Behaviour - Stressed!

[trekker]

yesterday I had one of the worst sessions and I am still very stressed about it.

Basically we have a child who is on an IEP for behavioural / communciation issues.

They have actually got 'better' in terms of the original underlying issues - speech imporving, frustration reducing etc..but the behaviour is continuing and as there is less of a 'reason' for it it is increasingly difficult to avoid the other childresn 'naughty labelling'.

Where we once told other children that "X needs help to tell you what they need" and "X is only just learning to use her words - this is why sometimes she pushes or takes toys - we need to help her to ask first...etc now they respond "but now she can talk and she still hits me - mummy says shes just naughty / horrible"...etc

 

The behaviour yesterday was non stop - basically I could not do anything else but deal with incidents - there were slaps across faces as she passed by others, thowing /sweeping toys off tables, deliberately breaking resources, deliberatly snatching, pushing in, swearing at everyone, ruining others paintings (painting on them, ripping them) ...as soon as I dealt with one hurt child another child was crying....it was literally non stop.

 

Ive tried ignoring but that fails because the other children just dont get it and think you are allowing it,

Ive tried telling the child if they choose to do so and so then they choose not to play there anymore..and then they move to another activity do the same and eventually there is nothing left for the child to play with!

Ive tried discussing other feelings, encouraging child to help treat any injuried inflicted (as advised by EYA) but child still continues within minutes to hurt another child...

I have worked almost one to one with the child, working to engage them in play and they do respond to adult attention and they can and do play very well with others and are very sociable really but I find even if I am right there things still happen out of the blue and to try to be there before things happen is impossible...you think things are going well, you turn to respond to another child and then something happens - it is so so wearing.

After yesterday, and I know I didnt deal with it very well at all, I was almost at my wits end and even found myself contemplating calling the parent to take them home early - and Ive never even considered that ever before! I couldnt wait to get all the children out the door at home time and escape myself

 

Its all pretty low level stuff really - pokes, pushes, pushing in, tormenting, shouting, screaming, slaps are less frequent, but its the frequency and randomness and no reason for it.

Weve tried to avoid it but the fact is the child always gets a reaction - whether thats negative attention from adult or more usually screams & cries from the children - and she loves it - grinning in response and heading off to find someone else to slap on the way past.

Its impossible even to record ABC's as even when trying to write anything down, as soon as your eyes are off the case it happens!

 

Its not that I dont know what to do with behaviour - Ive dealt with lots over the years but this particular case its so persistent and the behaviour is so random and seemingly unprovoked and the other children (and parents) get so upset when they keep getting picked on.

I dont feel we are able to really give anyone else the preschool experience they deserve and that upsets me and certainly I am feeling I am not enjoying my job at all at the moment (there are other factors for this but I feel if this was not happening Id be feeling better about things improving).

For the sessions the child attends we are basically just managing behaviour / acting as bodyguard / reassuring worried children - so much stuff that we'd normally be doing (like going for walks, special activites - cooking) is just not happening because we know it will be a nightmare to manage and anything that takes one staff member 'off the floor' puts more pressure on the others.

 

Just wanted to share really and see if anyone has any insights as Im feeling really frustrated about it all.

[Guest]

Oh trekker, how very wearing for you all

 

My initial reaction is that 'end of term-itis' has struck.... I always find my children are tired, tearful and less tolerant of each other at this stage in the term and I seem to spend most of my time refereeing and, like you, abandoning planned activities just to keep everyone calm and getting on!

 

You've tried so hard and must be incredibly frustrated.... have you got a break for Easter coming up to re-charge your own batteries?.... if you've only got a few sessions left until then could you ask for extra parent volunteers perhaps to lend extra hands so you and staff can, as you say, act as bodyguard for this child? Perhaps things will improve after the holiday and she will settle a little.

 

Nona

[louby loo]

Not sure what to add, but I didn't want to 'read and run'!!

 

You always give good advice yourself- so I guess you've already tried a lot of stratagies.

 

Is there anyway you and your team can 'mentally prepare' themselves before the start of this child's sessions? Somehow have play plan for the child before she arrives (not very EYFSish I know!!!). Does the child come with 'backgound issues'? (not asking what they are!!) If given extra responsiblities can she cope, for example helping staff sort things.

We had a child from a very disturbed backgroud- that acted out as you described, we found that if we sort of treated her like a member of staff she somehow got the attention she needed without getting 'over-attention' ......... not really explained that well! :mellow:

[Fredbear]

Oh this sounds just like one of our littlies many moons ago, but still fresh in my mind. They used to pull hair, slap etc, infact anything to get a reaction.

We thought of something the child really loved in her case it was an adults pen, so we bought a special pen with a feather on it, which was kept in a basket with a timer.

We explained that if she kept kind hands, feet etc she would get to have the special pen.This worked a treat with her and we soon got her on track and she left us with a lovely friendship group.

Can you think of anything that might have this effect.

I know it leaves you shattered, but you are all so important to help her with this.

[sunnyday]

Oh this sounds just like one of our littlies many moons ago, but still fresh in my mind. They used to pull hair, slap etc, infact anything to get a reaction.

We thought of something the child really loved in her case it was an adults pen, so we bought a special pen with a feather on it, which was kept in a basket with a timer.

We explained that if she kept kind hands, feet etc she would get to have the special pen.This worked a treat with her and we soon got her on track and she left us with a lovely friendship group.

Can you think of anything that might have this effect.

I know it leaves you shattered, but you are all so important to help her with this.

 

Great advice there from bridger - I have had good results using 'smiley face' stickers (yes, I know some people are not fans of stickers, but a little bribery and corruption can go a long way when needed ) "I would love to put a smiley face in your book today" - ah should have said we use 'daily contact books'.........

 

It is incredibly wearing - I do empathise/sympathise.......quite awful too when you know that other children are not getting the best pre-school experience......

 

Good luck with it all

[fimbo]

have you tried an ABC observation ? its more time consuming as you have to be watching the child for alot of the time -so you can see what is going on around them before the behaviour happens -then see if there is a pattern, there may be a 'trigger' that has been missed.

[garrison]

Is someone able to explain the ABC conversation - I have never heard of it

[lashes2508]

Oh trekker how awfully upsetting for you all and frustrating.

We too had a little boy who was similar and yet so lovely and bright, unfortunately not many boundaries at home and support for him or suitable attention from mum and yet had wonderful grandparents who really took his behaviour seriously and wanted help. methods often changed from week to week depending on what worked at the time but consequences were consistent.

I introduced a bean pot although in his case it was dinosaur eggs, he helped me choose the dinosaur , coloured the picture and pasted onto pot , inside we put some eggs ( plastic ones) . we would start the day with 5 and wanted to end with the same amount where possible. He loved dinosaurs thats why we chose the theme. If he was not behaving appropriately he had to remove one of the eggs but if he redeeemed himself we could put the egg back. He helped him take ownership of his behaviour and it was nice when we too did not feel we were on edge and constantly calling his name because of something he had done.

it really is important to get some support with this situation and not to bear all of it, we all want the best for all of the children in our care . it may be an idea to speak to your area senco and possibly suggest a visit from an ed psych to observe this child.

Don't be afraid to ask someone else to take over when necessary, as we all know children pick up on our feelings and play to them even more.

Sending you ' a don't worry too much and you need a good rest' type of hug ! :rolleyes:

[Inge]

Is someone able to explain the ABC conversation - I have never heard of it

 

Antecedent - what happened before

Behaviour - what they did

Consequences - resulting in?

 

3 columns with a quick note in each to try to see if there is something that triggers a particular behaviour - more than once we have done these only to show it was another child that did something to trigger the behaviour ( not saying this is necessarily the case here though)

 

ABC explains them rather well..

[finleysmaid]

firstly ...sending hugs and empathy :wub:

how old is this little one?

are you sure there are no safeguarding issues(swearing when you've only just learnt to talk is a little worrying!)

How do her parents deal with bad behaviour at home (apart from telling her shes horrible!! )

if she is over 3 i would suggest maybe some time out type of consequence with very little interaction from an adult so that bad behaviour gets no interaction and good behaviour gets lots of adult interaction but difficult without knowing her. It does sound as if she is doing things for a reaction

know im telling grandmother to suck eggs...it's so difficult when this behaviour is just relentless though isn't it <_<

[Deb]

Golly, you sound like you're going through exactly what we are going through! I totally empathise with you, we are all exhausted.

 

We have been fine tuning strategies since September, and making progress at one point but we now seem to have taken a step backwards with our little boy who has difficulty with social communication whilst displaying many strengths such as being able to spell and write words. He has just turned 4.

 

We found reminding the child of the social rules of sharing helped, so at the start of every session we read a 'sharing book' with the child. This worked really well initially.

 

We have a calm-down area in our book corner where the child can go to calm down, other children are safe and see that justice has been done, and the child lets of steam - reading himself a book is a good way. Like you we do not give attention whilst in this area so that the child is not rewarded with adult attention for his challenging behaviour. Lately though he has taken to trying any which way to get our attention, throwing books at us, talking to us or hitting us. I am taking advise on how to deal with this next week.

 

In general he seems to have escalated low level pushing, hitting other children or adults - it seems as it he is doing this to get our attention.

 

We have tried lots of positive strategies, really tuning into and trying to understand what he is trying to communicate to us. These strategies seem to work for a while, then we have to think of new ones because he chooses not to engage with them.

 

We are so looking forward to Easter. Personally I have felt enormous stress this term, and this situation has a lot to do with it. I hope that this may be of help to you if only so you know you are not alone!

[trekker]

Thank you all so much!

Some great advice and reassurance as usual.

Our 'little one' is four ...and yes there are background issues (delayed speech, lack of boundaries /attention at home...) - parent has had to deal with this for years (was convinced child would be 'expelled' within weeks of starting preschool!) and is recieving support from childrens centre...but its slow going.

Child is very advanced in other areas & very curious and eager. She clearly understands what is expected and delights in doing the opposite. It does seem too that she is targetting younger, smaller, more sensitive children as she gets the most reaction from them.

 

Child does like to 'help' adults although gets possessive about this aspect and it can cause more upsets (either when she does get to help - telling others with words or otherwise that they cannot...or from frustration when its someone elses turn!). The same thing happens when offered favourite toys /activities - try to reward and it ends up going pear shaped!

 

We do try the calm down approach - but doesnt react well to being asked to move there - swearing, throwing items....wont stay and read or play quietly - just trashes resources or lashes out at nearby children and it gets worse if adults attempt to enforce. Theres only so much you can do to encourage a child to stay somewhere and usually it ends up escalating the situation...adults regularly get hit too.

 

The child is relatively calm when they are playing on their own or when adult is playing directly with them and constantly supporting interactions...needs something to occupy them (mentally or physically) all the time - hard work! Other key children are obviously losing out on that attention though.

 

I think I could try the collecting items towards a reward...and maybe the sharing book ... see what happens.

So glad its holidays soon!

 

Thanks again.

[Deb]

Our little boy doesn't like to go to the book corner to calm down either at times. However, I get down to his level, calmly and quietly tell him that there will be no playing until he calms down. So far this has worked giving him time to calm down, adults thinking space, and giving the message to the other children that this behaviour is not acceptable because otherwise we get copy cat behaviour.

 

Like you I worry about all the other children's needs not being met.

 

Roll on the end of term!

[louby loo]

 

Roll on the end of term!

 

Couldn't agree more!

 

I definitely think 'summer fever' is here early this year........... we are getting a lot of our 'this is our last term' behaviour already.

[SazzJ]

Some great advice offered already but I am thinking could there be some underlying issue that could be contributing to her behaviour. I had a child like this last summer be it for only 5 weeks but I was so glad to get back to my playgroup at the end of it.

 

Can you get some support from an Early Years Advisor or SENCO (local authority one)? We have some great support next works here. If we have concerns we complete a grid that we need to complete in order to refer a child for support. It allows you to see a a quick glance what a child is doing well at and where they are struggling in.