Cait Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Was that MANhandle, Inge? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 How about this one (with apologies for the body part nicknames - please don't be offended). I should also point out that I didn't write it! Maz Ode to Mammograms For years and years they told me, be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, and give them monthly tests. So I heeded all their warnings, and protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, and I always wore my bra. After 30 years of astute care, my Genoa, Dr. Pruitt, Said I should get a Mammogram - O.K," I said, "let's do it." Stand up here real close" she said, she got my boob in line, And tell me when it hurts," she said, "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine." She stepped upon a pedal, I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate came slamming down, My hooter's in a vise! My skin was stretched and mangled, from underneath my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, to Swedish Pancake thin. Excruciating pain I felt, within it's vise-like grip. A prisoner in this vicious thing, my poor defenseless tit! "Take a deep breath" she said to me, who does she think she's kidding?!? My chest is mashed in her machine, and woozy I am getting. There, that's good," I heard her say, (the room was slowly swaying.) Now, let's have a go at the other one." have mercy, I was praying. It squeezed me from both up and down, it squeezed me from both sides. I'll bet SHE'S never had this done, to HER tender little hide. Next time that they make me do this, I will request a blindfold. I have no wish to see again, my knockers getting steam rolled. If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, it would have gone "ker-pow!" This machine was created by a man, of this, I have no doubt. I'd like to stick his balls in there, and see how THEY come out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Just wanted to say that I am crying with laughter at all these stories. Thank you !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 If you like that one I think you will appreciate the one I received this week: Fantastic - and oh so painfully accurate - have downloaded - out with girlfriends this evening - they will really enjoy this!!! sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inge Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Oh maz.. my husband now well and truly believes I have lost it..... laughing til i cry at a computer... oooo so scarily accurate Inge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 fantastic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 For you Rea.... Thanks Beau. Really had me laughing Maz, dont worry about the words on my behalf, the laugh was so worth any offence Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Running Bunny Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Oh they are all just so good...i've got tears steaming down my face and I'm nowherere near the age of having this done but dreading it already!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Oh they are all just so good...i've got tears steaming down my face and I'm nowherere near the age of having this done but dreading it already!!! Yeah, nothing like a supportive network of women to take away lifes mysteries is there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Can I just inject a bit of seriousness here though? Jade Goody's much publicised terminal diagnosis has apparently seen the uptake of invitations to attend for routine smear tests soar, and we are all aware of how important it is to examine our breasts (and if we weren't before, the lovely narnia is apt to remind us!). I saw this ad on facebook and wondered what you all think of it? The breast light claims to enable you to see inside the breast so that you can spot any changes visually as well as by touch. Has anyone seen it/got it or got a view on it? There's a video of it being discussed on This Morning with a great punchline delivered by Fern as only she could... Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Surely if it was possible, GPs would be using it too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplewednesday1 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I told my mum about the glitter 'incident' at the smear test. Mum told me a similar story about someone who had inadvertently got a Green Shield stamp (olden days) stuck on her bits - apparently she was wearing new knickers and the stamps had been in the bag. The doctor apparently said "goodness, they give stamps away with all sorts of things nowadays don't they?!" made me chuckle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 The doctor apparently said "goodness, they give stamps away with all sorts of things nowadays don't they?!" Oh now I remember the Green Shield Stamp one, PW - priceless! Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueFinanceManager Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 You can never have enough bling.....sparkles are so pretty When I went for my first ever smear the nurse was a bit rough somehow and so when I went the next time I asked my doctor who was a lovely man to do it. No problem he said and popped out to get a sterilized speculum.....only problem was it was fresh out the steriliser and really really hot.....as he was trying to insert it I was edging further and further up the bed!!!!! I now have sympathy with cows when they are being branded It's great being a girl sometimes eh! Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 All plastic nowadays. Reminds me of Victoria Wood's line that something or other was available in 'all colours of the speculum' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Sally Hill's Journal I caught up with this thread this afternoon. Then read this article in our local free paper. Coincidence! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Yeah, spooky! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Sally Hill's Journal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verona Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 can't see Sally Hill's journal - keeps coming up error occurred Sue J Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Sorry the link didn't work! Here it is. http://www.thisisdorset.co.uk/blackmoreval...il/article.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inge Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 (edited) topical subject at moment? Edited February 28, 2009 by Inge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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