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Hello, for the passed few days we have had lots of "she/he doesnt like me anymore" or .................. said shes/hes not my friend anymore ect... we have spoken to the children about how important it is to have friends and to be nice ect.. has anyone out there got any tips we can use or any books that would be helpful? thank you.

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I have to say I kind of ignore this kind of thing. Obviously I make all the right noises, ask them to help me or play with me for a while and tut tut, but really, young children change their minds about who they are/arent friends with so often that to try to keep ahead of it would drive you mad.

Obviously you can look out for the same child who is being mentioned or the same child who says 'they're not my friend', but really, I think its just a part of growing up, and the girls will always be worse than the boys.

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Have you read 'You can't say you can't play' by Vivien Gussan Paley. I tried this out at our Pre-School and it has worked a treat. Not every time but most of the time.

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Hi,

 

I would like to try that book!

 

I do try to say 'we don't have to be everybody's friend but we do have to be friedly, and that is not a very friendly thing to say and you've made XXXX feel sad'

 

Not sure it works but it makes me feel like I've done something!! :o

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Thanks will try that book, i know its all part of growing up as my little girl is always doing it, but this little boy does it all the time,maybe ill try the 'firm' voice and keep an eye on it, thanks sunnyday.

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I tend to say - in my beat 'firm' voice "We're all friends HERE" .....that has always worked for me! xD

But we can't all be friends all the time can we? In fact in any largeish group of people there are bound to be people we don't get on so well with, or even actively dislike. I've heard that some people don't like me, and I'm practically perfect in every way! :o

 

We talk to children about how we get on better with some people than others, and how we can't make other people want to play with us no matter how much we want them to. We also reassure children that they are not obliged to play with children they don't want to, or to play a game just because their friend wants them to.

 

However, we do work with children to make sure they are polite and kind to one another, and try to build up children's empathy so they understand why words are every bit as painful sometimes as a kick in the shins. Just because we don't like someone very much or they irritate us, it doesn't mean we have the right to be rude or unkind.

 

Maz

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Maz - you said it in a nutshell! All I would addis that for some children it's reassuring to explain that although your friend (who you do play with pretty regularly) does not want to play right now, this does not mean forever and that it is good for friends to have a little space now and then - they will probably be back to find you soon/tomorrow/next time.... and that it's normal and (conspiritorial whisper) even grownups fall out sometimes! Thenwe go and find something enticing to do or someone else to play with - usually all is well. Obviously if this becomes a particular issue for one child that's another matter, otherwise it's part of getting to grips with the big wide world :)

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I'm the same as Sunnyday really. I say something like "Oh, that doesn't sound very friendly, does it? I thought we were all good friends here!"

 

As you say, it's usually a flash in the pan and done and over in a few minutes, but I feel it's important for children to realise that their thoughtless words have the power to hurt someone - and this lesson can't be learned too soon!

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Have you ever taught year 5 or 6???? Triumvirates of girls all falling out in pairs of friends that change on a seemingly daily basis. And listening to my niece (13) it doesn't stop there!!!!!

 

It's pretty perennial and to be honest - it ain't gonna change!!!!

 

Cx

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Have you ever taught year 5 or 6???? Triumvirates of girls all falling out in pairs of friends that change on a seemingly daily basis. And listening to my niece (13) it doesn't stop there!!!!!

 

It's pretty perennial and to be honest - it ain't gonna change!!!!

 

Cx

 

 

Yup! You are certainly right there!!!

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I have heard this a few times as well. Again the reply was "we are all friends in this school and we play with each other".

 

Don't know if this will help or not, but I have had a little ones come to me and say "xxxx says he doesnt want to play with me at the cars, because he is playing with xxxxx at the water.

 

My reply has alway been something along the lines of "Well maybe he might come and play later. xxxx is playing with the cars right now, maybe you would like to play with him. If they seem a bit hesitant I have tried saying something along the lines of "Isnt it great that we have so many friends in our school. I like having friends that I can do different things with. Some of my friends I go for walks with, others I go shopping with, some I talk on the phone to etc"

 

It has worked when I have used it, especially when you have two that are great friends and then all of a sudden one decides to do his or her own thing and leaves the other undecided as to what to do.

 

And if the above doesnt make any sense, please excuse me as I am tired. They should have a yawning emoticon on here!! :o

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