Guest Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Hi all, kind of coming here to think out loud.... I have recently found that my heart is no longer in my job, been there three years three months now, managing it three years in July, and right now i feel like my get up and go has got up and gone. I absoloutly love the nursery and have made some impressive changes, but have eternally come up against resistance from my deputy manager, i can not let this fall of my back any longer, so now it seems she has 'won'. i had a meeting with the nursery owner today to tell her that i feel like my heart is not in it, that i can not motivate myself at present never mind my staff team, she feels that she has not supported me enough.... i simply feel im not cut out for this manager lark any more.... feeling so confused, feel sad, empty, lost, lonely and a little bit blue i think a lot off the nursery owners, off most of the staff, and have a great relationship with parents and children, but i just have lost my spark.... i don't know what to do. i have said to the owner that i am thinking about looking for another job (and have explained my reasons).... i don't know if this is right for me or not... i still have my job and have NOT given my notice in, but felt it was fair to tell her that i will be looking... hey hum!, feel muddled, and want to cry (but keep reminding myself i am a big girl and will be okay ) sorry just needed a rant Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Im sorry your feeling so blue! Im sending big hugs!!!! With love a fellow manager xxxx KAT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Possum Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Oh dear, what an unhappy post - my heart really goes out to you. Managing a Preschool can be a lonely road as you try to be all things to all people. But speaking as someone who's been doing it for a good few years (20+) I can honestly say that it's a totally rewarding job, as I'm sure you know. It could just be that it's the time of year, we're all tired and ready for a rest and the prospect of those last 7 weeks with what are becoming hyper-children seems like a true uphill struggle. But we get through it because we always do and we know that there's a well earned break for a few weeks at the end of it. But aside from that, have you checked that you are not anaemic? I was a few years back and felt exactly as you describe, as soon as my doctor had highlighted the problem and got me on iron tablets my energy levels and sparkle came back. Is it worth checking? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 But aside from that, have you checked that you are not anaemic? I was a few years back and felt exactly as you describe, as soon as my doctor had highlighted the problem and got me on iron tablets my energy levels and sparkle came back. Is it worth checking? It's definitely worth having it checked. I was badly anaemic for a few years until my doctor diagnosed me as coeliac and as soon as I got on the iron and came of the gluten foods my energy levels rocketed! Go and get checked before you make a big decision Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 thanks for your kind words. unfortunatly i am in a day nursery so no break for me over summer, in fact next holiday i think is a few days in august then nothing till november. the anaemia thing may be worth checking as i was anaemic a few years ago, i am due to give blood on sunday, so that will pick up if my iron levels are low, if they are i will see the doctor. thanks for your concern. the job has now gone past that rewarding stage and is becomming the biggest hurdle in my life right now, not good... generally i feel pretty well, just bogged down. Dawn Oh dear, what an unhappy post - my heart really goes out to you. Managing a Preschool can be a lonely road as you try to be all things to all people. But speaking as someone who's been doing it for a good few years (20+) I can honestly say that it's a totally rewarding job, as I'm sure you know. It could just be that it's the time of year, we're all tired and ready for a rest and the prospect of those last 7 weeks with what are becoming hyper-children seems like a true uphill struggle. But we get through it because we always do and we know that there's a well earned break for a few weeks at the end of it. But aside from that, have you checked that you are not anaemic? I was a few years back and felt exactly as you describe, as soon as my doctor had highlighted the problem and got me on iron tablets my energy levels and sparkle came back. Is it worth checking? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JacquieL Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Dawn I don't really know what to say except that I feel so sad for you, but you must do what is right for you. Obviously you have given this some thought, and you are feeling very low. Is there not some way that you and the owner can talk this through and agree on a plan of action? You have put a lot of work into your setting. If the deputy manager is a problem will this not be the same for someone else? Is this a situation which needs addressing by the owner, as she will have to replace you and possibly end up with the same problem? Sorry I can't be more helpful. Nothing is forever and there are lots of challenges out there if you decide to move on. Lots of hugs xxx. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kittycat1279 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You sound like underneath it you still believe in what you are doing. I know how much it can knock you though when you are constantly battling against members of staff. It happened to me about 4 or 5 years a go and caused my confidence to hit an all time low - I lost any self belief in my own capabilities. Thankfully that is all in the past, the person in question has moved on after causing problems for other people also and although it took time, my confidence is back and I love my job again! I hope that you either find another job that is right for you or that now you've spoken honestly to the owner she supports you. She must see all the hard work you've done and appreciate you I'm sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Oh Dawn - so sorry thst you are feeling so sad. Big girls are allowed to cry - sometimes it's just what's needed. Take care and know that we are all 'here for you'. Sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marion Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Take care Dawn You need to do what's best for you ... swimming against the tide is wearing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Thinking of you Dawn......at least you are talking about it and sharing it with friends. Lots of virtual empathy for you - such a hard place to be...things will pick up whatever you decide, try to keep your head above water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Dawn, sorry you feeling like this. i went through a stage like you did, i left my setting and as it turned out it was a such blessing, as i am much happier now. im sure you will make the right decision - think whats best for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Hi Dawn, I just wanted to send you a big hug and to say I am thinking of you as you try to think through where and what your future role should be. It's a hard enough job without staff issues to deal with. Hopefully the owner will help you to resolve the deputy manager issue and that will then make it easier for you to decide what you want to do. Hang in there and don't make any decisions until you feel really confident that they are right for you. The right job is out there and maybe just where you are at the moment. Love and hugs Nicky Sussex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Dawn, I know just where you're coming from. All I can say is have a good long think about what you want out of life and then you can begin to work out a plan to get there. Hope you feel better now you've got that off your chest - and remember we're all here to support you and listen to your woes when necessary. Take care Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Hi Dawn As a manager I know where your coming from. It wasnt that long ago I felt this way it makes you feel lousy about the job your doing. I quit but luckily ended up staying. Things get better its been a tough time for nursery workers with all the changes that have taken place in the last year, it has made the job of the nursery manager very stressful at times. Why not try taking a bit of time off to recharge your batteries and then see how you feel. Jojom x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 All I can say is have a good long think about what you want out of life and then you can begin to work out a plan to get there. It is so sad to hear that you are feeling so down. You need to do exactly what Maz says and spend some time working out where you want to be. If the the deputy is the only issue would you regret walking away from a job that you are obviously very good at? If you would feel the need to move on even if the deputy problem was solved what would you like to be doing? You have been very honest and considerate towards the owners. Lets hope they come through with more support for you in return. Sit back tomorrow at work, look at all those improvements you have made and give yourself a pat on the back. You have achieved a lot. Don't walk away in too much of a hurry. Take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Thank you so much to each and every one of you for your kind words and wisdom. It has been appreciated more than words can really say. thank you all Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Dawn, you sound exhausted and in need of a rest. Not a few days in August but a good rest to relax and recharge. We dont hear much from you nowadays but you have always been a passionate practitioner and Im sure you can be again but we all need to move on to new challenges at some point so perhaps that point has arrived for you. Can you negotiate a holiday now to allow yourself some thinking time? Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Well said AlisonP. I have been watching this thread from the beginning and everyone is talking absolute sense, so I do hope you are heartened by all the advice you are getting Dawn. You really must not be the one to give in - you have come a long way, I am sure you can sort out your Deputy with the backing of your owners, you just need to find that last hidden bit of strength in you to do it. It sounds as though you have been doing a lot to change things for the better - and sometimes it can feel like we are dragging everyone along around our necks - it brings us down, but you must pick yourself up and see how far you have come and know that you can keep going because you are so very close now to reaping the benefits of all your hard work. Big hugs Dawn, don't give in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Dawn, my heart goes out to you but you must do what is best for you. I continued day in day out with very little support after a new owner took over. I knew I was doing my utmost for the children as could be seen from our numbers and comments from parents, OfSTED and our gold star accreditation. However, my love of the job, the children and what I felt was my responsibility to the parents and my staff led to burn out. I have a very supportive husband and family and as they were looking from the outside they saw things i couldn't or wouldn't. After a very serious chest infection which enforced me to stay at home, I suddenly took stock of my life. I could continue with the stress or walk away, at the end of the school year I walked away. The relief was unbelievable. The decision is yours noone else can make it for you but a break away may allow you time to rethink. Good luck whatever you decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Sorry you're feeling so low Dawn. Three years seems to be a milestone for some, it was 3 years for me and also for my friend. You'll know whats best for you. Just weigh up all the pros and cons of staying or leaving and take it from there. I agree with Susan that you sound exhausted. Take a holiday or even a couple of weeks sick. See you GP too. Its always harder to make a decision when we are in thick of things, you need to have a space to think clearly. Take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Hi Dawn, I am so sad that you are so down at the moment but i completely understand where you are coming from. I was the manager of a day nursery and felt exactly the same as you, i was tired, down, even made me ill cos i was so run down, I saw my local nurse and discused it with her at length then i decided to take a break and went and did a little travelling (ok a year in OZ but im not suggesting you do something so drastic) but when i came back i was refreshed and the world was my oyster and decided to do something different and i now have my own pre-school (and about to open my second) It has revitilised my love for the job as i am back working with the chidlren again. All i can say is give yourself a break, it is damn hard work managing a day nursery and working 48 weeks a year gives you little time for you self. It's ok to need a change but dogo and speak to someone just in case it is medical and if it isnt then listen to your heart. You must do what is right for you. My thoughts are with you as i have been there and understand. Hope this has helped a little Niki xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 you are all so kind with your words, i am still in the 'thinking' stage at present..... tho i looked at my attendance since january 09 and i have had at least one bout of illness (sometimes just one day, somtimes up to three days) per month, apart from the month i had a weeks annual leave. thing is compared to the last three years this is unusual for me. in the whole time i have been there i had one week signed of sick with severe tonsilitus, and a few odd days with normal sickness bug. My migraines are back with avengance at the moment.... i am thinking my decreased health and hence attendance is clearly something that is not helped by the stress im under..... and im not one to just take a day of because i simply feel like it, i really do have to feel ill to stay off ill. I don't feel much better even thoough its weekend, i really do need some 'me; time, but right now maths revision is calling, because i have the second gcse paper on monday. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 It's not sounding good, Dawn. I get migranes too, although not for a while - and usually at the release of stress, rather than during (thank goodness!) It sounds like you have already decided, but haven't voiced it yet. You need to take a break before you 'break'. Big hugs and lots of empathy coming your way. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marion Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 I don't know what to help say Dawn so will just send a hug and good thoughts. Take Care your health is very imprtant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 So sorry to hear how down you are feeling. " So now it seems she has won"....Is it just this or more? I wondered if it was also a case of post study blues but see that you are still doing maths (although this isn't, I am sure as inspiring as 'Child' related study). Your observed pattern of illness absence shouldn't be ignored, definately signs of stress, fatigue, aneamia (spl) or something similar. I do think it is great that the relationship you have with your boss has enabled you to feel able to speak so directly and honestly with her, and credit to you for doing this. If you can have a break, also no harm in looking around at other job prospects but be assured there is most probably a 'deputy' type person in every setting. So will the grass be greener. If possible I would hope that you gain the strebgth (of mind and health) to stay, as others have said the fruits of you're hard work are just coming into fruition - It would be a shame to have done all the ground work, nurturing, toil, pruning and feeding of your knowledge to then walk away and not be able to enjoy the fruit. (just thinking about our local orchards and apple trees, lots of hard work over the Autumn and winter months, the blossoms are just turning into tiny fruits, how sad if the 'growers' missed the harvest. If you do decide to stay plan with the owners how best you can strike a work / life balance, what more can be delegated, what stresses can be managed by the owners and not left entirely to you, what do they see that they can offer you between now and say 5 or 10 yrs time? Let us know how things go, thinking of you. Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Hi, Just to say I will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope that you have a better day and are slightly less tired. It would be good to have a break even a few days off would give you some breathing space and thinking time which you sound like you need. Don't beat yourself up about any of this and make sure you take care of you ( I know how hard this is!!) but you do need to think about your health and sanity. It's great that you were able to chat with the owner but you need to find ways in which they can support you as well as listening. No job no matter how important is more important than you Take care and let us know how things go over the next few days Love, hugs and prayers Nicky Sussex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 i do feel for you Dawn - ive walked away after 10 years and am still finding it difficult - just wanted to send you hugs and best wishes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 I'm sorry to come so late to this, but am pleased you have had such positive and helpful support. I have little to add to the wonderful advice you have already received, other than virtual hugs and good luck for tomorrow. As others have said, please take care of YOU! Sue xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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