Cantankerous Mother

[TORO]

Hi all,

 

Am sure i have moaned about this woman before, but she is really driving me and staff mad. She complains and moan over any slight matter, she wants a written report b/c her child was bitten and name of child, we said no, staff wrote a short note and gave it to her, not good enough wants one with a letter headed paper. She owns fees, which is partly paid by college, but when appointment are booked it is either she is too busy, or she is ill can't make it. We stopped her bringing her child in for days not covered by college, she rained abuses on us, saying we are unprofessional, all we care is about money etc etc. A staff asked child after having a week off, how her week was, child said i went to my clean nursery to play,(playgroup) am really fuming, and will be requesting a meeting with mum, but she is very difficult to pin down. Child is 3 now and fully potty trained, when she does a no 2, mum wants the staff to clean her, which is fine, and goes ballistic if pants shows any streak marks on them, she has also given staff a list of dos and do for child one is to give bland food to child b/c of allergies she has ezema, but we should put salt and pepper in her food which she gave the nursery today. Can l legally tell her to teach her child how to clean herself, b/c knowing her if child comes home with a scratch or any marks she will want a lengthy report, and staff are fearful of this, because she comes in every morning complaining that child told her child b pushed and she feels that child is being bullied. I also think that she coaches her child, and does a lot of questoning that child feels she must report any incident to mum true of false, she made an allegation against a child who was not in on a particular day.

 

Can l also tell her to bring her own food in b/c l can forsee a day when she comes in stating her child has been given food with herbs or seasoning etc etc. I should say here that child has been with us from 8 months and she is now 3, eats everything until now no problem, we have been suffering for a while, but child is really lovely.

 

Moan over sorry and thanks

[Fredbear]

I think sometimes just sometimes you are faced with families that whatever you try it is never good enough. You can either do two things, First demand a meeting and lay down the practice of your provision, i presume she signed something when she joined of your rules, etc. Secondly if she really is that dissatisfied with your care that it maybe in the best interests of all concerned if she finds alternative arrangements.

I would be more worried what impact this is having on the child, if mum is continually interrogating her.

Hope you are able to resolve this for all concerned.

[HappyMaz]

Without knowing the mum personally it is hard to say for sure, but it sounds to me as if she might have attachment issues and is finding it very difficult to trust you with her daughter's care. I agree with bridger, you need to clear the air and find a way forward or suggest with regret that if she is so unhappy that she should find a setting that is able to meet her needs.

 

Sometimes a conversation like this can resolve the issue as the parent has been previously unaware of how her behaviour is impacting on you as practitioners (let alone her daughter), and the prospect of having to find another setting might make her realise that her expectations are unrealistic.

 

Good luck.

 

Maz

[mps09]

invite her in - so she can see the practice in reality!

[Lyanne]

there's a lot of issues with your parent! One thing we have is apolicy that we do not wipe children when they've been to the toilet and this is spelled out to parents: we will clean children when changing nappies using wipes provided by parents or ours if not provided, we will wipe children with wipes (as before) if they have wet or soiled themselves, we will stay in the toilet area and pass the children toilet roll or flushable wipes provided by parents, but they wipe themselves.

[Hello Kitty]

I think there is usually one parent like this in every cohort - unfortunately. We have a few this year

We have changed our in/out system as our hours have changed meaning we have children staying, arriving and leaving all at one time between the 2 sessions. In the morning session children all arrive together and go straight to free play after self-registering. At the mid-session we have them come in and play in the carpet area with those staying from the morning until all those leaving have been collected from a different door. We have done this for the safety of all the children but because it was different we obviously had a few not happy to start with. One of these was crying after a staff member told him he had to play on the carpet for a few minutes. The mum asked him what was wrong and he said she had told him he had to play there and he didn't want to - mum said 'well you don't have to do what she tells you' OMG! She has also accused children of picking on the child - children who don't play anywhere near him of course!

We have another who moans about everything and last week she had a go at another parent outside school because her son was being bullied by this woman's son - er not!

 

Unfortunately some people are never satisfied.

 

Do you have any form of home/setting book? Our children all have a book bag and a notebook for parents/other carers/staff to write in. We try to write at least weekly and say things they've enjoyed or achievements made. If there are incidents we write a report anyway like we do with an accident so both parties - the injured child and the one who did it - have to have their parents' signature. Anyway I'm thinking if the parent doesn't come in for meetings but rants a lot you could intro a book. Sometimes they think twice once they realise how often they are moaning

 

You said about her bringing food in... I think if she is so concerned then you have every right to ask her but if the food is part of the fees you would have to adjust this.

 

We encourage our lot to at least try to clean themselves after the toilet and then we check. This is certainly not unreasonable!

 

If this child was 'neglected' because staff were too busy wiping everybody's bottoms I'm sure she'd moan so perhaps remind her that all the time spent in the toilet is time away from the activities

[Guest]

Winston Churchill once said " you can not hope to please all of the people, all of the time, only hope to please some of the people, some of the time" - thats my current mantra whilst dealing with a parent almost as cantankerous as yours!!!

 

I'm planning to invite my parent in and in as nice as way as possible 'lay the law down' if you know what I mean! show her policies, explain why and how we do things.

 

Good luck xx

[TORO]

hi all

 

Me again, this woman has gone too far now, she left a nasty message at midnight on my mobilephone calling staff stupid and unprofessional just because she is been chased for outstanding bill of over £1000.I really have no option but to exclude her child now. As anyone got a sample letter of exclusion, or been through this before? Thanks again for the replies.

[Inge]

sorry, not got a letter or anything,

 

but do suggest that all is well documented, keep any phone messages, witness statements by staff she had been involved with and all future meetings are in pairs...

 

don't want this one to come back at you because she has made a complaint to Ofsted or children's services

 

Inge

[Hello Kitty]

So tempted to say something rude!

That is harrassment hun I would seek legal advice - are you with PLA so you can use Lawcall?

Definitely play this one by the book

[HoneyPancakes]

I think this woman is trying to avoid/evade payment of dues and is preparing to make a claim against your business hoping you'll drop the case to avoid embarrassment. I bet she's done it before and got away with it. It sounds to me like you have a sound case and I think you should pursue her fearlessly through the small claims court.

 

I say that, but I'd chicken out - but I'd hate myself later too.

 

Best of British,

 

Honey

[Guest]

hi all

 

Me again, this woman has gone too far now, she left a nasty message at midnight on my mobilephone calling staff stupid and unprofessional just because she is been chased for outstanding bill of over £1000.I really have no option but to exclude her child now. As anyone got a sample letter of exclusion, or been through this before? Thanks again for the replies.

 

Oh Toro

 

Some years ago I had a similar experience with a parent (I'm a childminder and had only been registered for a year!) I gave her notice and she took it badly, resulting in late night and early morning phone calls, claims that I was unprofessional, had overcharged blah, blah.....

 

I felt SO vulnerable until she turned up on my doorstep at 10.30pm one Friday night.... just as my police officer neighbour arrived home! The neighbour said nothing, went indoors and phoned me to see what was going on, advised me to shut the door in the parents face and tell her I was going to take legal advice. The parent left but swore she would return

 

My neighbour then arrived, informed me that she'd rung the local police station and reported that I was being harrassed! 2 PC's came out and sat with me while I phoned the legal advice line. They confirmed I'd acted in accordance with the terms of our contract and that she had no case to make. The PC's then left to "have a word" with the parent - they turned up on her doorstep at midnight and advised her against contacting me again, pointing out the correct way of making a complaint etc. They also arranged for BT to block any calls from her number.

 

The parent never followed up her complaint but I had the peace of mind of knowing that everything was recorded by the legal-line, the police and myself. This information has stayed in my records ever since.

 

I know it seems extreme and I'm not sure I'd have thought of calling the police myself but it made SUCH a difference. PLEASE give your legal advice line a call (mine was through my NCMA Public Liability insurance) and see what they say but if she's contacting you on your personal mobile number at midnight your local police may well feel they have reason to become involved.

 

Hope it gets sorted soon!

 

Nona

[sunnyday]

hi all

 

Me again, this woman has gone too far now, she left a nasty message at midnight on my mobilephone calling staff stupid and unprofessional just because she is been chased for outstanding bill of over £1000.I really have no option but to exclude her child now. As anyone got a sample letter of exclusion, or been through this before? Thanks again for the replies.

Oh poor you ....... I don't have anything helpful to say.........just wanted to send some sympathy/empathy and a big hug

[Rea]

I think I would write to her. Refer to all the complaints she's made against you and your staff over the weeks and your response to each, then tell her she owes the money and until such time as it is paid you will be excluding her child, hand it to her as soon as she arrives. I know its not the childs fault and it seems mean but £1000 is too much for you to absorb and it will only rise, I know because we had a family leave us last year owing over £200, every week they were giong to pay!. Our accountant has told us we have 6 years to claim back any money owing. I have looked at the small claim court but you need better receipts than i was keeping at the time so I left it, but I am strict on non-payment now.

Edited November 13, 2010 by Rea

[Sue R]

I'm concerned that she has your mobile number - do you make a practice of giving it to parents? I think it's probably quite unwise - witness this occurrence!

 

Other than that, if she does owe £1000 I agree that she is trying to cloud the issue. I think you need to follow this one through.

[sunnyday]

I'm concerned that she has your mobile number - do you make a practice of giving it to parents? I think it's probably quite unwise - witness this occurrence!

I'm thinking maybe this is the 'setting phone' - all my parents have all of my contact details Home 'phone, Mobile and Email - I own and manage my setting (small village pre-school) - would be different, of course in a bigger 'set up' than mine

 

Have to say, the more I think about this, the more I get the horrible feeling that, as others have said, she may well have been planning this all along

[redjayne]

This smacks so much of two situations I had in my setting - about 18 months apart , in both the parents settled child in but then the grumbles and gripes started, just little things , mislaid items of clothing, nappies not changed on the dot of every 3 hours, daily logsheets not detialed enough etc... I dealth with all the 'complaints' as they arose in the corrrect way - all recorded and parents sign to witness issue dealt with. In both cases they then started to build up a debt, when challenged , empty promises and in both cases as per our debt management process I had to give notice when debt got to £500+ ( only a few weeks worth when full time) In both cases I then got the knock on the door from OFSTED a few weeks later, a complaint about care of the child/ children, but no mention of the money owed ! When our side of the story was aired, and documentation shared OFSTED were superb in both cases - and nothing went on our profile. I have since taken both to small claims - one is paying £25 a month , the other has moved address twice and has dropped off the radar as happens at times. It's a pain but just remeber to record everything and stick to your policy and procedures in all cases, it is worth it .

[Pimms o'clock?]

I've had the same as Redjayne; moan, moan, moan while running up a bill then leave in a huff or asked to pay up or leave and low and behold door bell rings "I'm from Ofsted, I have come to investigate a complaint". I had a visit on 12th October (my daughters birthday, completely ruined as you can imagine) but the complaint related to 16th July and 8th April.

 

As one of the complaints was made out to be a safeguarding issue and the Inspector read page 22 to me trying to tell me I should have notified them when my investigation proved without doubt that a child was never in any danger of harm (spoke to Local Authority CPO about it and took advice) (a little explaination is need here I think - it was bacause one child wanted to see another childs bottom, age appropriate curiosity). I had the threat of breaking the law by not reporting to Ofsted and a £5,000.00 fine hanging over me waiting for his call as he had to check with his collegues. He didn't tell me I would be waiting for almost two weeks (feeling totally distraught) because he was on leave. Anyway he came back to me and said that the concensus was that I was "probably" right as they couldn't prove outwise, but that he would still be raising an "Action" against me because my complaints paperwork was not complete - and do you know why that is, its because I didn't file two emails from this parent in the complaints folder, I didn't because they gave the name and email address of this individual, this file must be made available to any parent that asks to see it so I thought by keeping them on the computer and maintaining confidentiality "if ever Ofsted wanted to see them I knew where they were" How right was I.

 

Sorry to rant on about this but I am sitting here still thinking about what to write on the reply form for the Action that Ofsted have had put on the website for the world to see for the next 5 years thanks to this bleep, bleeping bleep of an individual. I am also thinking court action for defamation, but do I have the strength to go with the inclination?

 

BMG

Edited November 14, 2010 by BMG

[laura]

Oh poor you BMG and Toro x

 

We have had to deal with a visitor saying horrible things about us on Facebook this week. She dumped her child on us, didn't want to stay for his taster session and when she arrived left just as quickly but in that short space of time she found us rude, disorganised, children were noisy etc etc -lovely - we were none of those!!!!

Edited November 14, 2010 by laura