shelfpreschool Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Hi not sure if this is in the correct place but would love some advice. We have a child who is 4 who has been attending since January and has not stopped crying since! I have created routine cards with her to show the time and can now tell me what is our routine is. Reassured her that mummy is coming back and she knows that mummy is coming back. We have tried with mums support to provide rewards for when she does not cry and this has failed. We have tried ignoring the behaviour and she carries on regardless. We have tried being firm and say stop crying but to no avail. Recently mum told us that she is having twins and the crying has got worse. Talking with mum she says nothing else has changed at home and this child will even cry at the door when mum is in the shower? Is there something more serious going on at home?? Should we be contacting an outside agency? Is there any more behaviour techniques we can try? I have just run out of ideas.... help please! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Could the mother stay with the child for a few sessions? Alternatively, you could get the mother to bring the child in at the end of the session so she's only left for a very short time. If you can settle her for a couple of minutes, then extend that time by having her arrive slightly earlier. I don't think there's any reason to think there is something untoward happening at home but maybe you could ask the mother for a meeting, perhaps with the health visitor to see if there are any concerns about the child's development in general. For example, some children with Autism can have severe separation anxiety simply because they find the world quite a stressful place and their mum helps them to feel safer. I'm not saying that this child has Autism, just that there could be a developmental reason behind this behaviour. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelfpreschool Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 Thank you, we did the settling in sessions and mum stayed initially and there was slight improvement but it has now been 6 months and since the news of the twins it has got alot worse. When she is given one to one attention she does seem to improve but we are unable to give this attention all the time having other children to care for, another thought is this attention related as she currently is an only child? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stargrower Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 This isn't very constructive, but if she is four, is she only with you for another few weeks then going to school? If that is the case, are school involved and aware? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narnia Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Things that have worked for us include a photo of mum, a talking tin with a message from mum for when the tears start ( hi Maisy, mummy here, I can't wait to hear all about the things you've been doing. I'll be back at 12.........) or even mum leaving her house keys 9 I have several sets of house keys that I keep for such occasions ..........so the child knows that mummy HAS to come back....... Good luck 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finleysmaid Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 child may have a mild form of depression due to changes in her environment. How pregnant is Mum? and is she going to school? I had a little chap years ago who's MUm was expecting triplets he got more and more sad before the event...basically everyone was going on about how exciting it was/was he going to like it/ was he going to have his own room etce etc etc (you can imagine how unsettled he felt) he just used to burst in to tears and if you asked what for he was sad for he would answer I don't know I just am! about two weeks after the birth it stopped and he went back to his normal bouncy self! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Like Finleysmaid, when you have been in the business a long time, you remember some of the little ones who found it so hard to settle in. I had a little girl who is probably 10 now who had to start pre-school being brought in by either of her grandmas because mum had been taken into hospital for bed rest. So her little life was turned upside down to begin with. Frankly, she didn't settle too badly considering, but, never confidently. She had a hearing problem as she had been born premature herself. All the time she felt under the weather due to chest infections or ear infections of some kind, - low grade infections sometimes but made her under par and unsure of herself, we found that her key person couldn't even leave her side to go across the room without her crying, very extreme some days. Anyway..... We had a short break for Christmas, the family all went away, when they returned, the little girl was feeling better, mum said she had been playing really well with cousins over the holiday. We started her back just as if she was beginning for the very first time, she had shorter mornings etc. key person explained everytime what she was about to go off to do something and stayed in sight at all times of the little girl - she never looked back - she was a confident pre-schooler when she left that summer, quite a turnaround. The low grade infections appeared to clear up - which helped - she was obviously still deaf in one ear but that didn't bother her at all, and going back to basics of settling in helped too we think - as she had never really done that properly with mummy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 another thought is this attention related as she currently is an only child? It depends what you mean by attention related. She clearly feels more settled when she has more attention but I don't think any child could sustain that level of distress simply because she wanted some adult attention. I really like Panders' idea of starting the settling in process again. Maybe you could combine that with the idea of her arriving towards the end of the session for a while so they don't feel so long and tortuous to her. In addition to Narnia's ideas, you could try getting her mum to leave a top she's worn or slept with so it smells comforting for the child to have with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 On a re-read of your original post, maybe this isn't the case - as you say she cries when mum even goes into the shower, but one of ours used to cry when he started Reception class because he didn't like the school dinners - he didn't cry at home, or tell me and school in those days didn't reveal he had been crying about anything either so it was a little while before I found out. He just couldn't settle knowing that he had to have a school dinner. Does your little one become less anxious to do the necessary things such as going to the toilet, eating at snack time, drinking from her flask if she has one? Just a thought that she maybe anxious about something she cannot express. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louby loo Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 If the child only started in Jan, and is four, had she been somewhere else before? As she is four already, and I'm assuming starting school Sept. Are you full day-care or term-time only? Has school been mentioned to her, and is that adding to her stress levels? Sorry, lots of questions there! We have used a variety of methods many mentioned above - another is we gave one child an old mobile phone so she could 'phone mum' if she needed... obviously the phone didn't actually work- but the change in the child was amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Also had a thought about another little girl we had - she must be about 17 now! She kept saying that she wanted to look after mummy, mummy was ill etc. Turns out that mummy was pregnant - which we obviously didn't know about and had been saying to the little girl that she had to look after her as she felt ill - morning sickness obviously. The little girl just couldn't express all that though, she just felt she needed to be at home with mummy, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lashes2508 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 It sounds like she may be suffering with severe separation anxiety and may need professional help from other services http://www.youngminds.org.uk/for_parents/worried_about_your_child/anxiety/dealing_anxiety Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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