thumperrabbit Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 We always stress to parents about how valuable it is staying with their children if they are unsettled, and to just 'go with the flow' for when to leave them some children settle straight away some don't We ask parents how long they want us to try to pacify the child before we call them in should they leave them a little unsettled. For parents who work together with us this works a treat, and the children will soon settle. BUT is it just us? we seem to be getting more and more mums who find it very annoying to be called because their child is distraught. we have even over heard a mum saying today that she is paying us to look after her child, she shouldn't be called out!! It was the child's 2nd session and we tried to pacify for well over an hour and she was just getting more and more hysterical and making other children cry in the process. There's no pleasing some at all is there? all we want is happy children, it makes every ones life much easier!! Rant over Wondered if someone would be willing to share their settling in policy & procedures please? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Oh dear it is difficult isn't it - you have my full sympathy... I haven't really experienced too many problems with this - mind you I was completely flabberghasted a few years back when I rang a mum whose child was unwell - she said "Well, I'm really not available" - can you believe it? What I find difficult is parents who 'faff about' and take far too long saying goodbye - I have my suspicions that their child crying sometimes fufills a 'need' of their own - I'm talking about children that have settled well and just need a 'goodbye have a lovely time' type parting...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 To be honest Thumperrabbit, we offer much the same as you do. We had one child first week who really didn't like the fact that he had been left, but out of the 3 mornings he came the 3rd was sooooo much better and by week 2 he was a delight! I don't know the answer - but I have been very fortunate in my staff, I have had a couple over the years and one at the moment that just seem to have an incredible knack of putting children at their ease and engaging with them. I will put my hand up and say I would appear to be absolutely rubbish at it and yet don't appear to do anything different from these members of staff! I must give off vibes. We don't ask much of the children to begin with at sessions, i.e. there is no register time or hello circle, they come in and can immediately get on and play and I do think that goes part way to easing them in. As regards parents expecting us to just take onboard an upset child all morning it beggars belief that they could show such little concern for their child. I, thankfully, haven't come across that one yet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louby loo Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 We seem to have good years and bad years - thankfully so far this year has been good. A few years back we had one parent that asked for a refund on her settling period......... never mind the fact the child had almost total 1-2-1 care for the whole of the time + the time she faffed around asking questions(we'd already been over many times) etc again taking yet another staff member 'off the floor'. She actually worked out to the minute how much she was due back!! Ended on a positive though as the child soon became one of our most settled and well loved member of our little community! ............that said if he was ever off sick- even when fully funded mum would always ask for 'extra hours' to make up for time missed!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) We offer a really flexible approach to settling. The parent stays on the first session to fill in forms and chat to key person then they can leave on subsequent sessions if they feel their child is ok, if not, they can stay playing, pottering about, making drinks for staff. We usually tell if the parent is staying for their own needs and then we help them to leave. We phone if a child is too distressed for us to calm and then try to work with the parent on maybe staying again for a bit longer. I used to slip the parent a packet of biscuits and then tell the child mom will be back, shes gone shopping for snack In most cases we leave it up to the parent if they stay or go to start with and work with their decision. Thats basically what our policy says. I did have a mom many years ago who stamped her feet at me when I showed through the window that her child was playing quiet happily and not crying anymore. She stamped her feet and said 'but I want her to cry!' You cant help 'em all Edited September 23, 2011 by Rea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I did have a mom many years ago who stamped her feet at me when I showed through the window that her child was playing quiet happily and not crying anymore. She stamped her feet and said 'but I want her to cry!' You cant help 'em all That was the point that I was trying to make - :wacko: have to say none of them have actually said "but I want her to cry" but I have certainly heard them comment to each other "oh, it's hard when they just don't care about being left" - give me strength! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I suppose we must accept that the children very often don't come to us because their parents feel it is the right thing for them, the next stage they can go through, but it is to give the parents free time. The most repeated phrase I hear is, yes but if I stay he/she will expect me to stay every day and for some parents the need to be needed is too great. All part of the job getting everyone settled! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueJ Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 We now have an agreed settling in plan written up for those children that parents flag up as perhaps having settling in problems or for those children that we find won't settle which (touch wood) seems to help as both the setting and the parents know what they are doing. The plan details how long parent is going to stay and whether they are going to leave for a while and return later in the session or come back early etc. and how we will deal with child that is upset. It is v. flexible and is reviewed at least weekly. Usually only have a couple of bespoke plans on the go at once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 That was the point that I was trying to make - :wacko: have to say none of them have actually said "but I want her to cry" but I have certainly heard them comment to each other "oh, it's hard when they just don't care about being left" - give me strength! The day the little girl ran to me and mom hoding her hair bobble was classic. The little girl stopped in front of us, hesitated and then handed the bobble to me to put back in. Moms face was a picture! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thumperrabbit Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 We offer a really flexible approach to settling. The parent stays on the first session to fill in forms and chat to key person then they can leave on subsequent sessions if they feel their child is ok, if not, they can stay playing, pottering about, making drinks for staff. We usually tell if the parent is staying for their own needs and then we help them to leave.We phone if a child is too distressed for us to calm and then try to work with the parent on maybe staying again for a bit longer. In most cases we leave it up to the parent if they stay or go to start with and work with their decision. Thats basically what our policy says. This is exactly how we are Rea, but these parents just want to go to the gym, for a run etc we've had no end of excuses this year. If only they'd spend a little quality time helping their little ones to settle, they will reap the rewards. Will just have to put it down to being a bad year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 I think parents see it has their right, not their childs right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I think we've been really lucky in that I can't remember having to call a parent because a child wasn't settling (now touching all the wood I can!) However we have had parents who have been difficult to say the least when their child needs collecting because they don't feel well (and maybe shouldn't have been with us in the first place.) I agree with those who have said that sometimes the parents need more settling in than the child including one at the moment who still isn't sure that the child 'will settle as he's been very clingy this morning.' He had a week of tears when he first joined last term but now comes in every time with a smile on his face and joins in the play. Rachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hello Kitty Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 We haven't had parents not wanting to stay thankfully - we have the reverse... ones that won't leave! We have one little boy who started in June and didn't settle straight away and became quite upset at lunchtime. So we suggested to mum that she come early the next day to spend lunch time with him so he would then leave happy and not upset if you see what I mean. She did this. The next day he started to cry when she went to go so... she took him home! She phoned the next day to say she was going to leave it until September To be honest I wish more would leave it until September rather than rush them in the second they turn 2 years 9 months, even if it is nearly the end of term. They then have 6 weeks off and have to start again He did come back with mum AND dad. Dad went, mum stayed asking him every few minutes if she could go! Eventually he would say yes or she would sneak out when he was happy. We don't approve of that as it just adds to those feelings of insecurity doesn't it? Well after a few days of this Dad got cross and told mum she had to leave him! He is absolutely fine once she has gone and if he has a wobble is quickly consoled. Last week a little girl started and cried a lot. That was it, back to square one. Mum maintained it was upsetting for the boy and took him home again. Hasn't been back as he is apparently ill and refusing to get dressed. Sigh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 That was the point that I was trying to make - have to say none of them have actually said "but I want her to cry" but I have certainly heard them comment to each other "oh, it's hard when they just don't care about being left" - give me strength! :wacko: I'm laughing reading this as one of my minded children has just started pre-school sessions in the afternoons. She went to the 1 hour Induction with Mum and Dad, and they were expected to stay for the duration... it ran on to nearly 2 hours which they'd taken out of work. They were concerned that it gave C the impression they, or I, would stay with her each day. We were all apprehensive on the 1st day. C has been with me full-time since she was 5 months old... Dad and I went together so I could be introduced to the staff. C went happily off to play after a hug and a kiss and we said we'd both be back to fetch her. At hometime she declined the chance to go home with Daddy and wanted instead to come with me to fetch my daughter from 6th Form. 2nd day, hug, kiss, goodbye.... 3rd day - a casual wave across the room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must admit to feeling a bit of a pang Just goes to show that when they're ready for the next step they take it all in their little strides!!! Nona Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inge Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 and on the other side.. I was so embarrassed when collecting my son 3 , to have to pick him up and carry him out kicking and screaming because he wanted to stay! turned our he had completed a floor puzzle at preschool that day and as he had the same one at home thought it was his and didn't want to leave it behind! Took all the way home (walking, no pushchair) and finding the puzzle at home to redo to calm him down! have had several children do this though at home time, hide so they cannot be collected, scream at parent collecting, all sorts, so can work both ways.. always felt bad for the parent collecting the screaming child because they wanted to stay.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Goodness me. I think some parents have mistaken preschool for a left luggage service. Grrrrrrr. As a parent who has settled dd1 into preschool, nursery, reception, and dd2 into preschool and nursery, you do feel a little pang when they settle well. But I am glad for it - it doesn't mean they don't love me, it means they are confident and assured little girls who have had positive experiences without me, and that I have chosen the settings well if they are so happy there. It is much harder when they cry, then you feel sad and mean. I have had to peel dd2 off me and onto a member of staff and leave. It is horrible, but I knew that within 5 minutes she would be playign quite happily and not needing me at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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