Support around death of a parent

[SazzJ]

I have posted in here as it's personal and don't want it open to everyone.

 

Can anyone suggest any books/texts/support groups or have any ideas of what to do to support a 6 year old who very suddenly lost her mam yesterday?

 

Mam has taken her own life though we don't know if it was intentional or not at this moment in time.

 

Her dad and mam are separated but Mam has caused a lot of arguments over last few months and repeatedly told dad he can't have access then a few days later changed her mind.

 

Now I know a memory book would be a nice idea but I don't think this can be done immediately due to feelings running high and very mixed feelings at that. Child's dad has taken it very badly though as although they have split and have been for 2 years nearly he was with her 9 years and I think he is grieving for the fact that his daughter will never grow up with her mam.

 

The child is in denial/reality hasn't yet sunk in yet as she is currently more worries about whether Santa will being her presents from her a Mammy.

 

I have no idea where to start with supporting any of them and in particular the child. Made even worse that it is family members suffering

 

Would appreciate any advice or ideas please.

 

Thanks

[Fredbear]

Oh this is a very sad post, but didn't want to read and run.

We have lost three mummies in my time at Pre-school, one took her own life and two sadly through illnesses.

We have a fantastic Area Senco team that had many resources that we were able to borrow for our use, and for the family if needed.

I have always been guided by the family members wishes and this may change as time passes.

We found to keep to as normal a routine for the child was critical at the time, although we too found this incredibly hard.

Take care of yourselves too. Fx

[HappyMaz]

Very sensible advice from Fredbear as usual - there's not much more I can add I'm afraid except to send you a virtual hug.

Try to get some support for yourselves too - it can be all too easy to overlook your own emotions and feelings whilst caring for the child and her family and ensuring their needs are met.

Life is very harsh sometimes.

[Guest sn0wdr0p]

Oh Sazz how very sad. There are a number of websites which can offer further information. Grief Encounter has information for professionals and other groups.

Remember to look after yourself and colleagues as well.

[Guest]

I've been in this sad situation three times in my teaching career, each time with a child in YR or Y1 who lost their mum. Like your 6 yr old, all three children appeared to be in denial at first, and simply carried on 'as normal'. It almost appeared that they'd not been affected but knowing what I know now, I can look back and see that they'd dissociated to varying degrees.

School was the one place where everything stayed the same and no one 'disappeared' suddenly, so we carried on with the same routines etc. None of the children spoke about their mums for some considerable time and we didn't press it, taking our lead from the children. We took advice from a variety of sources, including CHUMS, but mainly worked with the families to do what all parties thought was best for the children.

It's heartbreaking to see little children go through so much pain isn't it? Hope you get the support you are looking for to help all concerned.

[Guest]

We have had a couple of children lose a parent but I have also been on the other side, my daughter was just turned 7 when my husband died. The school were excellent with her, they carried on as normal but if ever she was feeling sad she was allowed to leave the classroom, she would go and sit with the receptionist for a little while who was a lovely lady. The school also promised to call me should she need me, but that wasn't necessary. There really isn't a lot you can do other than support but as a mum it was reassuring to know that she was cared for and allowed to talk whenever she needed to. It is a very difficult time, we are 8 years on now but my daughter still needs support from time to time and I'm happy to say still gets it from the secondary school she attends. Lots of loving goes along way!

[Guest]

Glad to hear your daughter got the support she needed LittleBoPeep, and is still receiving it.

[narnia]

Can only agree with everyone else...........keep things as normal as possible, for all of you. xx

[mundia]

I echo what others have said too.

Its worth finding out if your LA has a bereavement support service, or anyone who takes on that role, ours is fabulous, and they offer to support to the school or setting not just emotional support for the staff themselves, but also practical ideas for the children and families. Sometimes we don't know these things are there until we need them.

I worked in a school where we used a pink heart that children kept in a place they knew in the classroom. If they were a little tearful, of just wanted time out to reflect or talk, they got their pink heart, and went to wherever it was that was agreed to be their reflective place. Often this might be the reception area but in one case it was a neighbouring classroom where the child had a good relationship with the TA. It meant the child didn't have to say anything, everyone knew what the pink heart meant. It seemed to work well.

 

Take care too

[Inge]

A few sites I have used in the past.

http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/

http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/

http://www.cruse.org.uk/

http://www.childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk/

http://www.griefencounter.org.uk/

 

some have forums, and specialised children's services..

[Beau]

So sad and it looks as if you have received some excellent advice already. It's always hard to know what to do for the best as every family will react differently. I think the key is to always take your lead from them but also to be as honest with the child as you can, keeping within the wishes of the family.

[Stargrower]

I was so sad to read this post, but I wasn't sure at the end of your post if you meant that the child is part of your family Sazz J? If I have misunderstood then I apologise, but if this is the case, please make sure you make time for yourself to grieve as well. Take care.

[sunnyday]

Lots of great advice already - nothing to add - just sending hugs xxx

[SazzJ]

Thank you everyone

 

Yes the child is a family member (it's my sisters step daughter) Her Daddy in particular is taking it very very hard. He feels so guilty for many reasons (although he has no need to be) and is struggling to come to terms with it all.

[Guest]

Winston's Wish are fantastic, a friend of mine whose daughter in law commited sucide was offered support and guidance. They also gave advice to the pre school her youngest grandson attended on how to deal with the sad situation.

Take care.