Grrrrrrrr

[lashes2508]

Just needing to sound off , just when I think we have a great team and we all working towards a better work practice and provision for our children , I seem to have one member of staff who just seems intent on upsetting the apple cart and seems to want to enjoy peeing me off !! She takes it upon her self to question others behind my back and make them feel uncomfortable too as well as being ignorant and rude to me rather than talk. What really riles me is that I have been very supportive in her taking time off for personal reasons , have open chats and supervision records and give her every opportunity to talk and then she waits til the next day to retaliate and question things already discussed ! This manager lark is never easy !! Feeling frustrated

[thumperrabbit]

Feel your pain - I had exactly the same thing for 4 years until she went

No words of advice I'm afraid some days I could laugh it off other days I got very down about it - no matter what support help or advice I gave (and to my face she thanked me) behind my back it was thrown back at me.

I decided to kill with kindness (oh and document EVERYTHING!) and in the end she left

Now everyone's happy

[Stargrower]

People talking behind my back is one of the things I find hardest about being a manager. Especially when you overhear it. Like Thumperrabbit, sometimes I can be strong, other times I really can't and it does get me down too. I guess it is just part of being a boss. Hope you can either resolve it or rise above it.

[Fredbear]

This must be a growing trend. As I recently had a staff member like you describe.

Sometimes you can take it other times it is very upsetting.

But then I rise above it, and see it as their weakness and get on with the job.

What's the phrase " you can't please everybody all of the time".

Sometimes it can feel lonely at the helm.

Appraisals or Supervisions can sometimes help people look at the bigger picture.

Hugs Fx

[Andreamay]

Somebody told me recently that a big nursery network in the area apparantly have a policy if any issues are not discussed at a supervision meeting and then staff are heard discussing issues that could of been brought up at the meeting then it will result in a displinary! I quite like that idea! My bugbear too!

[Rea]

I had one like that some years ago, she split the team with her back stabbing.

On a staff night out I pulled her to one side and asked her if she had a problem with me, she looked surprised and said no and asked why I'd think that! So I told her why! She changed somewhat after that but then decided to leave anyway.

[sunnyday]

lashes - I'm sending you a very big hug xxx

[emasi8624]

I am in exactly the same predicament with one of my staff.... I have bent over backwards for her and do everything I can to accommodate her as a working mother. She has been talking behind my back and even imitating me, and also trying to turn the other staff against me. She does not do the minimum of what is required of her including planning, profiles etc yet she is telling everyone she deserves a pay rise because the nursery has almost been open a year. And if a parcel gets delivered at work for me she will make comments about me being able to buy myself something but I haven't given her a pay rise!! If I am off for a day (god forbid), she will spend the whole day asking where I am and even calling me for the most ridiculous reasons rather than just asking the other staff. It is also very awkward on a morning as it is me and her for 1 hour and some days she will just ignore me and then be over the top with everyone else when they arrive. She even had the nerve to email me at midnight one night with a huge email about how she feels she should be deputy manager (she is Level 2 and works 16 hours a week). The other day she spent the whole day complaining about me because I asked her to clean the bathroom - she told staff that it is my nursery so therefore my responsibility to clean it!! I am at the end of my tether so I definitely feel your pain.

I will be doing her supervision next week and there will be a lot of issues being raised as above is the tip of the iceberg and also looking at disciplinary proceedings for under performance. Its a shame as the rest of the team are fantastic except for this one always trying to stir up problems and influence other staff members. I would rather pay someone who is loyal and there to do the job. At the moment I feel like I have bought a guard dog yes I am stood there barking myself!

[Rea]

Be brave, ask them outright what their problem is. Some people take and take and think nothing of complaining if you dont let them take quickly enough. The direct route might be what they need to give them a jolt.

[Stargrower]

You're right Rea, a direct approach is often the best route. Easier said than done though sometimes. :1b

I feel for everyone who has added to this thread - as if we don't have enough to worry about with children and their families. I have a fantastic team on the whole, but sometimes it just feels like more children!

[Fredbear]

Oh my I would not put up with that.

Making contacting regarding work or of a personal nature, should only take place within working hours unless it is an emergency situation.

I think she needs to understand that no level 2 is allowed to be a Deputy, as they must be able to stand in as a Manager in their absence and the statutory requirement is a minimum of level 3.

I would certainly be having a discussion and giving a verbal warning whilst following your disciplinary procedures on this one.

Hugs Fx

[louby loo]

I think you do need to develop a thick skin. Personally I would aim for a 'off the cuff' meeting ( that I have planned for time wise- a day with good staff cover) and then ask for a quick chat. I would then simple ask quite directly if they have a problem with you- obviously in a very nice way though- catching them off guard and try and work things out that way. After that you may need/want to do things in a more formal way. I would still record this meeting and give her the notes though.

Sometimes I honestly think some people are so wrapped up in themselves they do hurtful things without realising they are doing it. especially in the first post here......

Lashes- you said you have been very understanding of her 'personal' problems--- is it that she sees you as someone she can 'lash out at' (no name pun intended!) ... sort of 'kick the dog syndrome' ? Therefore if she's having a bad day at home- she feels she can take it out on you because you are so understanding, it may even make her feel more in control of her own personal problems.

[trekker]

Oh I have one of those too...have done for the past 10 years I think (several different incarnations) and is always trying to give an excuse for not doing as ive asked - especially the outdoor play fiasco!

Today I'm the batty woman who lets the children go out in the rain (oh how horrendous!!) ....most rainy days are the same - I see rolling eyes as I open the door (after waiting in vain for one of them to do it!) and she is noted quickly looking for some 'urgent' task to become occupied with that might excuse her from going out (although she doesn't get away with it!) ...I hear the tuts and muttering about 'parents wont like so and so getting wet' ... and when I come in with a wet child she exchanges knowing glances with the others ...things are quite tense - but I don't see a way out - committee run group and no one lieks to go down the capability route I guess.

Underperformance is definitely an issue, absences and meeting deadlines too but I cant get anywhere...haven't even had time to do supervisions since last summer...

If only there was a simple answer for us all!!

[lashes2508]

thanks everyone for your hugs, words of advice and sharing your own stories ,for those people that know me , I am straight talking and honest, I don't like bad feeling and like to deal with issues openly and honestly without trying to offend , I will be supportive and tactile (offering a hug when needed but I am no pushover and hate being lied to , fortunately I know everyone has a little moan about everyone that's human nature but it's the making others feel uncomfortable I don't like and the snidy way things are done. I have recorded all conversations both texts and voice mail , the one last night was particularly shitty ! and my chair listened to it herself today. I am being cautious that as this person ( who weirdly I still quite like) may want to be a pain when confronted in a return to work meeting. Sadly she does not realise that the people I work with are very loyal and despite trying to stir the hornets nest she may be the one to get stung - all above board and professional of course .

thanks again everyone , I do feel a problem shared is a problem halved xxxx

[Rea]

Good for you I'm all for offering shoulders to cry on, hugs, unofficial days off but there comes a point when you have to take the gloves off

[louby loo]

thanks everyone for your hugs, words of advice and sharing your own stories ,for those people that know me , I am straight talking and honest, I don't like bad feeling and like to deal with issues openly and honestly without trying to offend , I will be supportive and tactile (offering a hug when needed but I am no pushover and hate being lied to , fortunately I know everyone has a little moan about everyone that's human nature but it's the making others feel uncomfortable I don't like and the snidy way things are done. I have recorded all conversations both texts and voice mail , the one last night was particularly shitty ! and my chair listened to it herself today. I am being cautious that as this person ( who weirdly I still quite like) may want to be a pain when confronted in a return to work meeting. Sadly she does not realise that the people I work with are very loyal and despite trying to stir the hornets nest she may be the one to get stung - all above board and professional of course .

thanks again everyone , I do feel a problem shared is a problem halved xxxx

Have you seen the performance management resources on the early years Essex website? Some useful info on there - they may even offer support too (although with recent cutbacks I doubt it as that's probably why they've put it online )

 

If all else fails - I'm extremely good with a sewing machine (even if I do say so myself :1b) and I recon could make some lovely tops with stab proof backs!!! Judging by the responses on this thread, I think there might be quite a demand for them!

[lashes2508]

Hi lobby lou yes I have thank you as one of my parents works in that dept , and as for that sewing machine get it warmed up ! Hehe

Edited January 29, 2014 by lashes2508

[louby loo]

, and as for that sewing machine get it warmed up ! Hehe

Yayyyy - I'm going to get a stand at the Childcare Expo (next to the FSF stand of course) and sell my special tops!!

[Stargrower]

I'll put in an order now please. Could I have it in some nice Cath Kidston fabric. Size,,,um...10 (not!)

[louby loo]

I'll put in an order now please. Could I have it in some nice Cath Kidston fabric. Size,,,um...10 (not!)

sizes will be- triple 0 through to size 10, regardless as to the amount of fabric needed. :1b

[eyfs1966]

OooooH perhaps I could put in an order ( definately a size zero for me ha ha!!) as well as suggest a few new lines for your new creative sewing career. I would like to suggest

splendid new gloves for my four pairs of hands that I require at all times.

visors for the eyes I have in the back of my head

an apron with very very deep pockets for all the expenses I feel unable to charge for

ear muffs that only allow me to hear the positive things and block the negatives

trousers that shrink my backside to the size of a nursery chair pad....I could go on and on!

[lashes2508]

mmm, today was the day and suffice to say it was not the best one I have had but every cloud and all that , the said person became verbally aggressive and at one point I though I may be subject to some violence but I kept calm and professional and she decided to walk out and has since spoken to committee to inform of resignation and decision not to work notice. Thankful for a very supportive staff team and committee and hug to help stop the shaking that took over me after she left. not what you want to happen but sometimes you have no control , onwards and upwards.

[sunnyday]

Oh crikey lashes........

Sounds like you handled a very difficult situation really well - good for you - here's another hug from me xxx

[Vogue]

Wow, well done - great outcome and her decision at the end of the day :1b

[zigzag]

Well done you. It really is a horrible part of the job isn't it. Hope you relax with a big glass of wine and that things improve rapidly.

[Fredbear]

Hugs to you. Not the nicest part of our jobs is it, but unfortunately unavoidable in some instances. May you and your team now go onwards and upwards.

[lashes2508]

Well some of us get our rewards in heaven but I got mine with a few glasses of red and a couple of wins at bingo with the girls last night , so a better end to the day , thank you again for all your kind words hugs xx

[lashes2508]

Well I spoke too soon and now face a weekend of worry and undue stress but knowing that I will have to be ultra professional but yet feel I am going against my principles as a supervisor. The person in question who refused to attend meeting yesterday with committee but spoke at length to chair on phone , has text chair saying she was seeking advice from cab ( no prob I would do same) chair met with her this afternoon expecting letter of resignation and letter stating her complaints as requested and she has back tracked on resignation and been advised that we need to move forward and how we can do this . She wishes to remain at work until she finds something else , as she will receive no payment and cannot afford to leave. She also said that she is unable o attend work on Monday as she has made other arrangements. I do not want her to return , she walked out , failed to turn up today ( expected because of yesterday) and now is failing to turn up Monday , has made me feel threatened with her aggressive behaviour and upset the team. I have arranged cover for her shifts and do not feel anyone using us for monetary reasons is going to give her full attention to the job , previous concerns from last supervision is her vacancy and lack of response to things happening in setting , feel like we have been backed into a corner and can only hope she realises it is not beneficial to anyone. The flight instinct is, she comes back I go , so not professional or the fight instinct , that I put up with it ! Arrrrgh &@-/:?,.!',#¥[]\{|}~#<%>^€*$*

[Rea]

Showing shes a tough cookie can work to your advantage, you dont have to be nice anymore, just professional and detached!

In your place, if you can afford it, I'd keep the cover you've arranged and let her know she is suspended on full pay until you have been able to get employment advice yourself. Phone acas on Monday and then arrange a meeting with her, yourself, chair and somebody she would like to have as support. Put your points across, listen to hers and part company to digest everything. You can arrange other meetings once you have her grievances. Try not to think about it the weekend, relax and prepare for battle

Edited February 7, 2014 by Rea

[sunnyday]

Crikey lashes - I must stop starting posts in this thread like that!

Right - fab advice there from Rea - could you afford to suspend her on full pay?

Definitely ring ACAS. I'm not at all sure that she can 'pick and choose' when she might like to work - nor can she walk out, nor can she intimidate her colleagues with aggressive behaviour.........

Hopefully someone with experience of this sort of situation will be along soon.

In the meantime - please don't worry about this all weekend - I know that's easier said than done - but at least you know she isn't coming in to work on Monday which will buy you some time to get some advice from ACAS + LA.......are you PSLA members - they might be able to help?

Here comes another huge hug x