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Children in Need 2012 - Tell us a joke


SueFinanceManager
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Welcome to Children in Need 2012 on the FSF

 

There are 2 threads running this year, a photograph competition and ‘Tell us a joke’

 

This is the ‘Tell us a joke’ thread and it is for everyone to contribute to spread some laughter.

 

Please keep 'em clean but keep 'em coming because we all enjoy a good chuckle.

 

As for the winners, the moderating team will be popping in and out and awarding ‘Spot’ prizes of FSF mugs, pens and pads for anything that amuses them during the evening.

 

Next week the moderating team will examine the jokes and funny stories a little closer and the funniest or daftest entry as decided by the mods (and their decision will be final) will have a choice of one of the following Top Prizes;

 

Option A – One year’s subscription to ‘Tapestry – Online Learning Journals’

 

Option B - £20 cheque from the FSF for you to treat yourself

 

Option C – Choose a book from the following selection;

 

‘Practical EYFS Handbook 2
nd
Edition’ by Penny Tassoni

 

‘Child Observation for the Early Years 2
nd
Edition’ by Ioanna Palaiologou

 

‘Transitions in the Early Years’ by Sue Allingham and ‘The Key Person Approach’ by Jennie Lindon - yes you get both if you chose this one!

 

Hope you all have fun and remember at some point during the evening to click here and donate

 

Have fun

 

Sue

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Right......

 

Three man in a bus queue - an Irishman, Eng.....oh no actually not 'clean'........

 

Two nuns, the first nun says........er actually no better not tell that one.......

 

A man goes into a pub.......hmmmmm actually no too smutty.......

 

:blink: :blink: :blink: xD :lol: xD:ph34r: :ph34r: :ph34r:

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A rabbit goes into a butchers and asks 'have you got any cabbages?'

The butcher replies 'no, this is a butchers, we only sell meat'

'Oh ok' says the rabbit and leaves but comes back the next day and asks the butcher 'have you got any cabbages?'

The butcher says 'I told you yesterday. No, we're a butchers. We sell meat'

'Ok' says the rabbit and leaves again.

The next day the rabbits back again and asks the butcher 'Have you got any cabbages?'

The butcher angrily shouts 'NO, WE SELL MEAT. IF YOU COME BACK AGAIN ASKING FOR CABBAGES I'LL NAIL YOUR EARS TO THE FLOOR!!.'

'Oh, Ok' says the rabbit, and leaves.

The next day the rabbit returns to the butchers and asks 'Have you got any nails?'

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Right......

 

Three man in a bus queue - an Irishman, Eng.....oh no actually not 'clean'........

 

Two nuns, the first nun says........er actually no better not tell that one.......

 

A man goes into a pub.......hmmmmm actually no too smutty.......

 

:blink: :blink: :blink: xD :lol: xD:ph34r: :ph34r: :ph34r:

 

 

xD :lol: xD

Have to say I'm dredging my memory for the clean one's :D

Edited by Rea
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A group of chess enthusiasts were kicked out of a hotel reception for discussing their winning games. The manager can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

 

Daily Mail web site, so I'm not to blame

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Question: What do Mack the Knife, Winnie the Pooh, and Attila the Hun have in common?

Answer: Their middle names.

 

Definitely need a groan for that xD

 

I am going to be a little saucy as it is past the watershed.....

 

Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her teacher asked her a question. He inquired, “What grows to 10 times its original size when excited?”

Jane blushed and said that she didn't know. Jimmy raised his hand and said, “I know! The pupil of the eye.” The teacher replied, “Yes, very good Jimmy.”

The the teacher turned to Jane and said, “Jane I have three things to say to you: One -- you have a very dirty mind. Two -- you haven't been studying hard enough. And three -- you're going to be very disappointed!” :ph34r: :wub:

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I asked for cheese not chess !! xD

 

You asked for it....

 

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

 

Nacho Cheese!

 

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Cheese!

Cheese Who?

Cheese a jolly good fellow

 

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Cheese!

Cheese Who?

Cheese a cute girl!

 

He went on a cheese diet in order to cheddar a few pounds

 

That cheese joke was whey over my head

 

That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta

 

What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!

 

Ok I am going awhey now.....cheese jokes have made me feel a brie bit funny :ph34r:

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whats brown and sticky.............................

 

 

a stick 9sorry no good at jokes and if i open a bottle later they will only get worse) xD :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink:

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I was walking on the high street one day when some teenagers behind me threw some cheddar at me. I turned around and said "oh THAT'S MATURE!"

 

A tornado touched down yesterday on a cheese factory in france, destroying everything in sight , the only thing left was da brie

 

Some priests are sitting down to some nice cheese and beer after a long day. After a minute or two father Jerry sniffs and wrinkles his nose says to father Pete, "Fr. Pete, we need to keep you out of the cabbage from now on." Fr. Pete replies "Don't look at me, it's the Stinking Bishop!"

 

Name a femininist cheese – GRUYERE

 

Why did the cheese lose a fight with a stone – Because the ROQUEFORT back

 

How do you handle a dangerous cheese? - CAERPHILLY

 

What kind of cheese protects a castle? - MOAT-ZERELLA

 

What is a cannibal’s favourite cheese? - LIMBURGER

 

What cheeses do you eat on a windy day? - BRIES

 

What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror? - HALLOU-MI

 

What cheese is made backwards? - EDAM

 

What is the most popular cheese in a mental institution? - EM-MENTAL

 

What is a pirate’s favourite cheese? - CHEDDAAAARRRRR

 

Ok I am going to hide now but please remember I didn't start this :P

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