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Advice Needed On A Few Behavioural Issues Please?


SazzJ
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Hi everyone

 

I have a few behavioural issues at present that I would appreciate some advice on. This may be long as I have three different issues so sorry in advance.

 

Case 1

 

I have a 2 years and 6 months. He is the youngest in the group with the next child to him being 2 years and 7 months so not a huge difference. However he is very aggressive in his play and his behaviour towards his peers. He is very difficult to understand verbally and I know this is where some frustrations lie. Now he'll go around hitting and kicking his peers, screaming in there faces and will even use toys to hit them. A lot of his peers are very scared of him because the don't know how he will react when he goes near them. Now twice this week I have two different parents approach me and explain that there children have said that they are scared of him. This I have witnessed with one child as he is very timid and when he goes near him I can see him flinching. This child has on occassions hit him back. At home time he tears around the hall often hitting his peers and mum never responds. One of the parents has said that she will mention it to her if she sees him hitting etc and mum said that is fine.

 

Now we have tried to speak to mum on a number of occassions and her usual response is ohh well he is independent. This is not independence though and up until this week (he joined us in Sept) he would often throw himself on the floor and kick and scream and bang his head of the floor. He does this at home too. However when you went near him he would lash out (being pregnant i wouldn't take the risk) and he has on occassions left marks on the staff.

 

I remind him gently to play nice and explain that his friends don't like it when he hits them, I have tried the thinking spot but he then refuses to say sorry. I really don't know what to do with him. Mum is now blaming her and dad splitting (4 weeks ago) however we have noticed no improvement in his behaviour ( other than no longer throwing himself on the floor) nor has it got any worse. He has been this way since September.

 

I just don't know what else to do. Any advice please?

 

Case 2

 

We have a child who is 3 and 5 months. He joined us in September and as a 3 year old has faced a lot in a few short months. He started playgroup (difficulties settling but we got there in the end to the point where he was begging mum to come in on his days off) his granddad died and he gained a sister (All in 2 months) now he has been fantastic but recently has started to display aggression towards his peers. Mum has also shared with me that he spits in her face, hits and kicks her too. Now she admitted she can't follow through with discipline because he won't stay in time out etc. Dad won't tolerate this and he is the only one he responds too.

 

He struggled yesterday to come in and settle happily as he usually would. Mum thought he might have been a little confused as she had said they were going for lunch with a friend. She also said that he had been soiling himself the last week and that she wasn't well ( I think it is more than a bug etc but she didn't say what) Now he screamed when she left but he did let me comfort him (he isn't usually a cuddly child) and after half an hour was happy enough to go and play. He wasn't upset the whole half an hour, probs only for 3 mins but he remained on my knee and we chatted about different things. Now I am aware he has been through a lot and is probably very angry however I am not sure how to best advise mum on the time out if he is spitting in her face etc.

 

Also do we ignore the soiling or do we say something to him? I will try and speak to mum tomorrow to find out if he knows she is ill or not and what impact this is having on his behaviour at home.

 

Any advice please would again be appreciated.

 

Case 3

 

I have a child who joined us in September and he is 3 in March. He has delayed speech and language difficulties but he has recently had an op and new words he is pronouncing correctly and we are repeating old words correctly to him when he says them.

 

However my concern here is his eating. Mum has said he is a picky eater and will eat lots of fruit. When he first started he prefered to sit alone and has recently started sitting with his friends. However we have noticed that whatever we have be it toast (quatered) or pitta bread sliced he doesn't take small bites and puts the whole thing in his mouth. Last week I asked him to take bites from it and even ripped his food up to smalled bits but found he just tried to get even more in his mouth. He even has to use his fingers to keep it all in because he has that much in his mouth. I am concerned he will choke. He does this at home too. Now this week he refuses to eat snack. And mum said she stopped him choking on some bacon at the weekend and has reminded him to take small bites too and he has refused food at home too.

 

I have never had this problem before and don't even know where to start with advice for us and for mum. Have suggested she contacts her Health Visitor but she has never seen her she said.

 

Can anyone please give some hints and tips and what we should do please?

 

Thank you if you have got this far. If you can't offer advice on all 3 cases then please don't worry. I would appreciate any advice no matter how small on any of them.

 

Many thanks

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cor Sazz are you sure you haven't been in my setting today! ok here goes for my tuppenceworth!

mister 1....why is he doing this? have you done an abc chart to try and work out the reasons...is this a turn taking issue? Have you refered to SALT or not at that point yet? suspect some of this is frustration. I would be suporting play as much as poss try to reward as much positive as poss and ignore what bad behaviour you can. I don't use time out for the under 3's i dont think it is very effective but i will remove toys if needed. I also ensure the offended child is dealt with first and made a fuss of while the offendee is kept close by me. If i have to say No i will make it clear /look cross and add the makaton sign for it too this emphasises the fact it is bad behaviour. Good behaviour is rewarded with praise/singing/stickers/happy dances!! anything that works for that child. Mum needs to be told clearly that if she wants her child to have friends then it would be a good idea for him to play well with them!! also if this is a waiting issue can he arrive early or late so that he is not hanging around and getting into mischief.

mister 2 rewards for keeping clean (if he has been clean before he should be ok maybe just needs time to get back into sink with some TLC and a bit of encouragement. also if he is soiling himself i would get him to change himself(not his bottom ! :o ) and emphasise that he is missing out on play and if he goes on the loo it wouldn't take so long ...sticker next time if you do it in the loo(or game ...or ???) Need more info from Mum re home situation. I'd be inclined to get her to walk away from the spitting...one of those things that seems to get worst if you respond.

Number 3....what op did he have? Tonsils?...need more info

(sorry you've probably thought of all of this already ....i really empathise today xD )

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I wish I'd never had the food stuffing... My 8 yr old son was holding food in his mouth the other day to stop it coming out though my 16 yr old nephew doesn't do it anymore ;-) Any children we've had at preschool with issues about what they're putting or not putting in their mouths have signs that suggest they are somewhere on the Autistic Spectrum, though the diagnosis may be a long time coming (nephew's was when in yr 6, & we're still waiting for my son.

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Number 3 had gromets (sp) put in.

 

Overall he interacts well but we have asked mum to get his legs checked out as they seemed to be bowed and he wobbles a lot on them. He is constantly in your face when talking to him but for me it seems like he just trying to hear you as this has improved since Christmas.

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No. 1 - Mom says 'independence' and for that I read 'no boundaries'. He's young, its a fairy new setting for him with new adults and new equipment and lots of others to share things with so for now I'd just give very a firm NO with a short explanation of how we behave and lots of smiles and praise when he's doing things right. He might settle down when he realises there are boundaries to stick to.

 

No. 2 - I'd guess its having a baby taking moms attention off him that could be the cause of the problem. Obviously grandad dying wont have helped, he'll have picked up on the upset of the adults so maybe some books to read in quiet or if you dont want to single him out, something at circle time about feelings, sad, angry, jealous.

I like finsleymaids idea of letting him clean himself up, no pressure, no chat about why he's soiling just straight forward no nonsense 'here's a towel, hurry up so we can play again'

 

No. 3 -I dont know anything about eating disorders but could you sit near him at snack and give him one small piece of food at a time? Maybe he needs to be schooled in how to eat slowly?

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Am very interested to know what the abc chart is and what is SALT? I have never heard of them before but would love to know more information please.

 

 

ABC chart = Antecedents - Behavior - Consequences our form was usually 3 columns with these titles and filled in over a period of time, reviewed and then hopefully some form of a way to proceed to deal with the issues noted..

 

 

 

more information can be found here and here

 

also found this one with a form

Edited by Inge
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has he had his tonsils and adenoids checked? are they bad too? if so then swollowing may be the issue or chewing as this pulls at the back of the throat and can cause irritation/become uncomfortable

 

He has no problem when he does eat. It's the amount he puts in there. It doesn't matter how large the piece of food is he will ensure his cheeks are stuffed and then needs to use his fingers to stop it falling out.

 

He isn't eating now because I keep telling him to take little bites so think he is confused. Eve

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ABC chart = Antecedents - Behavior - Consequences our form was usually 3 columns with these titles and filled in over a period of time, reviewed and then hopefully some form of a way to proceed to deal with the issues noted..

 

 

 

more information can be found here and here

 

also found this one with a form

We have an extra 'C'column for 'Communication', what is the child trying to tell us with his behaviour. Very useful for analysing triggers

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Case 2

 

I managed to have a good chat with mum. She is suffering from post natal depression. Oldest son is 5 and half and he spends a lot of time calling mum names, saying she is no good, hitting, biting, kicking etc. As a result youngest is copying too.

 

The boys know mum is not well - she said she's told them she has a bad head. Her mum is up to help out but her oldest hates her.

 

Mum is going to try behaviour charts for both boys and make a fuss of positive behaviour and ignore negative

She is going to try and make some one to one time with the eldest (20 to 30mins where she can, hopefully daily)

Make a memory book with boys to remember grandad.

 

We are going to discuss feelings and do some work around that.

 

She just seems very run down and the boys telling her she is a rubbish mum is not helping her at all

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Is the mum with PDN getting support from her GP? Medication might not be what she wants, but that, together with some kind of talking therapy might help her to see the wood for the trees whilst she's feeling so low.

 

Is she accessing a Children's Centre do you know - there is lots of support on offer there both for her and her child. Poor woman - my heart goes out to her.

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It sounds as if these boys, especially the older one, is confused by mom not being the usual, normal mom and he's reacting in the only way a child can. He hates mom being ill, he doesnt understand it because mom's are always there, always capable, never need to explain pains and ask for help.

They sound very confused and although mom thinks its helping by explaining how she feels I dont think its helping at all really. Poor lads

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From what I can gather this is not new behaviour for either of the boys. This has been going on for a while now and is progressively getting worse.

 

As far as I am aware mum is getting support. Mum lost her dad only a month before she had the baby.

 

 

In Jan we had a trip to a local chinese resturante for chinese new year. Now he was wasn't very nice to his friends in the resturante and made them cry by pushing them and hitting them. However what was interesting was that while he was carrying out this behaviour he continously watched mum for her reaction.

 

We never had problems at nursery other not always wanting to share.

 

Mum doesn't follow through with discipline because she says neither will stay.

 

I have suggested she needs rules and she needs to be consistent and strong with her discipline too.

 

Will try the ABC chart for case 1 but i suspect that mum does not want to take responsibility. He's been coming to our setting 5 days a week since September

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