Your thoughts

[zigzag]

Your thoughts on the following would be very much appreciated. We have a 41 month old boy who started with us in September.  He has settled well and has always been happy to come to school.  He is friendly but prefers to play on his own or on the periphery of the other children’s play.  He doesn’t play with one thing for very long, he tends to empty toys out, transport them then take them to a shelf and arrange them more than play with them.  He is getting better at sitting at meal times and circle times.  But he will spend prolonged periods of time looking at books or listening to stories.  He is also repeatedly asks the same question relating to the routine. We may have just had snack but he asks when are we having snack (pictorial routine of now and next will be going up this week). He also asks the same questions over and over.  He is articulate and I have no communication concerns at all.  When he comes into the room he will always have to come and find me to say hello before he can do anything else.  He also spends a lot of time walking on tip toe (am I right in thinking this is a sensory thing?).  Mum reports the same behaviour at home but also with temper tantrums, which we do not see.  I am at a bit of a loss to know if I am being overly concerned or not.  Any thoughts?

[smudge65]

Sounds very similar to a little boy we have, and personally I think you should follow your gut instinct.  We have been checking the understanding matches the articulation and yes it does when it is something he has been taught but not when he has to think or guess for himself. Our lad is now being assessed with  a view to being referred.

 

[zigzag]

Thank you for your reply smudge65. That is an interesting point about the understanding, I tend to think a lot of what he comes out with is repeating what he has learnt by rote.  I will do some more obs on him.  Good luck with your little boy.

[sunnyday]

Hi zigzag - he sounds 'interesting' - what was his experience before he joined you in September, had he attended another setting?

[zigzag]

Apart from a Mum and toddler group we are his first experience of pre-school/nursery life.  I am really confused by him, he is not showing any developmental delays but there is something that is not feeling quite right to me.

[Panders]

very frustrating for you zigzag.  When the children give us cause for concern, I generally felt we were in the right I believe we instinctively know when things don't add up.  It may be that after a few more months with you he will settle more into the groove, however, you really need to begin the process as we all know how long it takes.   Definitely make more observations, what are his interactions like with other children, I know you have said he has a preference for lone play and plays on the edge of others, but could you do a joint play situation with one other child for a few minutes each day?    Has mum made any friends or have any friends within your parent group?  Could he have a play date - in his home to begin with, then at the other child's the next time.  How does he behave if you have a whole group game, like a party game, or music on?

[finleysmaid]

He sounds very routine based. How good are his fine and gross motor skills/ toilet training and sensory play???

[zigzag]

44 minutes ago, finleysmaid said:

He sounds very routine based. How good are his fine and gross motor skills/ toilet training and sensory play???

We have toilet trained him, when reminded he will say, “I don’t need a wee” but when we press the issue, he will go, but he is also able to toilet himself independently when he wants to. Mum was having terrible trouble with him at home for a while, weeing in very peculiar places and on things (he never did this with us) He can be quite violent to his little sister, but again I have never seen this at school at all, in fact he seems to be overly sensitive to people who may (or may not) have touched, pushed, hit him.  He will play in messy activities such as gloop, sand, water, paint and also the dry activities such as pasta, rice etc. Fine and gross motor skills are good.  He gets fixated on things relating to routine, always thinking about the next thing, going outside, lunchtime, going home etc.  As I said before he can have snack and then ten minutes later ask when we are having snack!  I sometimes spend a morning doing admin on the computer and he constantly comes to me and says “you are on the computer today, why are you on the computer today”. I explain what I am doing then he repeats the same question over and over then eventually repeats back what I have told him.  Then when I am not on the computer he seems to get concerned “why are you not on the computer today”. It can be exhausting!  Mum has lots of friends and is very social and I know that he does have play dates with one of the other children from our group.  I will find out how these go.

[finleysmaid]

It may be that he is just not settled yet (hence the asking all the time) you could try asking him to repeat back the answer you have given when he asks for the second time. Does he use a member of staff for a secure base? (attachment issues?). 

 I guess if you are thinking ASD issues (which I could understand from your description) then he may be functioning at such a high rate that getting help may be an issue. It might be that just concentrating on what you can do to help him at the moment is the best course of action...unless Mum feels he needs to be seen by a specialist

[zigzag]

Thanks Finleysmaid, yes he uses me as his secure base.  Yes, I don’t think he would be considered if I referred him.  I will do a lot more work with him on routines and understanding and then asses again.  Thank you, it really helps to talk about concerns and bounce ideas around. 🙂

[Stargrower]

The questioning and routine obsession do sound like he is not yet settled.  We have had children who have done this but have not caused us other concerns.  It is as if they have a constant need to reassure themselves that the day/session will pass.

 

[sunnyday]

Hi zigzag - as Panders said - I do think we have instinct when something is not 'quite right'

He does sound like he is looking for constant reassurance which would indicate to me that he hasn't 'settled' yet - however, I would not keep answering the same thing over and over - I would say, very nicely, "I have just told you sweetie, do you remember what I said"? If he is asking about snack, after snack my reaction would be something like "we just had snack, do you remember what you had to eat"? - This would hopefully help him to do some thinking on his own!

Other than that I would be making lots of obs (which I'm sure you do) recording the obs and they might help build up a 'picture' for later

I have a little girl of the same age, she is super, super bright and always keen to attend, but she just hasn't worked out what being part of a group means at all - prior to starting with us in September she had been just with mummy or Grandma - she still only attends for two sessions so I can see I will just have her 'sorted and settled' in time for her to move on to school! 

[Panders]

Yes Sunnyday, we had a girlie very similar last year.   She had a really tough time settling into Reception in September apparently.   The being part of a group really resounds for me.

 

The snack thing made me think - we had one that called our lunch time "snack" too.  Took us a while to catch on - maybe mummy calls lunch snacktime at home??