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Toileting Problems


Deb
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I was wondering if any of you had any suggestions to help us with a long term problem we have with a little boy refusing to use the toilet, even it means going all day without a wee.

 

He is now 4 years old. He never used to like having his nappy changed. Now he won't use the toilet. He will now use the toilet if Mum takes him but that took a while. At home he will now use the toilet but it was an issue there too.

 

We have tried decorating the toilet with things he likes, twice. Tried using a potty. Tried using the potty outside as he would go out in the garden with Mum which we didn't want to encourage. My gut feeling is not to make an issue of it which we are trying not to of course.

 

One suggestion I've seen on another thread is for the adult to stand guard as it were so nobody else could go in and invade his privacy which we could try.

 

A member of staff asked him if it was the black toilet seat he didn't like this week, which he agreed to, but of course this could have been the child saying what he thought the adult wanted him to say. Would you change the toilet seat colour?

 

Any other suggestions welcome, feeling at a bit of a loss now as to what to do.

 

Thanks

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it has to be to his advantage to go to the loo...what can you use to encourage the use. I would break it down so level1 trousers and pants down...level2 sitting....level 3 have a wee etc. lots of bribery...ohps sorry meant encouragement of course :o ....of course you've probably done all this already!

Edited by finleysmaid
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My son was just like this and I'm afraid I think it was because he is a bit of a control freak!

I finally cracked it at home when he was 4 and a half by saying I was thinking of taking him to the doctors the next day because I thought there might be something wrong with him if he still couldn't wee in the loo.

 

I know I know.....harsh...but later that day...one wee in the loo and he never weed in the potty or pants again..

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Have to agree with Edlee here, if he can go with mum there, looks like it could be a control issue.

Has mum tried the will have to see the doctor with him, not generally an advocate of fear technique, but may need something to break the pattern,routine,cycle, etc, poor little love he must be busting when he gets home. :o

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One suggestion I've seen on another thread is for the adult to stand guard as it were so nobody else could go in and invade his privacy which we could try.

 

 

 

Thanks

 

Have used this strategy and it worked really well.

 

After a few weeks of using the loo 'privately' he soon became able to 'go' if there were other children present.....

 

Good luck! :o

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  • 2 weeks later...

I would have to agree with the feeling safe part to this - my daughter is fully toilet trained and never has accidents at home (of course she has 1:1 care at home so it is different) but she will not go for a number two at nursery - she says its because the loo's not being flushed by others but i actually think its because she likes to take her time and enjoys her privacy- if she is in there for 20 minutes (not joking)at nursery it is going to be an issue. i can see people knocking on the door and telling her to hurry up!

Have you enough loo's to designate one to him - just say that it is his for while he is learning. Children can be very accepting of children needs as long as they are explained to them. Also to make a routine of it - go to the loo and then wash hands for snack etc. Mirror on the back of the door - wont feel alone but just himself for company?

good luck

x

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Interesting thread, we have a similar situation, however, the child soils themselves, then doesn't want to be changed as they said it's theirs - has told me clearly that they could like to take the contents of their undies home as it is not mine.

 

Feeling safe and secure is certainly a huge part of it. I am working with mum to come up with strategies..have even considered using toilet seat covers so they feel it is clean and a mirror so they can see anyone coming (as well as us standing guard).

 

All sugesstions welcome.

Spiral.

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We had a similar scenario a couple of years back. Have you got a staff toilet? We let the child use 'the teachers' toilet' and she was happy to do that - we let her continue for a while and then ooh - disaster - I needed to go at the same time so she had to use the small one 'ooh pleeeese!' No bother after that because she'd got used to going at Preschool

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Thanks everybody for your replies.

 

Funny you should mention that this could be the child's way of being in control, this could well be the case. We have decided to back right off and casually ask all children to go to the toilet after snack before going outside etc.

 

We had also considered offering the child the adult toilet which right next door - this might be the next option just to break this cycle. I fear we have allowed this situation to go on too long and now it is a huge issue. We have dealt successfully with other children however who have had a bit of thing about using the toillet but nipped it in the bud.

 

I can understand a child not wanting to go to the toilet if it hasn't been flushed too!

 

Spiral yours is a difficult situation too, can you acknowledge that it is theirs and put it in a carrier bag to take home, perhaps the child would feel more comfortable if Mum or Dad dealt with it? Just a thought! Have you looked on the ERIC website? I downloaded a leaflet on childhood soiling for another parent recently. There's loads of information on there for soiling and continence problems for children.

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ok I might be way off the mark here but just going off my experience in my SEN class, there are 2 main issues with toileting. One is that we have a couple of kids who are terrified of the hand dryer. I know this probably sounds ridiculous but they are truly petrified. One child to the extent that he absolutely refused to go i the bathroom. We've now had the hand dryer removed and we're gradually getting that child into the bathroom. The other issue, we've never actually figured out what caused it but we have one little boy who is terrified of poohing on the toilet. I've had him in in my class since last year and we have managed to improve (but not completely solve) the problem by putting up pictures in the toilet of his favourite characters and promising him his favourite book when he's finished.

Don't know if these scenarios sound anything like yours but it's worth a try!!!! Hope you figure out an answer xxx

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Off the mark it what we need, we seem to have tried everything else, so thank you for your suggestions. We have tried putting up favourite characters too, the child was quite happy to put them up too.

 

Funny you should mention the hand dryer, this is definitely something to watch, as another parent told me recently that she discovered her daughter didn't like the hand dryer either. Think this is something we could bring up at circle time just before they wash their hands - that there is an alternative in the paper towels.

 

Thanks again for all your suggestions, its reassuring to know toileting issues are quite a common problem, I had also heard of children being afraid to do a pooh on the toilet.

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