Guest Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Hi, This post continues from the previous one with the same title, but felt it was time to restart it rather than keep adding to the original post. We took the girls to visit their Dad on Sunday as he is now ok to be visited (leg is improving since the artery ruptured last weekend). The older one found it quite hard to start with and was obviously very nervous about seeing her dad in hospital but I held her hand tightly and we walked into the ward together and my younger daughter held her stepfathers hand so they both felt supported. Their father was sitting in the corridor and was obviously thrilled to see the girls but also looked very tired. He walked with a frame back to his bed and then we spent about 30 - 45 minutes with him. The girls had written him a letter just talking about what they were doing at school, Guides etc which they left with him as a reminder of them. They also wanted to give him a palm cross which they had collected especially for him in Church on Sunday morning and he seemed quite pleased to get that. There were a few tears whilst we were there but more on the journey home, especially from my younger daughter who wants to go and visit every day (she's 9) and says "visiting Daddy is much more important than school". I have explained that we can't visit too often as he is still quite ill and is having dialysis 3 times a week so needs to be looked after by the nurses. Also said that at the moment the hospital is the best place for him to be so they can keep a close eye on him and he is now eating again which he wasn't able to do when at home. Not sure what will happen next in his treatment but the leg will not be able to be used for dialysis so they may have to operate on his arm instead and see if they can unblock an artery to then be able to use that. I have started encouraging both the girls to write in their special books about how they feel and younger one is writing down sad things and happy things each day but there have to be at least as many happy as sad if not more. Hopefully that will help them both and also encourage younger one not to constantly come down from bed each night in tears. I saw my life coach on Monday and had another good talk and also planned for an absence meeting which I have at school tomorrow. Feeling slightly nervous about it but the life coach is coming to support me and we have spent time thinking about things that could help me to return to school after Easter. Will let you know how the meeting goes but would really appreciate positive thought s for tomorrow(wed) morning. Thank you so much for all your continued support and encouragement on here. it has been and continues to be invaluable (to me) to share my thoughts with you and to write to people who just know what life is like as a teacher, parent etc. Nicky Sussex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Well done Nicky. It must have been very hard seeing your girls so upset but I'm sure it did them and their dad lots of good to see each other. I know it's hard to have your younger daughter come down in tears every night but, take it from one who knows, it's much harder when you find out that they've been going through an awful time and keeping it to themselves. Keep giving her those hugs and be glad that she's coming to you for comfort. Good luck with your meeting tomorrow. Decide beforehand what you feel able to agree to and be sure not to be pushed into accepting anything more. It's good to hear that you feel able to handle going to this meeting. That's a big improvement on a few weeks ago. Let us know how you get on. Sending you lots of positive thoughts xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 hello Nicky I have been thinking about you and your family and hoping that your situation was improving. Will think about you tomorrow and I am sure you will be fine. You sound such a lovely mum and it sounds like you are really supporting your girls so well. Keep strong,best wishes unsworth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 just wanted to say good luck for your meeting tomorrow and I am glad to hear that your girls Dad is getting a little better - take care and look after yourself. Love ems x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Thinking of you x x x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Think about what would work best for you and make things easier for you when you return - almost anything may be possible. When I returned after a very long absence (roughly 5 months) it was agreed at my back to work meeting that I would do a phased return to work - building up from 2 to 5 days over a period of weeks, and not being expected to attend INSETs for the rest of term or run a club. I also had a nominated person at work whom I held weekly meetings with to see how I was handling everything and to help me plan out which tasks I needed to do and when. It all really helped me - but I had no idea that such a thing would be possible! I was lucky that they came to me with the ideas - handy to share with others though especially as the phased return was funded by the LEA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Lots of positive thoughts winging their way to you....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Hope it all goes well tomorrow Nicky, glad the girls are able to talk to you about their feelings too, as Upsy Daisy says, its so much better than not knowing what goin gthrough their minds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Keep hanging in there Nicky, hope meeting goes positively, make sure you aren't rushed into returning after Easter, I don't think I would offer to do it anyway, you must see how you feel from week to week. Positive vibes coming your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Take care Nicky. Remember you can consult your union if you feel you are being pressurised to do something you are not ready for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Sending my love and my thoughts....we are all here for you....keep using us as some sort of support for these difficult times.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 hugs and kisse Nicky - thinking of you and your family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dublinbay Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Good luck for today Nicky. Lots of love, ((((((((hugs))))))) and positive thoughts going your way. Bless you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Nicky, I'll be thinking of you today and sending positive vibes your way!! Glad Dad and Daughters have seen each other and hope the situation continues to improve. Will check in later for a post-meeting update! Love Nona XX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hope your meeting goes well today Nikki and that you aren't pressured into taking on too much. I'm glad to hear your girls got to visit their dad a well, hopefully they'll be able to see him a bit more regularly now that he has improved and I'm sure that this will help to calm some of their fears. Hopefully he'll keep on improving and things will take a turn for the better, you and your girls deserve it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hi, Just to say the meeting was ok but very tired and headachey tonight so will write more tomorrow. Thanks for your continuing support and encouragement. Nicky Sussex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I know it's hard to have your younger daughter come down in tears every night but, take it from one who knows, it's much harder when you find out that they've been going through an awful time and keeping it to themselves. As a world class "keeper-of-things-to-herselfer" I heartily agree! I missed this yesterday since I was out - great advice here already and I just wanted to add my best wishes and positive thoughts. Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Hi, Sorry haven't been able to update sooner but being married to a Vicar means it's been a very busy and important week. The meeting at school went ok, I took my life coach with me and it was useful for her to able to summarise what the Head teacher was saying and also to talk about some of the strategies we have been working on. The head asked about why I thought I was off and what did I think was my main causes of stress so I talked about some of the issues re not having a TA all the time as she is responsible for first aid etc and was told that this has been changed since I was away and that now all the first aid is managed differently and my TA is in class all the time. Also talked about stress at home with my daughters and my ex-husband being so ill and they (head and deputy) were quite supportive about that but was also able to tell them abotu how working with the life coach has changed the ways in which i can support the girls in a more positive way. The head said that it was usual to refer people to occupational health if they are off for a period of time and was it ok to do this. My response is "if you would normally do it then please don't treat me any differently to other staff". However that is where the current problem starts I was assured that the referral would be done on Wednesday or Thursday before the hols started and the forms would either be emailed or sent via my daughter to me. I rang school Thursday morning and was assured this would still happen as I needed to sign the forms before they could be sent. BUT I haven't recieved a thing so have sent the Head teacher an email stating what was promised and what has not happened and asked her to contact me asap. I know it's the holidays but she stressed that the forms needed to be done before the hols as my gp wanted me to return to school after the hols and this couldn't happen until I had spoken to Occ Health. I sent the first email on Thursday and I know the Head was still in school as my daughter saw her during her Brownie meeting. I have now resent the email to both her email addresses and will now leave it for her to respond. At the moment that means I get at least an extra 3 days holiday which will be useful and give me time to get organised if I am goign back. I talked about a mentor to support me and they felt that might be useful and also that the Head teacher had been on some inspection training and now understood what a REception class should be like and could support me with that. Having never been on any training myself, despite asking for it, that might be useful and at least we have a more common starting point rather than her previous ideas about every child working at tables and on focussed activities most of the time. I was starting to get worried about not hearing anything and wondering if it was part of a plan to delay my return to school but actually feel calmer about it now and realise that it is part of the bigger problem which is the Head never following up on things when asked for them so that is her issue not mine and she has shown how this applies by not providing these forms. The girls are ok and younger one has written a letter to her Dad in hospital today saying "I miss you lots but don't cry because I did and that hasn't helped you get better" which was brilliant because maybe our constant talking about her tears are finally having an impact. That doesn't mean I am encouraging her not to cry, because I feel it is important for her to share her feelings with us but to think about the reasons for the continual tears about the same thing. My ex-husband has had a slightly better week and his leg is finally healing but the hospital think it could still take a long time to heal completely. Thanks again for your thoughts and support Nicky Sussex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Hi Nicky, I feel you are a little more positive about things, which is great!! Keep records of your e-mails to your Head (you may want to add a delivery report and read receipt to them) as proof that you're following up your meeting and the points agreed on. If you copy your Life Coach in, too, she'll be able to confirm that you and she are in agreement over the Head's planned course of action. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, just want you to cover your back!! I had to smile when I read that things in your class have changed in your absence and your TA is now there full-time - I may be a nasty suspicious person but I think perhaps your cover teacher had the same issues that you did!! Let's hope the training the Head has received has a positive impact for both of you. Progress is slowly being made isn't it? You "sound" better, school are realising they need to help, your daughter is able to express her thoughts and emotions without tears and your ex-husband is healing physically - quite a lot to be thankful for and an extra reason to celebrate at Easter! Take care, keep posting, Sending love and prayers, Nona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Nicky it does sound to me as if you're beginning to see the wood for the trees and your post sounds much more positive and philosophical about things than previously. Your life coach sounds as if she's having an excellent effect on you and therefore on how you're supporting your girls and your ex-husband. Also your absence from school seems to have shaken their thinking up a bit too, so hopefully they've been able to reflect on how they can make things better not just for you but for the whole staff team. I'm glad to hear that your ex-husband is beginning to make progress, even if it is slow. Take care of yourselves and I hope the rest of the Easter break is restful and restorative. Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Hi Nicky, I'm really pleased things seem to be falling into place a bit for you at last. You've had a rough time but hopefully that light at the end of the tunnel is looking brighter now. I hope things continue to improve for you and your family. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 its good to hear you sounding a bit more positive about things Nicky I am glad things went ok at the meeting for you. I hope things continue in this positive way. Thinking of you x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Hi Nicky just wanted to say hope things continue to progress positively as they seem to have done, glad to hear you are starting to feel calmer about things, thinking of you and your family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmileyPR Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Hi Nicky, It is the 1st time I read about your situation and I am glad to perceive you better in these days. I don't know the background, but will try to catch up. Anyway, count with my prayers and my His resurrection be your strength, hope and joy for a better forthcoming season. Hugs for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Hi Nicky - so pleased to hear that things are improving for you and your family..... Thinking of you x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Isn't it amazing how our schools suddenly take notice of how much we deal with when we're not there just to deal with them! I am glad things went well with your meeting and don't worry about the referral to occupational health - they are always there on your side and can strongly recommend that your school does certain things to make your return easier/possible - and being healthcare professionals its rare for a school to turn down their recommendations. If your head's delay means you get more time to prepare yourself then so be it! It's her loss and not yours! (and not your fault if you don't start back straight away). Hope things continue to go well for you....*fingers crossed* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 Hi, Decided this morning that I needed to visit school during the holidays and to have walked into my classroom as haven't been in there since half term when I felt and was so ill. So knowing that a colleague who has also been off was going in I arranged to meet her at school. It felt quite strange walking in and being in the building but at the same time I was able to control any fears I had. I visited my classroom which has been re-organized and moved around but that's fine as I can always move things when I return. Spent a short time in my room and then the supply teacher who has been teaching my class arrived which was slightly awkward so I went to see a colleague but decided that I needed to speak briefly with the supply teacher before I left and so went back and explained why I was there and that I hadn't spoken to head etc about popping in as it was something I needed to do for me. Supply teacher was lovely and said she could understand my visit so that's fine. I just needed to know in my mind that I could walk into the room without feeling panicky or anxious and I can. My girls are using some of the life coach strategies to support them with their fears etc and more happy thoughts than sad thoughts in younger daughters feelings book so that's a step forward. And we decided on SAturday to book a few days away this week so on Thursday the dog is going to visit the kennels as a trial run before our holiday in the summer and we have booked into a nice hotel with an adjoining room for the girls and are going to explore Kent and the Kent coast. It just feels like a good time to have a short break as a family and create some happy thoughts before school restarts next week for the girls. I have had the referal forms for Oc Health from my head teacher so have completed them and emailed them back and they are meant to contact me by phone to discuss my referal so will see how that goes. Nicky Sussex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 That's all sounds good Nicky....... Enjoy your holiday in sunny Kent! (hope it is sunny for you!) Sunnyish today - but flippin' chilly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 Nicky what a lovely post to read from you - I'm so glad you can walk into school without the panicky feelings returning, such a good sign for you. Hope you enjoy all that Kent has to offer this week!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 Oh Nicky, what a lovely positive post! Have a great break! Nona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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