Buttercup Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 i have a 14 yr old 11 yr old and 5 yr old. The two older children are treating this house as a hotel. Little one gets up, I get up then 11yr old then 14 yr old about 10.00 by this time breakfast has been ate and cleared away. house tided up. so it then starts all over again when 14 yr old gets up. if i ask her to put away her stuff I just get 'i was going to do it' when dressed they are then in and out for food or the toilet which then upsets little one because she wants to go with them. My son has the same routine out the front playing ball 10 mins then trampoline 10 mins then playstation until i turf him off and it starts all over again. They both want pocket money and i have said no unless they do jobs eg empty dishwasher, make a cup of tea not too taxing this lastest a week but they had to be asked to do it. Wanted to go to cinema but had no money this then caused more upset. Am I expecting too much and is this what teenagers are like. fed up after week one of hols not acheived much still loads of paperwork to do cannot get motivated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I've had pretty much the same conversation in my house this week, only my son is 18!!! Had a family meeting, all aired our grievances, I said there's 3 (me, son, daughter 21) of us living in this house so we have to get on and respect each other and the house etc. He does treat is loke a hotel, up, work, pub, bed, up, work, pub, bed, etc!!! Clearing the air seems to have worked, would that work with your 2 do you think?? I always remember my mum telling me that the most important person in a teenagers life is................them!!! And although it is incredibily frustrating if you bear this in mind it does help!!! Count to 10 and keep chocolate in the fridge (it might just save you from commiting murder!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 oh this sounds sooooo familiar ... my 18 year old is trying the patience of a saint at the moment.... soooo much lip.... even started using bad language which i have never alllowed.... yesterday i asked him to do something... and he had the usual reply yes later...... this kept happening...... 4 hours later i gave a speeach about how we all need to help around the house and his reply was "i don't give a sh....T".... i was horrified... i then gave him a speaking too about his language which then just made things worse and him storming out......saying i was picking on him...aghhhhh!!!!! I do like that line janny that the most important person in a teeenagers life is them.... i'll have to remember that one..... I'm hoping it will improve soon as he also doesn't seem to be getting on with his father at the moment and being in between them is soooo hard....... Good Luck Buttercup.........it might just help knowing your not alone!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katekit Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 It's a good job we love them! I have teenage girls who are marvelous company one minute and witches the next, they behave themselves out of the house though and at school so I can't have it all ways. Isn't there some scientific research that says 'teenagers' have to go through this stage of development - sleeping, slobbing etc? Bribery helps in our house, we could always do what we do at school - stickers, claps, WOW walls but I don't think it would work that well at home do you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gezabel Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 oh this sounds sooooo familiar ... my 18 year old is trying the patience of a saint at the moment.... soooo much lip.... even started using bad language which i have never alllowed.... yesterday i asked him to do something... and he had the usual reply yes later...... this kept happening...... 4 hours later i gave a speeach about how we all need to help around the house and his reply was "i don't give a sh....T".... i was horrified... i then gave him a speaking too about his language which then just made things worse and him storming out......saying i was picking on him...aghhhhh!!!!! Oh gosh I can identify with this but have to say I am sitting here having 'come out the other side' As some of you know my four lads are all grown up now (26yrs-30yrs) but I do remember the 'hotel days' and how it nearly drove me to distraction! A common response when being asked to do anything was 'I'll do it in a minute..' - funny how 'the minute' never seemed to materialise. When I 'dared' to question their attitude/language etc I was often asked to 'get off my back' or another one was 'you're always on my back'. My response was always the same, 'Yes I am on your back and I don't like it any more than you do BUT you keep putting me there!! We laugh about those days now but at the time it was very real and I found it a bit of a nightmare too! If I could have my 'teenage mum' time again (as in mum to teenagers!!!) I wouldn't get so stressed about it all, in the great scheme of things it's just a phase. I also knew, back then, that though they were being *!*!*!*!*'s at times, underneath they were each a kind, thoughtful, well adjusted, considerate person but all the nice bits seemed to be overshadowed by the 'hotel treatement', attitude, grunts instead of speech and a seeming lack of ability to hold a civilised conversation!! Repeat after me.. it's just a phase, it's just a phase!!! Being in the middle between teenagers/Dads is also a tough place to be but again it does get better, luckily that 'phase' was very brief indeed in this house and only related to one of the lads and his Dad - it was really a case of being so alike they clashed but it was short lived. Sending you all 'positive coping with teenagers' vibes and hope it all gets better soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 aaahhh the teen years... at 17 I was given the line- "But mum! I wasn't brought up to do chores- how can you expect me to remember to turn off lights and remember keys when that just isn't part of what makes me me... and anyway- when did you TEACH me about these things- you've only got yourself to blame...???" She left home a week later and moved in with the boyfriend, finished her A'levels and went off to uni... my second favourite line from her was a phone call in the middle of the night about 6 months later..."mum, I'm really worried about the wind- what if it blows down the tree- will my insurance cover it?" hideous moments are what makes them finally realise the good ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I agree with the "in a minute"! I started using it and said "be warned my minutes are longer than yours". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Oh ladies......I know exactly where you're coming from....... But like Geraldine my sons are grown.........and what wonderful young man they grew into! Those teenage years were at times just AWFUL I can clearly remember wondering who these STRANGERS were that were living in our house - they couldn't possibly be my lovely boys! As Geraldine says 'it's just a phase - it will be over before you know it - honest! Have to say there is a little wicked part of me that can't wait to watch them deal with their children when they are teengers!.......a few years to go yet....but if they dare to complain to me....I shall have some stories to tell!!! If I can offer any advice it would be......try and keep calm - easier said than done I know! Take comfort in knowing that we have all 'been there' and 'come out the other side'! Sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Well I guess reading this that we were incredibly lucky! Neither I nor any of my 3 siblings were stroppy teenagers, nor my husband or his sister, and whether those genes are transmutable I don't know, but my two were great. We had no shouting no sulking no slamming doors etc. Of course there were 'things' like dirty washing festering and plates and cups that transported themselves to under beds etc, but they were no bother really, I loved having them about and I really miss their company now they've grown and left the nest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 dont you love them - my favourite saying now to mums with toddlers is - 'it dosnt get any better when they are teenagers!!!!! have to say i have very good children (or teens) always have been - but i do think now they are 14 and 17 im worrying about them more!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 What lovely positive replies; there is a light at the end of the tunnel!! I do sometimes forget that lurking beneath the attitude, long hair and "its all about me" there is a caring and considerate son; and I shouldn't because when he shows this side he really is lovely; for example a couple of weeks ago I was privileged to be in a crowd of people welcoming the 8 lost soldiers home from Afghanistan, my "its all about me son" rang me a few times during the wait to see if I was ok as he knew it would upset me terribly! Afterwards I felt the need to go and give him a hug but he was at work in the local supermarket and didnt think he'd let me, when he saw me in the shop he bent down (he's 6 foot and I'm 5 foot 3) and gave me a big hug infront of everyone!! Very unlike him!! So next time when he responds with "in a minute" or "later" or "whatever" I MUST try to remember that incredibly lovely moment and realise that occasionally (VERY occasionally) he does think of someone other than himself, and put all the nasty thoughts about him behind me!!!!! Gosh its tough being a mum of teenagers!!!! But we are blessed (I think!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gezabel Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I loved having them about and I really miss their company now they've grown and left the nest. I sometimes think I would give anything to be able to shout up the stairs 'turn the music down!' or be able to walk into the bathroom and find wet towels, to see a lack of crockery/cutlery in the kitchen and know it is festering in a bedroom somewhere, probably with half a left over pizza! I still have one at home and though he is the 'boomerang son' I know he will one day fly the nest permanently and until then I make the most of having him around. I find my mother/son relationship changes over time and what I share with my sons now is just how I always dreamed it would be in spite of the few rocky roads along the journey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Yes, this is a lovely, positive thread for all those 'going through it'. I, too have come out the other side - am I the only one that remembers my daughter as being the REAL nightmare - my son was just beginning compared to her!!! I remember many evenings that the there'd be a knock at the door and when we got there it was just her, 'trollied' in a Sainsbury's trolley! (is that where the expression comes from, I wonder?) Now, I'm glad she had friends who saw her home safe, but then I was beside myself...and the time she nearly got sent home from a German exchange trip ! Thay are both smashing young people now Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inge Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I too came out the other side and have found the young man who is pleasant company, thoughtful and kind.. I did have a fairly good time as he was involved in St John ambulance, which did give him a lot of new experiences and ways to look at things. but we did have all the usual at home, banging doors and the in a minute.. 8 hours later! we found that we had to learn to go with the flow, and not react to the shouting etc. the less we reacted must admit the worse he got for a while... he was trying to get a reaction and once he realised we were not rising to his bait he eventually gave in. I was one chilled out mum, letting him rant and then just walking away. we always gave the jobs, and no job done was no money etc.. some jobs were expected with no reward, others had a reward... no money to go out...it was a long learning curve that we would not give the money until jobs had been completed and If I did them.. I got the money! I did always have the house full of teenegers and comings and goings, and empty frigde all the time.. but really enjoyed the time with them, it goes so fast. I do enjoy when he gets to come home now.. not too often as he works offshore but he always rings for a chat about nothing really and advice, For now it will seem like it will never end... but it does... eventually... Inge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Well I guess reading this that we were incredibly lucky! Neither I nor any of my 3 siblings were stroppy teenagers, nor my husband or his sister, and whether those genes are transmutable I don't know, but my two were great. We had no shouting no sulking no slamming doors etc. Of course there were 'things' like dirty washing festering and plates and cups that transported themselves to under beds etc, but they were no bother really, I loved having them about and I really miss their company now they've grown and left the nest. Ah - that's right ...blame the parents!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Have to say there is a little wicked part of me that can't wait to watch them deal with their children when they are teengers!.......a few years to go yet....but if they dare to complain to me....I shall have some stories to tell!!! I agree Sunnyday - I have been incredibly lucky with my 3 boys, but I do have a few stories to tell when the time comes! I have also promised to spill vats of Ribena over their carpets and furniture when I visit, hide sandwiches etc down the back of radiators and the odd smelly sock in their beds, got to get my own back some how!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gezabel Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I have also promised to spill vats of Ribena over their carpets and furniture when I visit, hide sandwiches etc down the back of radiators and the odd smelly sock in their beds, got to get my own back some how!! Thanks for making me laugh! We 'threatened' to do all sorts once the boys had homes of their own. When we went to visit the first time after one of them had moved in he greeted us with 'go on then, I know you are dying to' and my bemused look was met with 'well for years you have been saying when i have a house of my own you will come round and leave all the lights on' :wacko: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 This has been very funny to read (although I know not funny for everyone who has gone through it!) Going back to the post about the daughter...that is my worry! I have two girls 3 and 5 so they will be going through the teenage years together and that fills me with dread because I remember what I was like as a teenager...drinking, smoking, staying out late - aaaaarrrgggghhhh! what have i let myself in for! Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alison Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 oh its wonderful to hear all those "been there, done that" tales Im lucky to have two teenage girls 16 and 15 my children have jobs to do and they are so slow at getting anything done its infuriating if I go out to work at 8.30 and tell my eldest to get the washing up done while im at work it will still be there when I get home she will finally do it two minutes before I want to dish up the dinner so as fast as its washed up its dirty again!!! and I am ashamed to admit it but some days it just all gets too much and I blow my top and lay the law down that things have got to change and what do they say to me..... "mum is it that time of the month again?????" (evil children!!!! ) the younger one is impossible to get to do chores but she will happily cook dinner if I ask her, it was her birthday last week and she had a Laptop for her birthday and wow already I have been able to say "get your room tidy before tea or Im confiscating the laptop WOW result bedroom tidy better not use it too often though but I will say its about the most effective thing threatning to remove privileges, the older one I simply refuse to drive her to her boyfriends house til her jobs are done "no job - no taxi!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 "There is never a day I haven't been proud of you- It's just I tend to be louder about the other stuff" My favourite quote. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Or "I always love you; its just that sometimes I dont like you!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alison Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 when my children say they dont like me I say "thats ok being a parent is not a popularity contest" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 My girls are 12 and nearly 16. When they were of an age to help with chores while on schoool holidays and I could no longer make it a fun game I introduced the 12 o'clock rule. At the beginning of the holiday we listed all the fun things we'd like to do-some free, some involved a cost, some rain day ideas, hot and sunny ideas etc If they helped me in the morning at 12 o'clock we would do something off the list they'd chosen. Recently thats not worked as the younger one is rarely seen before 11am (under covers torch book reader ) Also they no longer want to feed ducks, make buns, walk to see the horses with bags of carrots Now they want FREEDOM so its become the 3 hour rule. Whatever time they get up they have to socialise and help me for 3 hours . The elder is up by 8am and gets her freedom by 11am.The younger still does not get up before 11am but she knows the expectation is there she will not go out until 2pm. At least it means they are not about together bickering The ONLY thing we have all agreed we want to do is see the Harry Potter film and The Jam-only seems 20 minutes since we were washing dolly clothes in washing up bowls and feeding next doors cat laxatives Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 I have four children aged 6, 11, 12 & 14. I've started the holidays with a list of 'things we'd like to do', 'things we have to do' They each have a 'section' of the house that they are responsible for keeping tidy, Kitchen, play room, hallways (shoe racks etc), and garden. They will spend a week each on each area rotated throughout the hols. The 'littlies' as I call them have verbal encouragement and praise to get their 'chores' done. The older ones I'm scoring with a 'prize' for highest score at the end of the week. This is the first week. The 12 yr old got very 'angry' this morning because his siblings were not putting their shoes away, following discussion with me was "Well, before this week who ued to get angry when shoes were not put away?" ME. I explained the purpose of the chores is so that they learn to 1/ clear up after themselves and not leave it to others. 2/ learn how to actually recognise what needs doing (a skill lacking in every child I think-ie: if you put a pile of rubbish outside their bedroom door they would just step over it, oblivious to it's excistence. :wacko: ). When I said it's normally ME having to clear up or 'nag', not for just one area but the whole house, he said " You chose to have us" (they are foster children) to which point I counted to 10, said I'm sad you feel like that and walked away. It's early days yet but the 14 yr old (very competitive) who's area of responsibility is the play room was found to spend 3 hrs in it on Monday dusting, sorting WII games and video's into neat organized piles etc, and even asked for the Vacuum I have been buying 'extra's' from ebay, ie: an Arsenal T-Shirt, PC games etc, (all less than £5) these will be the rewards. Things I'd buy for them anyway but 'given' as a 'thank you' rather than just handed out as I buy them. I will also give them things, including 'my time' ie: Taxi, etc, for just 'being you'. So some conditional rewards, some unconditional ones too. Peggy ps. I heard the 'I'm bored' thought on day 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 If mine ever said 'bored' I said "Ooh goody - I'll find you something to do!" and it was surprising how quickly they became un-bored! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 well....... i had to think of this thread today.... me and hubby were out and running late, so hubby phones teenage son and asks his to record the grand prix, stating what time it starts etc.... son replies "I'm not stupid you know! No need to speak to me like that" Hubby replies that he is just making sure he knows what time etc and not implying he is stupid.... son then loses it big time on the phone shouting at hubby over the phone..... talk about attitude!!!!!! hubby remains calm and just hangs up!!!!! there a wonderful species these teenagers aren't they..... i had to laugh!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Mine are 13 and 11 - and oh my goodness what attitude. Dad just has to look at my daughter to get a mouthful! I know it's just a phase and find it rather amusing until I'm on the receiving end! I don't give my kids pocket money unless they earn it, but then I pay for the cinema, swimming, magazines etc - I still get the' you're so mean' treatment when I say no to something tho! aaah the joys....just a few more years of it.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Our daughter is 14 and most of the time she's a blessing. Helps with the Littlies when I'm childminding, volunteers at Rainbows as a young leader, babysits for our newly separated friend and bakes chocolate brownies for friends feeling low but then... we mention tidying her bedroom It IS a TIP and drives us (Dad in particular!) NUTS We've now resorted to threatening to confiscate her new (pink!) saxophone and, so far, that seems to work However, I hear her friends talking about their parents - Mums especially - and their arguments, squabbles and hassles and realise we have it easy! She'e even had comments about the fact that she's happy to go out and about IN PUBLIC with me as though that's something amazing It's not, is it....? Nona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dublinbay Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 My 16 year old has a lot of attitude at the moment. She's just done her GCSEs, has a boyfriend, and has said that this this year was the last time she was coming on a family holiday with us. She comes out with........."Stop treating me like a child" and then says something like, "I can't wait until I'm 18 and I can leave home". One wonders where she'll get the money to live away from home. I know it's just a phase but I want my daughter back and not this person who seems like a stranger most of the time and will only speak in a civil manner when she wants money. Can't wait to come through the other end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Totally agree dublinbay and ditto on all-my near 16 year old spoilt the family holiday last week for the same reasons. She was only happy when we went to the rock factory and she rolled her own stick of rock with her initial through adult!!-yeah right whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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