tragic and so sad

[lashes2508]

last night I was told some very sad news about a friend daughter who died from suicide - a clever funny girl who baby sat my children when they were younger - my children and i cried together and lit a candle and after a sleepless night still cannot stop thinking about her and the family - I want to go round but something stops me - is it too soon , will i be of any help , would there be anything i could do to ease the pain which frankly, no there would not be. but i do want her to know we are all here to support in whatever way we can

as a mother it is so hard to comprehend losing a child and maybe even more so when your child has chosen to take their own life - may she be at rest and her pain has ceased but the pain will continue for those who loved her and felt they could not help her

 

sorry for posting but i needed to write down my thoughts and maybe someone has been in a similar situation and be able to offer some advice

[Upsy Daisy]

I am so sorry to hear such sad news.

 

I think it would probably help the family for you to share your memories of this girl with them in a card or letter. Take it round with a bunch of flowers and be prepared to be invited in or not depending on what the family needs at that time.

 

My older daughter's friend died on Christmas Eve just over a year ago and his family were very appreciative of the memories she and others shared about their time with him in First School, etc.

 

I lost a friend to suicide myself as a teenager and the feelings of guilt and powerlessness never really went away. It does feel very wrong and I still wonder now (against all logic) whether I could have done anything to help.

 

All I can say is try to stay in touch as weeks pass and acknowledge her existence and what has happened to her because I think a lot of people find this situation so hard that they can end up avoiding the family at the one time they really need their friends around them.

[lashes2508]

Thankyou upsydaisy - yes i am not one to avoid but at the same time don't want to intrude - thanks for advice and will do just that - thanks again x

[Rea]

My friends dad committed suicide when we were about 14, a friend found her son dead in his room after enjoying a family meal with friends, recently I met a woman who's friend jumped off the top of a multi storey car park. I think the message I got from these is that the people left behind have a great deal of guilt 'why didnt I notice something was wrong?'. More recently my best friend made two attempts the first of which was foiled when her daughter dropped in out of the blue.

The family will be full of questions which most likely will never be answered. Its a tragic waste of a life but the sucide honesty thinks they are doing the right thing. My friend didnt give any thought to her children and family, she said the depression that got hold of her was very selfish and didnt allow thoughts of other people to enter, she'd cut contact with me two years previously, she just drifted out of my life and being busy I didnt notice for a long time.

If I were you, I'd go round, I can imagine mom needing to ask the same questions of everyone repeatedly.

[lashes2508]

Thanks Rea - i lost a friend to suicide a few years ago and sadly we had limited contact and she just did it and yet know one knew she had had these thoughts - my own sister has tried several times to take her own life when she was in some of her very dark periods of manic depression - i have been reading through a website called Compassionate friends who offer support for parents whose children die of suicide and they explain the feelings many have family members have x

[Susan]

Sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself at this difficult time too. I think you shoould follow your gut feelings. The letter etc can wait, your memories will not go away but your friend might like some personal support, you will know if a visit is right or whether to disappear again quickly.

[Guest]

Thinking of you Lashes...

 

have no experience through suicide but know that friends who have lost loved ones took comfort in knowing they were so loved and well thought about

 

 

Would you feel comfortable dropping in a card expressing your sympathies with a footnote saying you will call in on (a certain day) but if she feels the need to see you sooner then you are only a call away (or a text - sometimes it's easier to write and be 'in control' and not fear getting caught up in talk that may be upsetting)

 

As Susan says, a gut instinct is a strong one - and yes, look after yourself x

[sunnyday]

Oh lashes - I am so sorry - some good advice from others - nothing to add - I'm sending you a huge virtual hug xxx

[zigzag]

I am sorry I do not have any experience of dealing with suicide, but I do know that when my sister died we were so comforted by people coming to see us and talking about her. I think the worst thing anyone can do is ignore the situation as this is even more hurtful. But like someone has all ready said be prepared to be invited in or not, but at least you have gone. My thoughts are with you.

[Guest]

So sorry lashes, thinking of you and just be there and let them know that you are. x

[Panders]

Oh Lashes, I do hope you pop round as suggested, I'm sure if they want to keep themselves private for the time being, they will contact you at some point and want to talk and appreciate that you cared enough to visit at such an awful time in their lives.

[lashes2508]

thank you all for your kind words , advice - usually i face bereavement head on and i have just come back from visiting for a couple of hours for cuddles, crying , laughing and talking - she has just phoned me too for help with venues and thanked me for facing the fire and going round and also for telling her about a website where parents talk of their children 'dying of suicide ' not 'committing' as so many of us say - she said that helped her. My only wish now is that we as a society and those in the medical profession recognise mental /emotional disorders more seriously and support those suffering and their families. xx

[Upsy Daisy]

Lashes, you are a very good friend!

 

That cannot have been an easy visit to make but you clearly made the right call. It's nice to hear that she's able to turn to you for help making arrangements too.

[lashes2508]

today was the day we said farewell to a beautiful talented clever girl of 29 years , she was placed in an eco friendly casket with flowers imprinted on it and taken in a glass carriage with 2 magnificent white horses leading the way.

The church was filled( 200) with family, friends and villagers and beautiful music and poems were read - tears were cried but there was laughter too and 29 lanterns sent off into a beautiful sky .

[Rea]

Laughter is supposed to be the 'best medicine', hopefully it will be a useful tool to help her friends and family focus on the good and not the tragedy.

What a lovely send off you all gave her. :1b

[Susan]

Take care Lashes, today is just the beginning of another journey.

[Fredbear]

I have only just seen your original post and the one today. So sad, sending you virtual hugs Fx.

[sunnyday]

.......and some more hugs from xxx