Staying calm...

[Froglet]

...and not crying! Anyone got any tips for managing it?! I had a couple of 'challenging' conversations last week and am anticipating another one tomorrow. Have been trying (and failing) not to think about it all weekend but now it's Sunday evening I'm beginning to feel quite sick at the prospect of school tomorrow.

[Guest Spiral]

Make an action plan in your head.

 

Take a breath before every sentence and make sure the sentence works.

 

Believe in yourself! If you managed the conversations you had last week then you can manage tomorrow's one. Some people would hide away and skirt around the real issues, but if you are able to manage difficult conversations with parents/staff and other professionals then you are the right person.

 

If you believe in yourself and your skills, then you should be able to relax a bit more. You've done it twice already, well done!!

 

I'm in the same boat tomorrow and I know where you are coming from.

Best of luck,

Spiral :-)

[sunnyday]

Conversations with????? Parents........HT..........who/whom?

[Froglet]

Parents - angry, accusing, tall and intimidating. I know my HT will be there if I ask him but I suspect he may need to be dealing with a related incident. Horrible situation at the moment.

[sunnyday]

Oh you poor thing that is horrible for you I will go and clean my kitchen and see if I can come up with any ideas..........don't hold your breath though :blink:

 

I am sending a huge virtual hug for now........

[Guest Spiral]

If you are that concerned, maybe re-arrange and ensure you do have someone else with you. That would provide you with time to prepare and reassurance that you have a witness.

 

I always ask parents to help me write a basic report on what was discussed and the action (if any) that we agree on.

 

If you are uncomfortable please don't go ahead alone - could they not come along at 10.30 when the HT can accompany you?

 

Even if it isn't possible, just try to ensure you remain calm and try to get a good night's sleep, don't worry excessively...have a bubble bath and relax.

 

Best of luck x

[Froglet]

Thank you for the support and advice. I think what is giving me the 'exam nerves' feeling is that I don't actually have a meeting planned, nothing at all may happen but the last 'conversation' was after school on Friday and I wasn't expecting it at all, neither the tone nor the content. I've never been great at handling the unknown!

 

Sunnyday - is it the cleaning I shouldn't hold my breath for or the ideas? I appreciate the hug!

 

All will be well, I know - plenty of people do have faith in me!

[Fredbear]

Okay I would certainly get them to come and sit down for a discussion, this might help you with feeling their so tall and intimidating.

I would also ensure someone is with you during this time. If this is not possible then I would ask to postpone the meeting until someone can be.

Sorry but nobody whatever profession should go home and worry about it all weekend, and then dread going in tomorrow that's just not right.( I know we all do it but it doesn't make it right).

I had a parent raising their voice to me this week, I'm sure they thought by doing this, that they would get their own way, but I won't be bullied by anyone. It just made them look rude really, firm and fair is the key, our Pre-schools for everyone not just them.

Sending you huge virtual hugs.

[Froglet]

Thank you!

[sunnyday]

Ideas - not the cleaning

 

Think Fredbear has it really - if this parent wants some sort of in depth discussion this should be arranged at a mutually convenient time and yes, you should have your HT with you......

 

Could you say something like "I would really like the opportunity to discuss this matter with you, when could we meet" - or somesuch........

[louby loo]

When I'm in this kind of situation I find writing a list of points/views helps me.

 

I list [well much as I can] both sides of the argument trying to see the others person POV too.

 

I list likely soloutions - again both sides.

 

Then it's a sit down meeting.

 

Hope all goes well.

 

xx

[Froglet]

Thank you - I think you're right, if anything starts I will ask if we can discuss it at another time and get my lovely, supportive HT there.

[sunnyday]

I think it's that approach of 'I am more than happy to talk about this, but not right now' - is a good idea - reasonable for both parties......

 

Good luck - let us know how it goes......

 

Oh and for now - warm bath and some chocolate!

[zigzag]

I think you have been given some great advice from all the above. I remember a few years ago a very demanding parent really got me down and I took it all to heart and quite personally. I have since learnt that sometimes whatever you do you just can't win them all. I have found that if I go ultra polite and professional (not that I am not usually) it helps me to be calmer and can take the wind out of their sails. Wishing you lots of luck.

[Inge]

like others have said try to make it a sit down conversation.. and have someone with you if at all possible . always good to hear a second take on what is being said after the event.

 

When parents became heated or threatening/ loud, I would remain calm, this always made them worse... as they felt I should also reply and behave in a way they expected... i would also lower my voice and make it quieter, so they has to calm down to hear me, and took my time.. if possible had a desk or something between us..

remembered it was their problem not mine.. ( unless it was accusing me of something and even then knowing I was not in the wrong helped , and if this was the case I would never go alone with the parent, always wanted a witness to those conversations ) And tried to work out a solution/ offer help if this is what is needed...

 

it is hard not to take it home and worry over things, because of not being able to control everything...

 

take stock, remain calm, and arrange a formal meeting at a mutually convenient time, when you can have support.

[Froglet]

Thank you all - you are just brilliant.

[narnia]

Definately go for the sitting down, everyone is at eye level then. And breath and stay calm and be prepared to call a halt to the meeting on YOUR terms if things get heated.Tell them that things can only be sorted in an atmosphere of mutual respect.

[Stargrower]

I can't add to the already good advice, just send my support. We worry all weekend about things because we care. Better that way than not giving a stuff! Just think, next weekend is extra long and it will all be behind you. Good luck.

[Guest]

Sending a supportive hug from me too!

 

It's not a great feeling to have but all previous advice is good.

 

I would definitely meet with a second person with you because if things get tricky you have a second pair of ears and a second memory to note everything down.

 

Good luck x

[Guest]

I had a really tricky situation last year and had several difficult conversations with parents that became heated (on their part not mine) and I know that I had a couple of sleepless nights wondering if I had said the right thing/ handled it correctly as whatever i said seemed to irritate the matter further! so I know what you are going through. i would take the bull by the horns and ask the parent as soon as you see them tomorrow to come for a chat, don't wait for them to bring it up. We had counselling training as a staff earlier this year and there were some tips which I now use. One of them was to let the parent do the talking and let them explain without interrupting them ( sometimes they need to vent in one go) then ask if they mind whether you jot down the points they are making so that you get it right. Read back what you have written to clarify as hearing back what they are complaining about means that they feel 'heard' and sometimes what they are complaining about seems petty when repeated back to them. Also asking them if they had a magic wand, what could be done to resolve the issue. I have even said 'if you were in my position what do you think I could do to resolve this?' . As someone has already said you can't win them all, in my case I did everything I could to build a relationship with this parent but she hated me ( don't normally have that effect first time In 20 years of teaching!) I put it down to a very precious only child after many rounds of IVF, mum had a real problem with me spending 6 hours a day with the little fellow when she couldn't. Hope it goes ok tomorrow, large glass of wine and get your head down for an early night!

Deb

[Froglet]

More great advice, thank you. Not sure I'm brave enough to request a meeting but can see that it could be a good plan. After Friday's 'conversation' I'm still not exactly sure whether what was being said was a complaint, a concern or just letting off steam. My HT was out that day so haven't yet talked it through with him although he did get to hear about it and called me Friday night to check I was in one piece - I was out at the time and have been away all weekend or we would have talked more I'm sure. He may well suggest a meeting himself. Thank you again for all your support.

[Guest mukerjee1]

Great advice from all. Nothing to add other than get a good nights sleep and look after yourself.

[Guest]

I cant offer any more advice than you have already had.

 

I wouldnt say anything to parent (unless of course they say anything to you) before speaking to HT. You really shouldnt put yourself in a position you are not comfortable with.

 

Good luck

[Beau]

I hope all was okay today!

[Fredbear]

Me too, been thinking about you this morning.

[Froglet]

All ok so far - thank you for the good thoughts. One slightly snotty message from half of the parents this morning and the other half hung around on playground for ages at end of day not looking happy but didn't say anything. I haven't been teaching today (EYFSP moderation!) but warned my supply and she and my student have made a note of anything relating to the child and informed me. HT and I are going to meet and talk through the things they have issues with so will hopefully feel prepared if anything else does come up.

[sunnyday]

Oh good news - well ish :1b

[Fredbear]

Ah let's hope it gets sorted out and your HT continues to support you.