continue to diminish as the days go by! And that she enjoys her lovely cakes from her lovely daughter! Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Hi everyone Just to say thank you again for all your kind words and good wishes. A quick update........have been to see my mum - we enjoyed some chocolate brownies together!!! I also left her with a punnet of local strawberries......as I walked back through my door the phone was ringing....it was mum to say "the strawberries are just lovely I have eaten three already"! She's much happier today...has decided to leave her flat door unlocked....... "I can't be getting up and down all day"! I'm actually quite pleased about that - I would worry about her 'falling' (old people don't bounce). She is looking forward to a busy weekend 'race day and ploughmans' tomorrow with her friends and sunday lunch with my sister! So thanks again - so kind of you all to take the time and trouble to post and send your good wishes, it's very much appreciated. Sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 That's great news! could just go for brownies and strawberries myself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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