Desperate To Leave

[Guest]

I have been in my job for nearly a year now, and there has only been 1 week in that whole time where I have enjoyed it.

 

My job is on my mind the whole time, and not a week goes by where I don't have a cry about it. I dread going in most days, and Sundays are ruined by me thinking that it's work the next day.

 

I have been browsing the job pages for several months now, but nothing has come up yet. I've been off work ill for almost a week now, and in that time have done some hard thinking. I honestly think that the reason I am off ill is because of my job.

 

I'm tyring to plan for my wedding, but that has been on the back-burner because of work committments, and my boyfriend said that he wishes he had the old me back.

 

I was looking through some leaving cards from my last 2 jobs, and both of them say how much they'll miss me laughing, smiling and singing (!!). I don't think that I can describe myself as being any of those over the last year.

 

I need to see some light at the end of the tunnel now, and am seriously thinking about handing in my notice (which is a staggering 8 week period), and falling back on supply teaching, if nothing else comes up.

 

It's a risk I know, as I still need to earn, but one that I think I may be willing to take in order to be happy again.

 

Just wanted some advice from you guys really. My boyfriend is behind whatever I choose, although I'm sure he must have his own financial concerns.

[Guest]

I really don't know what to say, except you need to do what makes you happy, lifes too short to be in a job you hate that much that it makes you miserable. Hope things work out. Good luck and i hope your feeling better soon

[Guest Wolfie]

Been there done that! Your happiness and wellbeing, friends and family are the most important thing, everything else comes after that. I too had people asking for the "old me" to come back - it wasn't until they said it that I realised that I'd stopped smiling, laughing and enjoying life. I know exactly what you mean about that Sunday feeling!

 

Have faith in what you think is right for you. I know financial issues will be important but if you've got supply teaching as a fallback then you'll be OK. Work shouldn't be spoiling your wedding preparations. If you're crying every week then this job definitely isn't right for you. I too had a very supportive partner - one night he watched me with tears rolling down my cheeks and said "Enough! You're leaving!" I think I just needed someone else to tell me to do what I wanted to do, if that makes sense!

[Guest]

Just wanted to say I really feel for you, it affects every aspect of your life when work is wrong. I am in a similar position, and have found nothing either.

 

Just want to empathise and say try to keep your spirits up, planning a wedding is stressful enough, remember that your mental health is sooo important, when I have felt really low, just reading all the feedback and support on here i know will help you, Peggy has been so generous and supportive with such wise words as have others, so Shelley read all the posts, and know that we are all virtually supporting your quest and hoping that you can find yourself again.

 

[Andreamay]

What is it about your job that you hate so much Shelley? Is it nothing you could put right?

[Guest]

shelley1, my daughter has just left a job that she was desparately unhappy in, (nothing to do with childcare) she was very unhappy, miserable and feeling ill all the time. She has now left the job and about to start a new one. the change in her is fantastic, she has changed overnight.

good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Guest]

Hi Shelly, I agree with the others. Life is too short to be doing something that you don't enjoy. If it is making you feel that unhappy then maybe taking a brake and giving yourself time to really think things through is probably just what you need. Take care, I hope everything works out for you.

[Guest MaryEMac]

So sorry to hear how you are feeling. No job is worth making yourself ill over and remember that you work to live not live to work.

I hope that you can resolve this soon and know that we are all here for you.

 

Mary

[beth1]

Oh dear sorry to feel how your feeling you must do what is right for yourself.

 

I too am feeling sorry for myself as I am getting desperate to find a job but noone wants me doing the Foundation Degree! Well if I comes to the end of the month I will just quit childcare and when they are looking for an experience nursery nurse with a Foundation Degree/EYPS I will not be there , I will be just working in a shop gaining my teaching degree instead, at least schools want me but there are no suitable jobs in the right age group.

 

 

Beth

[Guest]

Hi Shelley,

 

Life is all about balance..you need a work/life balance in order to be happy. If your job is making you feel tearful then you need either to address the issues that are making this job unpleasant for you or leave. Do you have a colleague who you can confide in or perhaps try some counselling. I know alot of people poo poo counselling but sometimes talking our thoughts and feelings with someone not directly involved can be very beneficial.

 

Whatever you decide I hope you can get the joy back in your life both professionally and personally.

 

Claire x

[Guest]

So sorry to hear you are feeling like that but I can totally sympathise as I've been there and done that.

In my old school I started questioning if I was a good teacher anymore and if all those nice things people had said about me in the past were true or not. In the end it made me so ill I was signed off work with stress (caused mostly by the headteacher of my old school) and I resigned without a new job to go to and I'm so glad I did because it meant I was free to go for my current job which I absolutely adore!

 

Make sure you do the right thing for you.

[Susan]

Hi Shelley, sorry to hear things are so bad. I think you have answered your own questions though that you need something different.

If you havent tried it Supply teaching can be very rewarding and a good way to rebuild your confidence and work out what you want to do. However, if that is the route you decide to take I would advise you to look into the possibilities and agencies etc asap. Supply work for me virtually dried up last term--it was certainly not financially viable. You will also need a current CRB, some agenecies will not allow you to transfer one across and in the LEA in which I work you need a new on annually as a supply teacher--although they may have just changed that to after a break of 3 months.

If you are on 8 weeks notice, you could if you get the wheels in motion now, get some work for the summer term which with new budgets in April is often better for supply.

Good luck with your decision.

[Guest]

Shelley I am staggered your notice period is so long. If you really are as unhappy as you sound do give in your notice. In the 8 weeks something will come up - even if it is only temporary. As MaryEMac says you work to live not live to work.

[Inge]

in defence of a long notice period,

 

just think of how long it takes to advertise, interview, get references, CRB checks completed, and begin to induct a member of staff, from the employers perspective it is not long.

 

otherwise it does sound as though you need to take stock and review where you are going and what you really want to do.

 

Inge

[Guest]

You poor thing,

 

Work should not make you ill - get out, NOW!

 

Puzzles x

[Beau]

Oh Shelley

 

Virtual hugs coming your way. Do what you feel in your heart of hearts is the best for you. We'll all be here to listen and support whatever you decide.

[SmileyPR]

Shelly1,

 

I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard moment. Whatever you decide we will always be here to give you support. I like the frase of "The Sound of Music"... it is something like this: "When a door is closed, a window is opened". Just take with you all that you have been able to learn or grow as a person through this year and, especially, the love that you have given to those children. That will stay forever.

 

Best wishes!

[JacquieL]

Hi Shelley I do really feel for you as there is nothing worse than hating getting up in the mornings. Life is too short for you to carry on if you are not happy where you are. You really mustn't make yourself ill. Much as we are conscientious and dedicated to the children it is a job after all. I'm not sure if you are a teacher or not but for teachers and TA's etc. supply can be very good for you to find yourself and help you grow in confidence, as you realise what you can do, even with children you haven't met before. There is much less planning on short-term supply. It will also help you decide whether you really like the job, and if you do then your present workplace is the wrong one for you. You will need a new CRB but the LA can do one for you, but they will charge. They are taking about 8 weeks at the moment. You will have to accept a lower income before you get established, but if you need breathing space then go for it. Look after your health.

Is it worth your while going off sick for a short while, which might give you a bit of time to think and take stock, without the pressure of having to go to work the next day. It is hard to think straight when you are so stressed. Have you thought out what it is you like about your work and what it is you dread? That can be the real key to what you decide to do next.

i think most of us have been where you are at sometime or other and if not then we have been very very lucky.

Lots of hugs and take care of yourself.

[Rea]

Smiley, thats a phrase I've often used when things dont turn out how I wanted.

 

Shelley, a lot of us have been in a horrible job situation and for most of us leaving was the best thing to do.

 

I left and went supply and I love it. I have been to some settings for a day and others, like my current one for 6 months. You can chose your hours and there was space on my application form to say if there was an age group I'd rather not work with.

 

Phone some agencies, check out their rates, conditions, holiday pay etc. You can sign with more than one if you want so work shouldnt be too much of an issue. Dont only go for the big names, my agency isnt quite 2 yrs old, and is run by 3 people, they only supply NN's and TA's to early years settings.

I dont have to do planning, get involved in staff politics or go to work at all if I dont want (finances allowing!) I have seen loads of different ways of doing things, some good, some not so good, but all of it has been an experience. I might go back to being staff and I might not.

Strangley, the thing I'm starting to miss is the planning and having a say in how things are.

 

It is a big step, my friend is debating the change to supply so I know your concerns, but your health and happiness must come first. You dont get any more thanks for getting stressed and being unhappy.

If you hand your notice in now, you have 8 weeks to job hunt and see whats available.

Good luck whatever you decide to do

[belle06]

Hi

I am sorry that you are feeling the way you are I once had this problem after I had been at the job for 6 months and was signed off with stress i went in to see my line manager to discuss why I was not happy and to hand my notice in. We discussed my problems and agreed actions that needed taking and to give it another go. I have now been in the same job for thirteen years on Saturday and have never been happier. Hope all works out for you..

[Guest]

Hi Shelly im sorry that you feel so bad about your job maybe you just need a change i know how that sunday feeling can effect you and your home life and for this reason you need to follow your heartand do what you feel is the right thing for you

Health, family, friends and happeness are the things that matter the most and i know we have to consider our financial situations when making career decisions but if it really is effecting your life then sometimes you have to go with your feelings and make that change x jojom x

[Guest]

Hi Shelley,

 

Thinking of you- it really does sound as if you need to move on and do what is best for you. You sound very aware of how this job is effecting your life and how it has changed you as a person.

 

I too posted a similar topic at the beginning of January.

It was called 'Dreading going back'

It's worth a read for you as I got lots of kind and helpful advice also. It was just particularly nice to find somewhere to vent all my anger and thoughts- without having to keep repeating how I felt to my boyfriend! Poor thing- he has been wonderful.

He has already seen a bit of a change in me becoming more positive since I have been looking for a new job.

 

Upon my return I discussed my issues with my head and at the end of the week when I still felt no better I made an offer of cutting down my hours. In this way I feel more in control of what I am doing and I am not cutting myself off from money etc completely.

 

After Easter I am going to be part of a job share. I will plan for and teach Monday to Wednesday and the other person (not sure who yet) will do Thurs/Fri.

 

I will be involved in the interviews too. I feel brighter already knowing that my travel and contact with the staff will be cut down.

 

When it was first agreed and decided I did panic and think that no other job would come up for those two odd days, and have looked into many supply agencies... BUT just this week a perfect 2day Year 1 post has come up in a school 5minutes away so it all fits.

 

I am off to view the school in an hour so wish me luck!!

 

You will find something you like.

 

Anyway I just wanted to offer a friendly hand and say that I truly empathise with you because so much of what you were saying sounded just like my life. I am not out of the total tearful period yet but I am sure you still will be if you get something else to focus on.

Don't doubt your commitment, energy and enjoyment of the job. It is just one working environment and as someone lovely has always said to me...

[b]This too will pass[/b]

 

Get in touch if you need to again and please let us all know what you decide

x

L XXX

[Deb]

Hi Shelley

 

Just wanted to say, as others have, that many of us have been in this position for one reason or another and we do feel for you. It's not worth making yourself ill over and you seem to know that it is time to take some action.

 

Others have posted positive stories of supply work which may well be the road you will decide to take. Being a naturally cautious person, I have always felt it is easier to get a job whilst being in a job and at least having an income. You might find you will feel better having made a decision to leave and look seriously for another job?

 

Only you know how tolerable/intolerable your situation is, whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck. You will find a better job. Look after yourself.

[Guest]

Thank-you so much to everyone. Am blubbing just reading your replies!!!

[wellerkaren]

hand in your notice and look for sonthing else your life and happiness are really important. if you are unhappy this can show both inwardly andoutworld#ly you don not want it to effect your relationship as well .

virtual hugs are on your way x x x

[Guest]

JacquieL - when you say that I will have to accept a lower income before I become established - why is this?

[Susan]

Hi Shelley, I think Jacquie probably means that the uncertainty of supply makes for a lower income as obviously you only get paid for the days you work. Some but not all agencies pay to scale too and that can make a big difference and many do not make pension contributions either.

[Guest]

Went round a friend's today who I haven't seen for about 4 weeks. She took 1 look at me and said how much weight I had lost (I am not of the type of build who can afford to be losing weight). She was horrified.

 

She knows how stressed out I am with work, and she also knows how much I love my food. I've been eating like a horse as usual, but all of my jeans or trousers are just dropping off me.

 

When I left she gave me a much bigger hug than normal, and a few minutes later sent me a text to say: 'Text me tomorrow when you've handed your notice in x'.

 

Am in the process of doing it now, and already feel like a big weight is lifting off of me.

 

My friend said to me earlier: 'It's not like you can't get work elsewhere'. I'm NNEB trained, have nursery management experience, and am a trained and experienced teacher.

 

Have made my mind up - just need 1 final vote of confidence.

Edited February 13, 2007 by Guest

[Sue R]

May I supply it?

 

Go for it, Shelley, you'll be fine!!

 

Sue x

[Beau]

Shelley,

 

That feeling of lightness will grow and grow as you realise that you are taking control of your life once more. Have confidence in your abilities and go out there and knock all those prospective employers dead!

 

Good luck