Cait Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 So this morning a Mum told me that her son wouldn't be coming back to us in September, in spite of her having assured us a week or so ago that he'll be with us for his Nursery Grant year next year. It seems she asked him if he wanted to go to his big sister's school in September like the big boys or stay with us (gee thanks for that!) so guess what.... I'm particularly peeved because of all the work we have put into this particular child over the last 12 months; he was hard to settle, poor behaviour, poor speech and very destructive and we've got through all that and he's great now. His Key Person has spent ages creating a fabulous learning story with him and obviously poured a lot of love and effort into helping him settle and start to bond with other children and communicate well. And now this, and someone else gets to benefit from our hard work. He comes to us full days at the moment (till summer) but nursery school (attached to 'big school') is just mornings so Mum says she might 'put him in a couple of afternoons with us, if that's ok' (Gee thanks for nothing) It's not as if they are having problems getting one child to one setting and one to another as that's not a problem with her extended family. And I know that they move on to other settings, it's just - I suppose I'm feeling a bit 'used'. I honestly don't think that parents have a clue what goes on 'behind the scenes' helping children to settle and adjust and the sheer physical hard work of it some days! Altogether not a happy bunny tonight. Thanks for the rant - feel a bit better now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Quite a rant that Cait - hope you feel better for it! I know how you feel as we have had similar cases with a couple of our children in recent times. I think the only thing I can say is that the little boy in question has gained a great deal from all the hard work you have put in and that, at the end of the day, is the main thing. You have made a positive impact on his life which is something that cannot be taken away from you. Parents can be an unfortunate complication at times! Chin up! DDC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narnia Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 well, I can see you're frustrated by this.................but try to see the positives.Who gets the benefit of all your hard work?? HE does. And if he's ready for this next step, congratulate yourselves on a job well done, and move on to the next child who needs your help.It's what we do...............they're 'ours' for a little while and we move them on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Hi Cait, Feel for you - I also have a couple of children who are thinking about the nursery attached to a school for September - both children have needed a lot of support especially behaviour - we have instigated 1-1 with one of them for periods of time et etc - both parents never get here when we open always around 20 mins late - then they want to talk about what the children havent done and any ideas on getting them to eat their dinner get dressed etc etc, after spending time and making them feel better, they go off feeling positive - nurturing relationships etc etc, they have asked my advice and I have said that this is your decision to make - if they do decide to go the the nursery I think they are in for a shock because there is no way you can run a school nursery with two staff and parents arriving late and wanting to chat - anyway it is not my place to tell them this - the nursery is really wonderful and I am sure they will be fine and I expect the parents won't be in need of so much support, but I do agree, parents do not see the time and effort we often put in. Dot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 I think you are right about parents not realising how much work we put in. You have made a hugely positive impact on this little boy and you need to focus on that. It is a pity he won't have longer in your setting to benefit from being settled and secure. Keep smiling and taking it on the chin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 well, I can see you're frustrated by this.................but try to see the positives.Who gets the benefit of all your hard work?? HE does. And if he's ready for this next step, congratulate yourselves on a job well done, and move on to the next child who needs your help. Excellent advice narnia as always - I shall try to bear this is mind just now as I am coming to terms with a parent's decision which has left me more than a little hurt and bruised. I shall focus on the job we've done and are doing and not let my personal feelings get in the way! Thank you so much for putting it into context for me! Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 oh dear - it is hard when that happens but as Narnia says look at the positives the fantastic starts you have given these children.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondie Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 we also have the same problem - one group local to us wont take children till they are funded so we occasionally have children join us for a term only to disappear when the funding kicks in. as you say cait - you settle them in work hard with them and then they are gone but as narnia says it is the child who benefits from all the hard work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I think we've all felt like that at one time or another. It does make you feel used but one of my favourite times is when they ask to come back. The grass isnt always greener. Give him a wonderful send off and give yourself a pat on the back for all your hard work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlettangel Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 I agree that some parents have no idea the work that goes into settling a child, encouraging a child etc. It brings to mind a few years ago when we had a child with us for 4 maybe 5 terms. He was hard work. Mum was extra hard work. But by the end of nursery you could see this childs improvemtns the distance he had come.......... Now some may disagree with me here, and say we provide a service and we gave that service but what wound me up is that this mother lied to us on our end of term party day and told us he was ill........... when we saw his pic in the paper at a local party in the park type thing and she never let him finish the term with us, just decided he didn't need to come anymore............... and I think the crux of the matter for me is that never once did she thank us for our hard work. I know its our job. But lots of parents are grateful for what you have done and a thankyou costs nothing..... but it means so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted May 20, 2009 Author Share Posted May 20, 2009 I'm sorry that lots of you are going through the same thing, but perversely I'm pleased that it's not just me and the time of the month/my age making me think out of proportion! So I'll smile at Mum today, same as always and carry on as usual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 When you smile at her, chat about how well he's done while he's been with you, how well he's responded to the staff and how closely his keyworker has worked with him, finish by saying how glad you are that she chose you to help her little boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Cait, there are some of us who really do appreciate the things you early years practitioners do for the children. Since getting involved as chair, and joining this forum, I've been astounded at how much effort, care and thought you all put into your work. As far as I'm concerned, you all deserve at least 10x the pay you are given for what you do. As an ex-teacher I would be delighted to have been handed on any of the children you've cared for - those first few years are the most vital stage in a child's life, the things you do lay the bed rock for a child to succeed at school. I'm hoping that at least some of the parents do give you a thank you card and present when their children move on. Personally I keep a folder of all the cards I've received in my teaching career (with older children they write them themselves, maybe they appreciate us more than the parents!) It gives you something to look at when you're feeling unappreciated. I will definitely be giving one to both the settings my daughter attends when she moves on to school. Take care, Sue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Cait - I can completely empathise with you. I would say that 99% of my parents are very appreciative - but you get the odd one from time to time - and it jolly well hurts - in my experience it always tends to be the parent of a child who has been 'extremely hard work' - I'm sure there is a connection there - but I won't launch into any of my amateur pyschology! As others have said - just know that you and your staff have given him a wonderful start. Sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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