Aaarrrggghh

[Guest]

I cant cope! Worklife and home life balance is sooo wrong...I am the manager of our nursery and was employed two years ago to manage the team doing 22 hours - I have a good deputy - however I have harldy ever worked a 22 hour week...we have had a series of things go wrong (personal cicrumstances for staff) and I am still working 37-40 hours a week - I cant find a way out....I love my job but I am soooo burnt out and not doing half the things I need to at home for my own five children.....I feel I am stuck in a rut ...when people ask how I am doing I say fine.....and I do everything for work.....the parents are sooo pleased with how I do things that I feel I cant let them down yet I am failing my family....by not having any energy left for them....I have never posted from work and as I type it is with trepidation as I know I need to be back on the floor, I am having my 20 mins break...which I hardly ever take...I know fool to myself....but I find it so difficult to let some staff get on with it because I know their heart is not in it and they chat - another issue ! aaarrrggggghhhh lunch time rant over...I will log on later for some empathic kindred spiritual replies ..I hope..... thanks for reading and listening....

 

I feel so tied to this job - the committee are paying one member of staff compassionate leave full pay and we have a temporary practitioner in.. no existing staff will work more than they are contracted to do.....so many issues really..too many to put on here....guess I am just calling out to you

I had to let a staff member go home today as her daughter is having trouble at school....and I thought ....what about my family...I am so empathic and supportive of all the staff's problems....but they all have soooo many ..I am drained with it all...

Edited February 2, 2011 by Guest

[Upsy Daisy]

Blimey Shirel you can't sustain this!

 

Where is your deputy?

Edited February 2, 2011 by Upsy Daisy

[Greenfinch]

Oh Shirel - couldn't read and run. If you read your post back, i think you already know what you should do...

If you were nearer I'd offer you a job!

It's a new year... maybe time to put yourself and your family first. I know that's easier said than done and I don't know all your circumstances and a job's a job etc but I bet you'd never look back.

As I always say - life is too short..

Take care

x

[Rea]

Do the committee understand how you're having to work and the issues surrounding some staff?

Do the staff realise how much you're doing and how their behaviour in the setting and their unwillingness to work outside their contracted hours is impacting you? Probably not if you're telling everyone you're fine. I used to do the same while all the time I knew I wasnt fine, it leads to stress, jobs undone and family thinking you've lost the plot. It also led me to being really argumentative with everyone and anyone. I look back on that time and its like a fog is over everything. I wasnt able to think straight because there was no straight, everything was up in the air because I couldnt spend time focusing long enough on one thing.

Please tell someone. Have a good heart to heart with someone who can help you to change things. You say the parents are pleased with how things are, would they be quite so pleased if they knew what it was doing to you?

[purplewednesday1]

..... and breathe ...... xxx

 

Now, if it were me... and I am a great one for making a list I would be looking at my job description and working out which bits I do actually do and then writing a list of all the other things I do. I would then cut out at least half of the extras - only half because some of the extras might be things you actually like doing and don't mind doing (like displays or making 'special books').

 

I would also arrange to talk to someone on your committee and put them in the picture, honestly. There is no point in them taking you for granted if all that happens is you burn out and leave ... they need to understand that better you do less but stay than you throw in the towel because you have no support.

 

I would share my list with the committee and explain exactly why some of the things aren't going to be happening any more. So much in childcare is done in our own time, because we like to that sometimes we overload ourselves with the extra bits and lose sight of why we wanted to do the job in the first place.

 

I would also plan some nice things to do with the family at the weekend that don't involve work!

 

..... and more deep breathing .... chin up chicken xxx

 

pwx

[sunnyday]

Oh Shirel........couldn't possibly read and run......

 

Some great advice already........and clearly you know for yourself that you can't possibly go on like this - nor should you be expected too......

 

Peggy made a fantastic post last week - can't remember which thread it was in - I will have a look and see if I can find it - basically she was talking about work 'taking over' - it really made me think........I have a tendency to put work first and her words made such sense to me.......

 

Please talk to your committee - they must find a way to help you.....

 

Take care - a big virtual hug from me x

[Inge]

I too could not read and run..

 

You have managed to overcome so much since taking over the job and from what i remember the committee were supportive when you started, so think it is time to have a think and work out what you can hand back or over to someone else .

 

Purplewednesdays idea of a list is a good one... makes you focus on what you do and what you would like to do.. and a meeting with the Chair of the committee explaining why you need more support... and perhaps a solution on how they could help... any chance of another staff member to release you at work a bit more.. or administrator to do all the boring stuff.. or hand all that back to the committee to do if there are no funds , things are tight for all these days.

 

Your family needs to come first.. the setting will survive if things are not done... so long as the children are supervised and happy and safe . (Bit like my housework - it will still be there tomorrow, and next year but the children grow up and leave so fast they took priority)

 

Time to stop being fine and start the I need help. You have come a long way and now need to reflect on the good you have done and how you can change more to make it manageable.

[Sue R]

Loads of good things already - please do something, you will just make yourself ill and then NO ONE will have the benefit of your skills, empathy etc.

 

Great big hugs to you

 

(((xxx)))

[Panders]

Hope you take heed of all this good advice Shirel - if you could read your own post as if it were from another member on here I'm sure you would be giving the same advice to them - get some help this situation can't carry on, I think you said it was your Deputy that was off with personal problems so things must seem even worse at the moment for you all and on a better day it would be easier to say, this will not go on forever and things will get better, but really you need to be active in making things better for good.

 

Of course your parents love what you do - but they have little idea of what that costs you to do it - how could they know? They would I am sure, wish you to do a little less if they felt you would have a better work:life balance though.

[SazzJ]

Shirel I could have wrote that post myself and I am currently attempting to pluck up the courage to explain it to them.

 

I have no home life at all and it can't go on. Goodluck

[Posy]

Hug from me Shirel, be kind to yourself.

 

Posyx

[Guest]

Big hugs from me too. I know how hard you have worked to get this setting working as a team with you. Are things any better ow on that front? I only ask because when I had to slow myself down a couple of years ago I was feeling quite similar to you. I eventually told the team what was going on and they nearly fell over themselves to take roles on for a short time at least. They had left me doing things as they felt I preferred it that way and because they didn't truly realise how much I was doing. Most importantly though put yourself first.

[redjayne]

Lots of really good advice here, lists and what you are taking on with timings etc are always good as they are your proof when you go to the committee and explain that you can't go on as things are. Sounds as if your committee are just assuming that things with you are ok , because that is the impression you are giving them, byputting a brave face on and wanting to not let people down. As others have said, if you fall flat on your face due to the stress what will they all do then ?

 

Maybe present then with a list of the hours you have been working , with the things that either they or other staff can take on highlighted, and sounds as if it's time to have a serious chat with your staff too, pointing out that there's no I in team, and they need to support you and be a bit more flexible.

 

Good Luck and take care

[blondie]

think you eed to take a new look at your situation - obviously the work/life balance is totally wrong - you need to speak to someone at work or you will end up either burnt out or unwell. x

[Guest]

Hi Shirel

 

Only just saw this, (((hugs))) from me as well. Someone once gave me a saying, which I always tried to remember when I was teaching and doing about a million hours a week:

 

"Good enough is good enough."

 

When your job is working with children, there will always be more you COULD do, but you MUST know when to say 'no'.

 

You need to practise the art of selfish altrusim - thinking of yourself so that you are in a position to help the others who need and deserve you, i.e. your own children first before anything else.

 

Suzie xx

[cei]

Hello,

 

I haven't spoken to you before but I wanted to offer a little advice as I have been where you are now. I joined a preschool back in 1998 on a "part time" basis and threw myself into the role with a passion, soon becoming the manager. My children were 4 and 7 and they understood mummy had a new job. Time has come and gone and regrets are many. As I am repeatedly told by my now teenagers " You never came to our assemblies", "You never came to our sports days", "You never came to see us in the concerts" and they are right. I put everyone elses families ahead of my own and now I have miissed out on a lot of memories. It wasn't until I lost my father just over 4 years ago that I realised how much I had missed out on and although my job was and is important to me so is my home life and family. You just have to make sure you have the right balance. Speak to your committee and let them know how you feel, they may be able to help more.

 

Sorry this is quite a heavy note for a first introduction but I just felt I needed to share this with you. Don't get me wrong, I still love my job, but you do have to prioritise....... family first.

 

Cei

[Guest]

Don't get me wrong, I still love my job, but you do have to prioritise....... family first.

 

And that, in a nutshell, is what we should all strive to remember!!

 

Cei, please don't beat yourself up over it... I took up childminding so that I could be there every day before and after school for my daughter. She's now 16 but still reminds me of the very rare events I missed rather than the many (many!!! ) I sat through....

 

and Shirel, I can only quote Peggy's wise words to you and hope you'll speak up and take the time you need for you and your family...

 

"Please stop for one minute and think of this.... If you were a car your red light would be flashing, DANGER, low fuel. EVERY bit of work you do today will deplete the fuel level further. Travel in a slow lower gear and the small amount of fuel left may take you a little further, BUT inevitably the fuel will run out and you will stop. Where will you be when this happens, at work where the children and staff depend on you? Can you really judge when you will come to a standstill? Because, like the car, it is inevitable that you will. As well as food, REST is the fuel we need too. You cannot deny yourself this important fuel or the inevitable will happen. As with cars, if we consistently run on the red, the quality of performance depletes, all the gunk of life accumulates and dredges through our system. To perform at our best we need a FULL tank of energy (fuel). Think about this, for yourself and others, plan one day a week at the very least for re-fuel. Your car never finds reasons not to refuel because there are none, neither should you."

 

Take care and be kind to yourself!

 

Nona x

[dublinbay]

Lots of very good advice by some of your best friends on the forum Shirel.

 

We have followed all the trials and tribulations of this job as well as the great ideas and inspirations you have brought to it over the past couple of years Shirel but I think it's time to prioritise the most important things in your life.....you, your health and your lovely family. Please don't wait until you "run out of fuel" (Peggy's words quoted by Nona). Take some time off, your committee will just have to take the brunt of this and find someone to step in. Speak out and bring your problems out into the open.........but please do this as soon as possible before things get more on top of you.

 

We are all thinking of you and wishing you well. Lots of hugs Shirel x