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I have a 4 year old girl who had been extra cuddling with one of the boys in the classroom. I had spoken with them, that a soft and short hug was fine now and then, but no extended/long hugs were necessary... the same for kisses on the check. We spoke about respect towards each other's bodies and what is age appropriate. Yesterday, the same girl, I caught her touching a boys private area and he did the same. It was then that it came out that she had kissed another boy on his lips in previous days. I spoke with both of them. Later in the afternoon I see her do it again (touching and laughing about it). I was firm and said "No" and I wrote a note to her parents as they do not bring her not fetch her. They leave home at 6 am and return around 8 pm from M - F. She has changed from au pair several times in the past years... 3 this school year and at least 2 last year. She has big tantrums now and then. We have dealt with this part by using "Take a Break". It was at the same time that she had a new lady taking care of her and things seemed to be better, but this week she is back with behaviour issues. I hope they spoke with her, otherwise we need to meet another meet about this new issue (touching and kissing).

 

What suggestions do you give me on how to deal this with her and her classmates and also when speaking with her parents? Thanks in advance!

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this is a safeguarding issue and needs to be reported asap to your s/g team. You need to keep all events recorded. I suspect you will also be advised to have a meeting with the parents as you should be doing this before you report.

There are several potential reasons for this BUT this is very serious...she may be seeing things that she shouldn't (in our case this was what had happened because the boy in question was in his parent bedroom!)

Do not question the child ...change your environment to ensure they cannot be left alone and I would make sure your team is allocated some time each to ensure they are not left alone.

What you have to think is WHY this child is doing this..its NOT 'normal' therefore what is different for her??

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Oh dear smiley, I understand that you are 'overseas' so have no idea what your safeguarding procedures look like.

 

Fm's advice is, as always, sound - wishing you good luck with this difficult situation

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This may also be age appropriate behaviour, investigating sexuality is a delicate subject. We have used the NSPCC Pants Rule to help safeguard all of the children in our setting, include all parent/Carers with this by adding the poster on your news letter and notice board. Circle times with gender appropriate dolls and books is also helpful. Good luck.

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If anyone doesn't know about the NSPCC PANTS campaign you can find it here: NSPCC PANTS

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Thanks everyone! Technically she didn't touch under his pants, just over his trousers, but since I have been noticing her being too "cuddly", i am concerned. I know it's normal for them to want to learn about their gender and that of others, especially around the age of 4. That is why I have a girl doll, a boy doll and with different skin tones... ideally with different races, but we don't have for much. I am alone with my group, thankfully only 10 children this year even though I have had up to 18. The parents did not even sign their school diary yesterday evening. I asked the girl if her parents were at home last night, as sometimes her mum has to go out of the country due to work reasons. She said yes, but that her dad slept in her brother's room because they fight a lot. It breaks my heart all what she goes through at such a tender age. I will surely print the poster and will discuss it with the one in charge about delicate issues and safety in our school. I am so blessed to have your insight and help. Thanks a million!???

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Totally with FM on this one - even if all you do is call for advice!

 

Good luck!

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I also would be thinking around safeguarding issues and also be wondering what she was seeing (and hopefully not experiencing).

There does appear to more than just investigating gender here and i do not want to sound alarming but I do think further assistance is needed.

The little girls family life does sound a bit chaotic with Mum out of the country and using au pairs on short contracts but even so I would be concerned.

Smiley I think you are somewhere in Europe so maybe your Safeguarding rules/laws are different but there is probably plenty of information on this forum and the Pants information may give you some help in understanding why some of us would be very worried.

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I spoke with someone in our Administration Team and she checked who was the person in charge for something like this. I saw him this afternoon and we will be meeting soon. I do hope the parents read the agenda/diary today and respond accordingly as they previously did in regards to her tantrums. Please keep her and this situation in your thoughts and prayers. I will keep you posted. Thanks and have a nice weekend.

Edited by SmileyPR
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sorry Smiley forgot you were out of england.However you sound worried and thats always a concern, I would be worried if the parents were still not signing the diary....why?

Although we sometimes moan about social services and safeguarding we are very lucky to have that support.

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I spke with her parents last Wednesday. Mum and Dad came in already with a defensive attitude, later Dad was calm. It was a lengthy meeting.

 

In summary, Mum said children experiment at that age and should be seen as something natural and not put much attention on it as it could give the opposite effect (taboo?). I replied I knew it was natural curiosity, but that there were limits and that the girl had to learn this as some people could take advantage of her. Mum said they had spoken to their two children using the European Council program (The Underwear Rule - Kiko) before this incident and, therefore the note had surprised her as she had never seen any inappropriately behaviour between her kids. I said I was not saying anything was happening (yet they hardly are with them during the week). Mum said her daughter said one of the boys had started the touching... but I forgot to ask Mum why was it that the girl was the common person in the 3 situations.

 

Anyway, she also complained about sending anything home as they didn't have time and they only wanted to have quality time with their kids when that came back home between 7:30 pm and 8 pm, when "they cook". The girl says her nanny cooks. I asked when did the girl go to sleep and Dad said 7:30 pm... hum, contradictory information.

 

All this was because there was an Easter Egg drawing competition for Early Years and Primary that had been sent home with 2 weeks anticipation. Mum complained it was for one day to another when I clarified it wasn't. The girl had brought it, all scribbled, way below her level so I returned it and asked it she could please redo it. Come on! The girl loves to draw and the mum could have enjoyed quality time with her daughter doing something the little one likes to do.

 

I asked them if they had moved to our country due to the economic situation in their country (also EU) and she said no, that it was their choice and the type of project they are working on takes lots of work hours, but they didn't bother about it... that this is normal around the world and children need to get used to it. I said I did understand it is not easy nowadays and, in many cases, both parents have to go out to work... but that their children are young (4 and 9/or 10), that this time passes by fast and their kids need them now.

 

At the end I told them that I was concerned the girl would not be prepared to pass to Y1, where they work at desks and hardly play. Since they are normally going back to their country this summer, I asked if she would be going to Y1 or Kindergarten 3 (5 - 6 years olds). She only becomes 5 the last week in June, when our school year ends. Dad said probably K3. I said that would probably be the best for her as I considered she needed more time to mature and have the stamina and resilience needed for Y1 work (as of a British Curriculum). Many European countries don't start reading or writing until Y1.

 

Parents wrote on Friday to please sent her 2nd reading book so that they could sit with her during our 2 week Easter holiday. I do hope her parents have meditated about all the situation and realise that they do need to take more time with their kids.

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