So fed up

[Devondaisy]

As the title says, so fed up, and in need of advice/a good shake!

 

I've been running a committee pre school for over 2 years, and in many ways I love my job. However I had a meltdown just before half term, and am on the brink again, just one wek into term. I have written my resignation tonight, but not handed it in yet.

 

I spent a lot of time over the summer working on implementing the revised EYFS, as I know many of you did too. I didn't ask for any payment for all the hours spent, as I know budgets are tight, however, I do feel that the committee knew that work needed to be done, but just assumed I would do it all. We are also expecting Ofsted this term, which is causing me some addtional stress, as everyone is expecting outstanding and I know we are not going to get that! I spent months earlier this year working towards EYPS, which is now not worth the paper it is written on! Numbers are low, and I am under constant pressure over this, but we have a good reputation in the area and there is very little else I can do. We are in a small village and people are not prepared to travel even for good childcare.

 

We have taken on a lot of new children this term with additional needs, and quite simply we are struggling to cope. Some of the children need 1:1 attention or they are a danger to others, but we have limited staff so this is an issue. My commitee chair has been wonderful since my 'meltdown' and is willing to pay for extra staff to help with the children with additional needs but morale is low, and for various reasons I'm struggling to persuade the staff to help!

 

I have also said that the job is taking over my life, and now (since half term) have an afternoon each week for paperwork, but my resolution to have weekends off is falling flat on it's face. I work very late on fridays to write the newsletter, planning, answer e-mails etc. The final straw this weekend, after spending Saturday preparing for a fundriser, baking cakes etc. and Sat night at the fundraiser, tonight as I was preparing our family Sunday roast my phone beeped with a message from a parent wanting a meeting next week. I know this is likely to be a problem of some kind and will now worry and have sleepless nights until I see her on Wednesday! I have e-mailed parents tonight to ask them to send messages to the pre-school e-mail, which will be checked on weekdays, rather than my personal one which is hard to ignore, so hopefully they will get the message, but I do feel I am public property!

 

No real reason for this post except to rant really and ask - is this part and parcel of life as a pre-school manager? I feel that my life has been taken over...I work all hours, dream about work when I sleep, and very worked often don't sleep for worrying about work! If I added up my hours worked over a week I would be on way less than minimum wage! This is ridiculous!

 

So... do I hand in the letter and go and work in Tesco???

[Rea]

So sorry you feel like this Devondaisy. Could you talk to your chair and explain that you are doing jobs that should really be done by committee? Baking cakes, newsletter and answering emails shouldn't be one of your roles. I understand you want everything to be done correctly but if you hand in your resignation it will have to be done by someone else anyway!

On the other hand, even without these jobs, are you really enjoying your role anymore? A lot of us just one day realise we don't want to do it anymore regardless of the roles we have. Do you write lists and prioritise the things that need to be done? Do you stick to the list? Remember the 'golf balls in a jar' the big things matter, you can leave the rest.

Chat to the chair before you do anything if you're undecided about the resignation letter.

I carried my letter with me for days before I plucked up the courage to hand it over but the relive when I did was wonderful.

I hope you can find a solution, being stressed won't help the playgroup.

[Inge]

did not want to read and run..

 

unfortunately i think all who run a setting with a committee have times when the job seems to have a life of its own and take over... I sat down and listed the jobs others could do... passed them on and let them get on with it... some of the staff actually relished it and one took to planning like a duck to water... a bit of support to start with and she took over..

 

to begin with numbers are low.. but this should be the committee doing the promoting etc not you...hand it back to them... you are there to run the setting and look after that side, not directly recruiting .

 

I never gave my own phone number or email to anyone except the chair ( and staff) who knew not to give it to anyone ... they bought a cheap mobile for work use only, no camera, and that was the number parents had for out of hours.. had a message service and I never checked it evenings or weekends... unless I wanted to.. and the emails to preschool account were all done by committee not me..

 

and I did similar to Rea, a big decision but not enjoying it needed to rethink and chat it over.. took my time, but in the end health reasons caused me to leave.. i did still enjoy it, and with good support and good committee it is always possible to turn it around.. .

[Susan]

No advice as I was a teacher and can not comment from that point of view BUT on a personal level I know how you feel.

 

Please take care of your self, you sound as if you need at least some time out--is that possible? Don,t make any rash decisions while you are feeling so overwhelmed. Take care and stay strong.

[sunnyday]

Hi Devondaisy - I didn't want to 'read and run'.........not sure what help I can give as i have no experience of committee run groups.......however, I think rea's advice to speak to the Chair and tell her all that you have outlined for us seems sound.

 

Good luck with it all and always know that we are here if you need us........

[Beau]

Good advice already given. Just wanted to offer my sympathies too - been there and got the T-Shirt! I too decided enough was enough and left. My life is so much less stressful now. I do know that isn't always an option for some people though.

[SueFinanceManager]

Hope you are feeling better today and re phone message on a Sunday maybe it is time to get a pay as you go phone for work then you can turn it off on a Friday night!!! Also if you need to make work calls you can then claim expenses for the top ups to renew the phones credit because I bet you make phone calls you don't claim for!

 

Big hugs,

Sue

[zigzag]

Like you I was being contacted at home by all the parents, about big things and small things, some important and some not. I decided that that really was the limit and sent out a note asking all parents not to contact me at home unless it was an emergency and to use the pre-school mobile at all other times. It did work and now with all the new children no one has my home number!!! It does get ridiculous the amount of time we have to spend working out of hours, I am lucky, we are a well off group and have a waiting list all ready for next September so we can get paid for the hours we do at the moment, this may all change in a years time though. I do tend to eat, sleep and breathe pre-school (quite a saddo really) I think it would be a real shame if you left as you are obviously dedicated and I am sure your group would miss you, but at the end of the day you have to put yourself first and all the stress and worry cannot be good for you. I agree with Rea about the golf balls, it is so true. Hope you come to the right decision and let us know what is happening.

[thumperrabbit]

You have my sympathies, I am in exactly the same position as you so can't really give any advice.

All the pre-schools in our area are struggling for numbers so we are all in the same boat.

I too got a £9.99 pay as you go mobile just for pre-school, I do bring it home but switch it off at 8pm and back on at 8am, I no longer give anyone my own number I did the same with email set up a pre-school one, yes I do check it at night or during the weekend but it's up to me if I wait until the next day to reply.

[Rea]

Our playgroup have a dedicated phone but its only switched on during session times, our own numbers are private and not given out. The playleader takes the phone home during the holidays but just to listen to any messages that might arrive.

We have a playgroup email account too, but no-one has mine or staffs.

Most, if not all of our parents dont know where we live either.

 

You really do need to separate work and home and create a better balance. :1b

[Devondaisy]

Hello everyone, and thank you for the messages. I have just sent a long reply, but it wouldn't post! Anyway, I am feeling a bit better today, and have so far not handed the letter in, although for some reason I feel better just having it written and ready...? I have been permanently ill this term, which is really unusual for me, so I think I must bea bit run down with it all.

 

I really need to separate work from home a lot better, so on a practical note, I have asked all parents to use the pre-school e-mail from now on rather than my personal one, and have promised myself I will not check it over the weekend. My chair has been happily giving out my personal mobile, so I will have a word when I see her and ask for that to stop. The parents can all use the pre-school mobile instead, and I'm sure there will rarely be anything so important it can't wait until I pick up messages the next day. Hopefully they will soon get used to this.

 

I know I am a perfectionist, and this is getting worse with Ofsted looming as I worry about every little thing, but I will make a concerted effort to relax a bit more. The coffee and golf balls is fab, and I have shared with my staff. I do wonder if I can continue in this job though for the long term, it really is a vocation not just a job isn't it? I really thought it would get easier as time went on, but there always seems to be something new to do and worry about.

 

Thanks again for the kind words of wisdom from you all - it really is wondeful to be part of such a supportive caring community. x

[meridian]

As a manager of a committee run setting, I can echo all that you are saying! I feel that as staff we are 'sandwiched' in the middle of parents (as our employers) and parents (as our customers) and many parents feel that they almost 'own' us!...how many organisations are there that can set the fees for sessions as employers and have a 'vested' interest in keeping fees low because they pay the fees. Parents/committee do not understand the effect on health/family life of the onerous responsibility managing a busy setting has.....

Why do I feel like the circus performer trying to keep all the plates in the air at the same time? :rolleyes:

[Rea]

Devondaisy, you sound more in control and that's good. Your chair really should protect your confidentiality, I think its shocking she would give your number without getting the ok from you. I hope she listens to you on this. If anyone uses your personal number or email reply from the playgroup one, that might help them understand.

make a list of all the things you want to be in place for Ofsted. You won't know when they're coming so set a date for when each thing can reasonably be completed. Tick them off as you go. Keep the letter in your bag for now, keep it under review.

Meridian, I've been playleader and now I'm chair, I can see it from both sides but to be honest, I prefer this side! Anyone working with a committee need to make sure lines are drawn so everyone understands their roles, that goes for committee too! If they are voting on fee's they need to be aware of the conflict of interest document. I'm on my phone so can't get to it now, but basically all committee sign to agree to put the setting first or not vote if they feel conflicted. If i don't back with it, you can fond it on the Governance site.

[Cait]

I have this over my desk. My Dad gave it to me when I was very low

 

I am not on call to all of the people, all of the time.

I have needs of my own which may not be the same as my family's, my colleagues or my friends.

I don't have to say 'yes' to every request that is made of me.

I don't have to carry on doing something just because I have always done it.

Time spent relaxing is time well spent.

There's no such thing as the 'perfect wife', 'perfect mother', 'perfect child'

Time spent feeling guilty could be spent doing more enjoyable things.

I shouldn't always do it for them if they are capable of doing it themselves.

I should give myself the same care and consideration that I give to others.

I should remember, at all times, especially in the face of criticism, difficulties and anxiety, that I am doing the best I can

 

Does that help?

[Rea]

Oh I like that Cait. Well done Mr Cait senior ::1a

 

This is the conflict of Interest policy ******** Playgroup Conflict of Interest Policy

All staff, volunteers, and management committee members of the ******** Playgroup will strive to avoid any conflict of interest between the interests of the Organization on the one hand, and personal, professional, and business interests on the other. This includes avoiding actual conflicts of interest as well as the perception of conflicts of interest.

 

The purposes of this policy is to protect the integrity of the Organization's decision-making process, to enable our families to have confidence in our integrity, and to protect the integrity and reputation of volunteers, staff and committee members.

 

Examples of conflicts of interest include:

1 A committee member who is also a user who must decide whether fees from users should be increased.

2 A committee member who is related to a member of staff and there is decision to be taken on staff pay and/or conditions.

3 A committee member who is also on the committee of another organisation that is competing for the same funding.

4 A committee member who has shares in a business that may be awarded a contract to do work or provide services for the organisation.

 

Upon appointment each committee member will make a full, written disclosure of interests, such as relationships, and posts held, that could potentially result in a conflict of interest. This written disclosure will be kept on file and I will be updated as appropriate.

 

In the course of meetings or activities, committee members will disclose any interests in a transaction or decision where there may be a conflict between the organisations best interests and the committee members best interests or a conflict between the best interests of two organisations that the committee members is involved with.

 

After disclosure, I understand that I will be asked to leave the room for the discussion and will not be able to take part in the decision.

 

Any such disclosure and the subsequent actions taken will be noted in the minutes.

 

This policy is meant to supplement good judgment, and staff, volunteers and management committee members should respect its spirit as well as its wording.

 

Date Adopted: ______________________

[Conker]

Thanks Rea thats really interesting and something I havent heard about before, I think its high time we had one of those policy. The parents I have on the committee wont put the fees up as it effects them and also every parent on the committee bar 2 including the chairs send their children to other settings!

 

I'm going to print that off and put it over my desk too! Thanks for sharing that Cait

:1b

[Deb]

HI Devondaisy

I just want to let you know that I know exactly how you feel. I have recently changed jobs having managed a committee led group for 3 years. Although I did do a good job, enjoyed the freedom to be creative in providing quality provision, and was highly thought of by staff, parents and committee, I decided that the downside you describe so well was not worth it for me. Being a perfectionist, working all hours, being on call etc etc, the contant gaze of Ofsted and other such devolved powers, may well be something that individuals can try to address to redress the worklife balance. I hope you can get the support you need to help you make the decision that is right for you.

 

The next step for me is working in a different setting, supporting the manager...this will bring its own challenges but I hope I can use my skills and be a good deputy whilst reclaiming some time for me.

 

Good luck and best wishes.

[Guest]

I have this over my desk. My Dad gave it to me when I was very low

 

I am not on call to all of the people, all of the time.

I have needs of my own which may not be the same as my family's, my colleagues or my friends.

I don't have to say 'yes' to every request that is made of me.

I don't have to carry on doing something just because I have always done it.

Time spent relaxing is time well spent.

There's no such thing as the 'perfect wife', 'perfect mother', 'perfect child'

Time spent feeling guilty could be spent doing more enjoyable things.

I shouldn't always do it for them if they are capable of doing it themselves.

I should give myself the same care and consideration that I give to others.

I should remember, at all times, especially in the face of criticism, difficulties and anxiety, that I am doing the best I can

 

Does that help?

 

It helps me, thanks

 

I've copied it for my noticeboard and have put it as my screen saver on my phone..... after last week I should perhaps have it tattooed on my arm so I can remind myself on the hour every hour !!

 

Nona