SueFinanceManager Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 Welcome to Children in Need 2012 on the FSF There are 2 threads running this year, a photograph competition and ‘Tell us a joke’ This is the ‘Tell us a joke’ thread and it is for everyone to contribute to spread some laughter. Please keep 'em clean but keep 'em coming because we all enjoy a good chuckle. As for the winners, the moderating team will be popping in and out and awarding ‘Spot’ prizes of FSF mugs, pens and pads for anything that amuses them during the evening. Next week the moderating team will examine the jokes and funny stories a little closer and the funniest or daftest entry as decided by the mods (and their decision will be final) will have a choice of one of the following Top Prizes; Option A – One year’s subscription to ‘Tapestry – Online Learning Journals’ Option B - £20 cheque from the FSF for you to treat yourself Option C – Choose a book from the following selection; ‘Practical EYFS Handbook 2nd Edition’ by Penny Tassoni ‘Child Observation for the Early Years 2nd Edition’ by Ioanna Palaiologou ‘Transitions in the Early Years’ by Sue Allingham and ‘The Key Person Approach’ by Jennie Lindon - yes you get both if you chose this one! Hope you all have fun and remember at some point during the evening to click here and donate Have fun Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 Oh excellent - right I must know some 'clean' jokes......hmmmmm.........hmmmmm........ :blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueFinanceManager Posted November 15, 2012 Author Share Posted November 15, 2012 Blimey you were quick....anyway here is your starter for 10...... What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters? With love and hisses. What's a cow's favourite love song? When I fall in love , it will be for heifer. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 A man goes into a printers and says he needs a 6 foot high A, a 6 foot high S and a 6 foot high K. The printer thinks and then says 'Well I dont know, that's a big ask' 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 what do you call a one eyed dinosuar............................................................... do-you-think-he-saw-us :ph34r: :ph34r: :ph34r: :ph34r: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 Right...... Three man in a bus queue - an Irishman, Eng.....oh no actually not 'clean'........ Two nuns, the first nun says........er actually no better not tell that one....... A man goes into a pub.......hmmmmm actually no too smutty....... :blink: :blink: :blink: :lol: :ph34r: 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 A rabbit goes into a butchers and asks 'have you got any cabbages?' The butcher replies 'no, this is a butchers, we only sell meat' 'Oh ok' says the rabbit and leaves but comes back the next day and asks the butcher 'have you got any cabbages?' The butcher says 'I told you yesterday. No, we're a butchers. We sell meat' 'Ok' says the rabbit and leaves again. The next day the rabbits back again and asks the butcher 'Have you got any cabbages?' The butcher angrily shouts 'NO, WE SELL MEAT. IF YOU COME BACK AGAIN ASKING FOR CABBAGES I'LL NAIL YOUR EARS TO THE FLOOR!!.' 'Oh, Ok' says the rabbit, and leaves. The next day the rabbit returns to the butchers and asks 'Have you got any nails?' 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 (edited) Right...... Three man in a bus queue - an Irishman, Eng.....oh no actually not 'clean'........ Two nuns, the first nun says........er actually no better not tell that one....... A man goes into a pub.......hmmmmm actually no too smutty....... :blink: :blink: :blink: :lol: :ph34r: :lol: Have to say I'm dredging my memory for the clean one's Edited November 15, 2012 by Rea 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 What would happen if an elephant sat in front of you in a cinema? You'd miss the film! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pirates Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 What do you call a three legged Donkey? A wonkey 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 What did one toilet say to another toilet? Oh you look a bit flushed...... (Is that what they mean by toilet humour :rolleyes: ) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueJ Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 Clean and work related - Q - What is the difference between a coyote and a head louse? A - One howls on the prairie the other prowls on the hairy :rolleyes: 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lashes2508 Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 what do you call a woman in the distance? DOT ::1a ::1a 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lashes2508 Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 cheesy joke - How do you call a bear out of the woods? Camembert ! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 I think we might have great need of a groaning smiley!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lashes2508 Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 how do you hide a horse ? marscarpone !! more cheese please ( my daughters English teacher is responsible for these as she loves a cheesy joke !) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 A group of chess enthusiasts were kicked out of a hotel reception for discussing their winning games. The manager can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. Daily Mail web site, so I'm not to blame 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 Question: What do Mack the Knife, Winnie the Pooh, and Attila the Hun have in common? Answer: Their middle names. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueFinanceManager Posted November 15, 2012 Author Share Posted November 15, 2012 Question: What do Mack the Knife, Winnie the Pooh, and Attila the Hun have in common? Answer: Their middle names. Definitely need a groan for that I am going to be a little saucy as it is past the watershed..... Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her teacher asked her a question. He inquired, “What grows to 10 times its original size when excited?” Jane blushed and said that she didn't know. Jimmy raised his hand and said, “I know! The pupil of the eye.” The teacher replied, “Yes, very good Jimmy.” The the teacher turned to Jane and said, “Jane I have three things to say to you: One -- you have a very dirty mind. Two -- you haven't been studying hard enough. And three -- you're going to be very disappointed!” :wub: 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lashes2508 Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 A group of chess enthusiasts were kicked out of a hotel reception for discussing their winning games. The manager can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. Daily Mail web site, so I'm not to blame I asked for cheese not chess !! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueFinanceManager Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 I asked for cheese not chess !! You asked for it.... What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese! Knock Knock Who's There? Cheese! Cheese Who? Cheese a jolly good fellow Knock Knock Who's There? Cheese! Cheese Who? Cheese a cute girl! He went on a cheese diet in order to cheddar a few pounds That cheese joke was whey over my head That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey! Ok I am going awhey now.....cheese jokes have made me feel a brie bit funny 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 I'm laughing Sue, but I really dont know why! :blink: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 whats brown and sticky............................. a stick 9sorry no good at jokes and if i open a bottle later they will only get worse) :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat? Put it in the front seat! :lol: 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueFinanceManager Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 I was walking on the high street one day when some teenagers behind me threw some cheddar at me. I turned around and said "oh THAT'S MATURE!" A tornado touched down yesterday on a cheese factory in france, destroying everything in sight , the only thing left was da brie Some priests are sitting down to some nice cheese and beer after a long day. After a minute or two father Jerry sniffs and wrinkles his nose says to father Pete, "Fr. Pete, we need to keep you out of the cabbage from now on." Fr. Pete replies "Don't look at me, it's the Stinking Bishop!" Name a femininist cheese – GRUYERE Why did the cheese lose a fight with a stone – Because the ROQUEFORT back How do you handle a dangerous cheese? - CAERPHILLY What kind of cheese protects a castle? - MOAT-ZERELLA What is a cannibal’s favourite cheese? - LIMBURGER What cheeses do you eat on a windy day? - BRIES What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror? - HALLOU-MI What cheese is made backwards? - EDAM What is the most popular cheese in a mental institution? - EM-MENTAL What is a pirate’s favourite cheese? - CHEDDAAAARRRRR Ok I am going to hide now but please remember I didn't start this 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 what did the fish say when he swam into a wall?.......................................... DAM :huh: ::1a ::1a ::1a ::1a ::1a 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 What's yellow and makes lots of noise? Custard Screams! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 i like your jokes Sunny 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lashes2508 Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 @ sue those are real cheesy jokes - but there STIL TONs out there I bet - 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Oh groan Lashes :lol: 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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