Coming Home

[Panders]

OK - my son, his wife and their 1 yr old have sold their house and it will be a few months before they can move into their new place - they are all coming to live with us. Could be tricky space wise - although house is fairly big, it was built in the 60's and has only one bathroom! My other two sons pretty much come and go but still need their own bedrooms so my son and DIL will have to have his old bedroom and we will find space elsewhere for the baby!

 

OH fine with all this at the moment, but likes his peace and quiet! I can feel the eggshells already cracking under my weight as I walk about preparing for their arrival on the 1st June.

 

Of course I am delighted my boy is coming home - he left home far too early in my opinion at the tender age of 19. So my question dear friends is this - how do I keep everyone happy for the next couple of months? Any dos or don'ts you can come up with all the better - especially all you daughter -in-laws. I have a good relationship with my DIL, and have no wish to upset that.

 

Help!

[Rea]

I had to live with my in-laws for 7 months in between buying and selling our houses. I was pregnant when I arrived and had a 6 month old baby when we left.

Two bedroomed house, one bathroom, one lounge, one kitchen.

MIL at start left us with our own space, she rarely came into our room where we had a double bed and a moses basket. She was at work in the morning so me and Sam had that time on our own. FIL was at work and not very family orientated so he was ok.

We lived pretty close to my nan so I used to try to keep out of the way although afterwards I realised MIL would rather of had us there.

We kept cooking separate too, except on Sunday when she did dinner.

We muddled along to be honest. At the time I hated it but it is managable. Both families need to understand they are seperate, your son especially needs to understand that while he feels completely at ease, it being his mom and dad and old house, his partner, no matter how well she and you get along, might feel less so.

[Inge]

Exciting, but also a bit scarey ...

 

a lot will depend on how you and they see it working.. maybe a chat to see if they want to share cooking or do own or if you are happy to do for all, and they are, a few discussions about these things at the start may help a lot. ( here is depends on the guest, one I had for 3 months did no cooking but did all the washing up, their choice and even now when they come to dinner they still do it!)

 

bathroom, for us it was always those who needed to get out for work first, others waited til they had gone if needed.. before anyone went in for a long period the shout went out, began to cause a lot of laughs that one.. a queue for the loo before anyone could spend time in there, saved hassle though, and we speread the load by showering different times of day.

 

may seem obvious but let them know there is no need to ask permission to do or use anything ( unless you have a household that works that way)for me nothing worse than being in someone elses house, unsure and thinking I need to ask to make tea, or have a shower or use the washing machine etc.. allowing freedom in your house can help a guest feel less like eggshell walking.. here it is always if it is there you can use it, no questions, but if you use the last of something put it on the shopping list please.. or do a shop to replace it.

 

and the biggie for us was not to let our son to being a son and letting mum do everything... amazing how easy that was to happen..' I am back so someone else does things and I don't have to..' its not my house now so I can revert to being son again'.. even with responsibilities and partner with him our son reverted to type! Waiting for drinks and food and things to be done, Took his partner to give him a 'kick up the backside' to realise it was no longer his place to be son, and had him doing his share at home while here.. ( he is the cook in his household so he took over a lot of that!)

 

As a mum I would probably expect the baby to be in the same room as me, particularly at a year old in strange place etc.. baby cot was what we used when staying at family for a few weeks..even up to the age of 3.. was easier..My mum used to move the household around for the time we were there so we had the biggest of the rooms available, even if it did mean moving others around.. it was only for weeks so not long term..

 

let them get on with it... not too much of the advice, doing things for them suggestions, no matter how much you feel it could be done better or differently, Enjoy the baby and hand it back as all great grandmothers do.. ! Step back .

 

Space to self is the hardest unless you can set up a room as a snug or quiet room... my hubby deserts us to the office or bedroom..he can watch tv in both and everyone knew not to disturb him if door was closed.. others usually managed a quiet time when we were all out of the house,

[Guest]

As a DIL who lived with her in laws for two weeks (and that was enough!) with my 1 year old while waiting to move into my new house I agree with what others have said about setting everything out from the start. My MIL did drive me mad by leaving my husband to be her son again and undermining every single thing I did with my daughter. I don't want to sound ungrateful because I was 8 months pregnant at the time and desperate for somewhere to live , but it did not make for a comfortable two weeks at all. In hindsight I imagine she thought she was giving us a break by doing things for my husband and giving me advice over my daughter, but it wasn't how it worked. You sound lovely though and the fact you are asking the questions mean it will not come to a head like it did for us.

[sunnyday]

Hi my lovely black and white furry friend

 

Have you thought about a caravan in the garden? I'm not being flippant (honest) would give everyone some 'space'.......

 

I am lucky to have two super daughters-in-law but.......hmmmm.......would I want them moving in.......hmmmm.......would they want to live with me.......hmmmmmmmmm

[Guest]

The fact that you're thinkinhg of everyone's best interests before it even happens makes me think it'll work for you all but I, too, thought of a caravan when I read your post It could provide a much needed bolthole and extra bathroom facilities........ I know I'd rather that than move in with my MIL (in fact I'd rather a Bear Grylls type survival shelter than move in with her )

 

Nona

[Panders]

Thanks for replies chaps - will bear the caravan in mind ............... i might need it :blink: Garden is big enough, getting it in might cause a stir though. I just want it to be a time we can relax and have very little tension,

[Upsy Daisy]

Are you able to find them a space to watch tv and relax on their own in the evenings? I know most people would find that quite difficult but in their position I'd relish time to flick the channels and talk over the tv without worrying that I was irritating anyone.

 

I don't think you're the type to interfere with their parenting so I guess it will be about you finding ways to cope with having to bite your tongue.

 

We have a caravan which we use for guests now and then and they seem to find it comfortable. When my brother in law was over from Oz for a few weeks staying with family round the country he and his wife quite enjoyed the privacy they had out there with their son. Apparently it was nice to have a bit of their own space for a while.