What Now?

[Guest]

After 6 months of raising concerns about their sons delayed development and getting nowhere I gave notice to a family on Friday.

 

During the 6 months I've involved NCMA, Ofsted, my childminding Network, the family Health Visitor, the pre-school senco, the Early Years Specialist Team and still the parents say "he's ok"

 

I have 14+ years experience as a Mum and childminder but this has really knocked my confidence and made me doubt myself and the "gut instinct" that tells me all is not well. The other professionals have backed me but, without parents consent, our hands are tied. Concerns aren't enough to start safeguarding procedures.

 

I've lost sleep, shed tears and spent hours of my own time trying to sort this. Last week Mum quibbled over a payment of £3.50 per week when she picks him up early for swimming and deducted £68.25 from this months invoice! (she backdated it to March) WITHOUT DISCUSSION! In fact she "left" an envelope in my home when she picked her son up!

 

I'm hurt, offended, insulted............... and gave notice!

 

I spent 45 minutes with his Dad, in my home, on Saturday while he tried to get me to reconsider. I won't, as Mum obviously has no respect for me now and would have less (if possible!) if I retract my notice. Dad says "it's just her personality and the way she is, at home and work (accountant)"

 

Now she hasn't sent the little boy for 2 days, even though I reassured Dad that the care and attention he would receive during the notice period would be the same as always. Dad genuinely seemed taken aback that I'd mentioned it, said he didn't doubt it and thanked me for all I'd done for his son until now.

 

I obviously have too much time on my hands now because I'm worrying I've let the little boy down. I feel he's being punished for my decision yet I KNOW this is the right thing for me and my family!!

 

Do I say and do nothing and wait for the text message each day that says he's not coming?

 

Nona

Edited July 7, 2009 by Guest

[sunnyday]

Oh Nona - what a sad story - I don't really know what to say - but I couldn't just read and run.

 

You must stop 'beating yourself up' - you have clearly done everything you could to help this little boy and his family.

 

Take care

Sunnyday

[Cait]

It sounds as if you did everything you could for him and his family. Don't beat yourself up about it. Shame you can't find out where he's going next to give them a 'warning' and all the paperwork you've amassed so they don't have to start at square one again

[Guest]

Thanks both!

 

The Network are looking at how to make sure information is passed with him and, hopefully, the next setting will be given his Learning Journey which has my contact details in.

 

Plus, he's "in the system" because I referred him for Speech and Language Therapy but the waiting list is 24 weeks at present.

 

I also offered to work with his parents and the new setting during my notice period to help with the transition, thinking this might open up some dialogue!

 

Nona

Edited July 7, 2009 by Guest

[Marion]

Are both parents saying "he's ok" or is it coming from mum?

[Inge]

we did find some parents just did not want o believe there was any issues as their child had to be perfect.. nothing you can do about it.. but as a word of experience, do keep all the documents, or copies of them you have for a while, as evidence that you did all you could to get child assessed.

 

Reason.. I worked in a preschool, we noted a child needed additional help / had learning difficulties/ we could not put a finger on it but parents flatly refused anything was wrong... we could not get anything done and moved on to the school who also noted and had same issues but parents refusing all ..

 

2 years later.. yes 2 years.. we had a knock on rthe door.. Ofsted, wanting to discuss why we had not investigated and picked up any issues with the child... parents had complained to them that we had done nothing and not picked anyhting up... you get the gist... seems they suddenly accepted the fact that their child needed help and were now denying anyone had told them.

 

In our case we lucked out as I still had all the paperwork stashed away.. a but of a hoarder me...could pull it all out with strt dates, reports, letters, etc etc, recorded conversions.. ( have had complaints before, always record everything of note, and plenty which may seem irrelevant, voice of experience here)

 

Ofsted looked at it all and said, nothing to uphold and in fact laughed it off as it was so very long ago, they had apparently been told it was weeks ago the child left us!

 

so words of caution, just keep a file of what you have done, so if anyone in future asks you have documents and papers to reming yourself.

 

Oh and well done, sounds like you could do no more...

 

Inge

Edited July 7, 2009 by Inge

[Deb]

Nona you poor thing. On the payment side, do you have a contract with the agreed hours on it? Are your fees payable for agreed times even if the parent decides to pick up early? Even if not, 4 months down the line is a little late to query a bill. Perhaps there are money worries? No wonder you feel hurt after all the care you have given the child. You have sent a clear message that this person's treatment of you is unacceptable.

 

Having had time to reflect would you consider taking the child back on the condition that you sat round the table to DISCUSS your payment policy and the child's needs? On the other hand, if as you say you know this is the right thing for you and your family, which only you know, perhaps you could write a letter explaining why you took the action you took, and assuring the parents of your continued care and attention during the notice period. Just a thought!

 

Take care

[Guest]

It's good to get other perspectives on this, so thanks everyone!

 

I have kept records of all concerns, reasons behind them and conversations about them with Mum. I only see Dad once a month when he picks his son up as Mum works late on the last working day of the month, for month-end accounts.

 

My contract is water-tight (NCMA!) I took advice from the NCMA back in April and they recorded it on their system in case parents make a complaint. NCMA advised me to contact Ofsted.

 

Ofsted recorded my concerns on their system, referred to their complaints and compliance team (who recorded it on their separate system!) and said I wasn't to worry about any future complaints regarding this situation as I'd done everything, and more, than they require.

 

As Inge says, RECORD EVERYTHING!! I have notes of dates and times of all conversations - this is, I think, what made Dad question whether my concerns are genuine or just covering my back!

 

I really hoped Dad was less aware of my concerns than Mum and would rush off to seek expert advice but he also thinks their son is ok, compared to the 18 month old son of friends who has only just started to stand!

 

I have their sons best interests at heart but Mum takes my comments as personal criticism

 

The notice period runs out 31st July and I just feel this is going to be hanging over me for months and years to come - I'm sure I can "look forward" to a call from Ofsted any day now.......

 

Nona

Edited July 7, 2009 by Guest

[Guest]

An update - Mum has just hand-delivered a letter saying he won't be returning for the remaining notice period

 

Now I feel worse - poor little boy

 

Nona

[Cait]

Don't feel bad. You did all you could and ultimately it's their loss.

[Upsy Daisy]

Don't feel bad. You did all you could and ultimately it's their loss.

 

Hear, hear.

 

You would not have been doing this little one any favours by going along with the parents.

 

You have done what you believed was in his best interests and it still may turn out to have a positive ending for him. Someone esle picking up the problems may be just what his parents need to make them think.

 

Denial is a recognised stage of coming to terms with this type of news. They may just be taking longer than normal to move on.

 

I'm sure that if you think back you would not have done it all differently so what have you got to feel bad about?

 

I feels a lot more personal when it is all happening in your home and you are the only practitioner making the decisions. I too would feel (and have felt) hurt and insulted by this sort of behaviour.

 

Try not to dwell on it. Think of him moving as opening up more opportunities for him to be helped.

[HappyMaz]

Shame you can't find out where he's going next to give them a 'warning' and all the paperwork you've amassed so they don't have to start at square one again

Confidentiality alert! I can well imagine how the parents would react to this if they are in denial about the fact that their child may have needs which require additional support.

 

nona I think you've done everything you possibly could to alert the parents' attentions to your concerns, but really until the parents are in a place where they can accept your advice and seek help, there is little more you can do. It sounds to me as if the mother particularly is lashing out a bit - not an unheard of reaction to there being concerns about their child. As you say, it sounds as if she has taken it all very personally and in situations like this, it can be hard to work through these difficulties and form a better relationship.

 

You say it is the best decision for you and your family and there are times when you have to put yourselves first - hang onto that fact and try not to beat yourself up over the way it turned out. Ultimately the family have to be responsible for their actions: you acted professionally and with great care and attention to this child's needs. You can only hope that he will eventually get the support he needs in future.

 

Take care,

Maz