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Difficult Child?......plz Help!


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I am quite new to Childminding, started in January, but have worked in Early Years for 5 years. I look after a child (18 months) 3 days a week, 10 hours a day- they were my first clients, so have been with me since Jan. (I also have my own child 16 months, other mindees 20 months, and 3 years)

I have been growing concerned, as the child in question is making no attempt to walk or stand, basically refusing to do so- either making their legs go loose, or digging their heels in and pulling against me if i try to get them to walk. But mum&dad come telling me how much walking is happening at home, so I began to encourage it at mine, using walkers and encouraging them to walk into different rooms, and to different activities, which is where the struggle is coming from- the strength is there- they will stand holding the walker all day if I let them, but they will not move!

I thought perhaps parents were exaggerating, and have tried to encourage the child to walk at their own pace and not turning it into a battle. However, with Bank Holiday celebrations, we ended up bumping into the family, and i saw this child not just walking, but running around as confident as any other toddler!

i can't quite believe what i saw, but can't understand why they are not like that when in my care, and what could i do to encourage this?

I'm now worrying that perhaps its me, but I'm not sure where to go from here... any advice would be great, Thanks.

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Welcome to the Forum Paula - what a little puzzler he is! I'm afraid I can offer no words of wisdom, except some comfort for you that now you truly know that he can - maybe you can "ignore" what happens at your house and one day he will just get up and walk. Perhaps it is just his little protest at being left by mum!

 

Do hope you can get some pratical advice from others who will undoubtedly come along after me.

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Welcome indeed fellow Registered Childminder.

 

Don't really have any words of wisdom but wonder if you could clarify what you mean by 'walker'? Do you mean a push-along trolley, or a sit in 'baby-walker'? What happens if it's not available? Could the walker be a security item - something they don't want to lose if they let it go? If they don't have siblings then sharing or turn taking might not be an issue at home where it will be at yours. Hope it's sorted soon,

 

Honey

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I think you should just stop attempting to get this child to walk and treat him/her as if he/she hasn't learned yet. My guess is that the fact that you are encouraging him/her is the reason he/she is not doing it.

 

Whether it is this or something else, whatever the reason the child doesn't want to walk he/she is making a choice which should be respected.

 

You will never win this if it becomes a battle of wills so just don't allow it to become an issue. If you take the pressure away you should find he/she forgets not to do it and the problem will be solved.

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My suggestion might sound a bit harsh, but I agree with the comments above about assuming that he can't walk while in your care. I think I might take all the children to a play park, with him in a buggy and after he's watched other children having fun, ask if he wants to get out and play.

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Thanks for your comments, I have both types of walkers- the ones you sit it, they just curl their legs up & the other type they just hold onto. If i don't offer any, they will just sit and play with nothing- which I think they would quite happily do if I let them!

Cait, I have tried the park trick and they will quite happily sit in the buggy all day and watch! I really don't want it to become a battle of the wills, but at the same time I feel the child is missing out on so much and don't want them to fall behind developmentally, and just miss out on the general days play and activities.

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I really don't want it to become a battle of the wills, but at the same time I feel the child is missing out on so much and don't want them to fall behind developmentally, and just miss out on the general days play and activities.

 

I think this could be like trying to persuade a child to eat. The more you try, they less the child will do. That means the more you push the more the child misses out on. If the child is walking and running at home he/she will not miss out developmentally. He/she will just miss out on the lovely activities available while he's in your care.

 

I would just keep offering the child activities appropriate for one who is not yet walking and never, ever try to encourage him/her to walk.

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Welcome to the Forum!

 

Have you spoken to his parents about the difference in his behaviour at your home and in theirs? Does he do something similar when he goes to grandma's house for instance? Would it be possible for him to spend some time with his mum at your house so that you can see if he walks normally as she would expect him to if he was at home?

 

This situation sounds a lot like those children who absolutely will not talk outside of their own home, and I imagine it might be equally as complex to resolve. I wonder if he might be coping with separation anxiety by exerting a measure of control over the time he spends with you?

 

I think I would want to devise a strategy with his parents as to how I would deal with this on a day to day basis, and to agree when/whether to seek the support of outside agencies if the situation does not resolve itself after a period of implementing the agreed strategy. I agree with Upsy about not turning it into a battle of wills, but personally I'd feel the need to understand why this little chap is behaving in this way.

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  • 2 weeks later...

How about inviting mum or dad to join you for a morning?

 

They could then have a chance to observe the behaviour plus may spark the child into behaving like they do at home

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Has he at some point fallen at your house? (I don't mean you neglecting him!! :D ::1a :D ::1a :D)

I mean when first walking, taken a small tumble- and is now nervous at yours?

Maybe something startled him? and he associates your house with this? (although you have said it happens at park- so I suppose not)

 

..........sorry clutching at straws here :1b

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Thank you all for your comments..... said child came last week and has slowly begun walking!!! The first day they were back I waited for the child to start walking, like I had seen, but nothing. They just sat & watched and I didn't want to push it. Dad came to collect and just stood them up & toddled out of my house! -_- So the next day they arrived a usual & had breakfast. After, i took them out the high chair and just stood them up, telling them to go and play (as I do with all the children) and they just went! Still a bit tentative and unsure, but we're definitely getting there! I think parents were exaggerating in that they haven't been walking for as long as they say, but i feel much better and more confident in myself, and can now see we are making progress!! Thank you again for all your comments :1b

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