Guest Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Just wondering how settings deal with this..... In our setting children can be sitting on their key child's lap for quite some time, whilst playing at an activity. I am curious if in other settings are the children allowed to sit on the staffs laps? One setting I have heard about States that they don't allow it, nor do they cuddle the children. I recently went on a course where we were told children shouldn't be sitting on our laps. Feedback would be appreciated.....many thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I'm too overwhelmed to reply with an intelligent reply (and I'm busy) but....aaarrrggghhh what! No laps, no cuddles ???? Outrage is my first response ! Have and always will cuddle, comfort, hug and have children sat on my lap if that's their choice, if it makes them feel secure and safe ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 The day I'm told I cant cuddle a child or let one sit on my lap as long as they want is the day I leave the lid off the playdough. I did work somewhere once, where it wasnt a rule as such, but the only male working there would suddenly need to stand up if a manger came within sight. I thought it was very sad. Twitter last week had something from one of the moms sites, I'll see if I can find it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredbear Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I think there's a difference with a child staying on them for the whole session or just for short spurts of time, such as for a story or just a chill out. (Have also known staff to like it so they don't have to move) not in our setting of course. I suppose it really depends on the ages and stages of development of the children, whether we as professionals think it is appropriate. But whatever you decide as a team, it should be followed through by everybody. Remember going to a conference and listening with absolute horror of settings that it was banned. What about the child that just needs that reassurance, or might have hurt themselves. Think we have gone a bit bonkers with it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) I totally agree, I see nothing wrong with a child sitting on their key persons lap for comfort, if they have hurt themselves or are distressed. But I can see the other side too, when a key person sits for most of the session with their key child on their lap. It can hinder that child interacting with others, as they are not down playing with their peers. One example is circle time, when one child, usually the same one, gets to sit on a lap every single circle time whilst 20 other children all have to sit on the floor...... Edited October 23, 2013 by lizr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Can you hear me screaming? For goodness sake.......of course we have children sitting on laps we offer plenty of cuddles too.......I cannot understand any setting not 'allowing' this Off to scream some more - cover your ears..... 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I totally agree, I see nothing wrong with a child sitting on their key persons lap for comfort, if they have hurt themselves or are distressed. But I can see the other side too, when a key person sits for most of the session with their key child on their lap. It can hinder that child interacting with others, as they are not down playing with their peers. Crossed posts with you there - think that I misunderstood your original post - apologies - thought this was connected to 'safeguarding'...... Well, yes I can see that could be an 'issue'........although a huge fan of Key Person working I do still try and make sure that children do not become 'dependent' on just one person.......so, agreed i wouldn't want to see a child permanently on their KP's lap....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I'm totally in agreement with lap sitting for comforting, helping the child to feel safe and secure and if they have hurt themselves. But I have also been very frustrated when I have seen a member sit with their key child for well over half an hr, and not doing much with the child, apart from tickling them, and just sitting there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredbear Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Ah lizr exactly my point. If 20 other children are sitting on the carpet and the child is not upset i think I would be encouraging them to do it too. Could the staff member sit on the floor next to them at first, gradually moving as time goes on. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 It was in Mother & Baby magazine and all the tweet from Pacey Childcare said was have you seen Penny Tassoni in the 'nursery cuddle ban debate'? I found the magazine but could find the article. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Well I'm not surprised by the response this thread has so far received. I couldn't imagine not being able to offer a lap or a knee some times I have a little one on each knee and still do a whole group activity. Pre schools should be offering this type of comfort to younger children, once they are ready to go off to school, they don't seek this comfort as much so they won't be expecting too much of it from their primary teams, but occasional cuddle and fuss to get them through tough days even from TA or teacher should be in order. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 One of my happiest and most enduring memories is of sneaking a look through the window at my oldest son when he'd just started reception and seeing him on the teachers knee while she called the register. I was content and happier to go home. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stargrower Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I'm with everyone else on this one. Yes cuddles and laps are fine and a good thing. But we try to watch out for the child who always wants to be on someone's lap. A quick cuddle then get busy, a bit of distraction etc. Apart from anything else, there may be lots of other little ones who would like some lap space! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I'm with everyone else on this one. Yes cuddles and laps are fine and a good thing. But we try to watch out for the child who always wants to be on someone's lap. A quick cuddle then get busy, a bit of distraction etc. Apart from anything else, there may be lots of other little ones who would like some lap space! That's a lovely way of putting it Beehive! :1b 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flowlow Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I think motive then would the key. We hug, cuddle and lap sit lol (and that's just the staff) however I think if I felt that someone was 'abusing' this time or it wasn't in the best interests of the child then I would encourage staff to offer quick hug, cuddle or lap sit and then try a bit of distraction into something else. This can be done in such a way that the child continues to feel special and safe and secure. I feel children in early years need this contact otherwise they just don't develop right :1b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Totally agree, and we will continue to give hugs, care and lap time when it's needed. Thank you for all the replies x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SamG Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 We allow children to sit on laps and have cuddles. Ofsted even commented in our report that this was allowed (and not in a negative way at all). At my previous setting we were told to sit the child on a chair next to you and put your arm round their shoulder to make them feel better! Yeah right, that lasted all of a couple of weeks and then we were sitting children on our laps and giving cuddles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berryred Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 hurray for normal people! Of course I let the children sit on my lap, I have children ranging from 14 months-5 years, the older ones run out of school and always want a big hug, and I will! As a childminder I am in a smaller setting with 2 under school age here all day, throughout the day I am often used as a seat to read books, ramp for cars, or just that secure person they want to be with xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 I have mixed feelings on this and by coincidence, today, decided I need to talk with a member of staff about not sitting children on her lap! We have a a 4 year old who is quite confident and a member of staff who likes a cuddle. The child has, until the past week or so, not 'needed' to be cuddled but more recently I have seen her sitting on the TAs lap. SHE DOES NOT NEED TO BE DOING THIS! :angry: I have absolutely no problem with giving a cuddle and having a child on my lap IF a cuddle is needed because the child is upset but am totally against it if the child is perfectly happy to play. The child plays well with her peers during the morning when the member of staff is not there, however I often see her sitting on the TAs lap during the afternoon and fully intend to talk to the TA about it. It is not the first time this has happened and she likes the children to become dependent on her which makes me feel very angry as I see it as a backward step for the child/ren involved. I will get down from my soapbox. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panders Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 I have mixed feelings on this and by coincidence, today, decided I need to talk with a member of staff about not sitting children on her lap! We have a a 4 year old who is quite confident and a member of staff who likes a cuddle. The child has, until the past week or so, not 'needed' to be cuddled but more recently I have seen her sitting on the TAs lap. SHE DOES NOT NEED TO BE DOING THIS! :angry: I have absolutely no problem with giving a cuddle and having a child on my lap IF a cuddle is needed because the child is upset but am totally against it if the child is perfectly happy to play. The child plays well with her peers during the morning when the member of staff is not there, however I often see her sitting on the TAs lap during the afternoon and fully intend to talk to the TA about it. It is not the first time this has happened and she likes the children to become dependent on her which makes me feel very angry as I see it as a backward step for the child/ren involved. I will get down from my soapbox. Totally understandable rant Devonmaid - this is obviously the TA's needs not the childs. We do get it in pre-school too, very occasionally, quite often if I have a young student in we get it. Also I strive very hard to foster independence and get a bit tetchy when some of my staff fetch and carry things too much for the children as well rather than saying to the child they can go and get whatever it is they want, members of staff trott off like well trained skivvies (I expect maybe because they do this automatically for their own families) it's not that I don't appreciate how helpful and caring they are, just that it doesn't allow the child independence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Abuse not to cuddle child who is in need of one, but needs to be on the child's terms and for only the short time it is needed for Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Abuse not to cuddle child who is in need of one, but needs to be on the child's terms and for only the short time it is needed for I shall always remember my son's teacher telling me that he cried non stop until when she put her arm around him! Ive never been quite sure if I was being told because she felt uncertain that I would approve her actions or whether she wanted me to tell him off for crying or what exactly I was supposed to do about either. IT was a very long school year that one though and we still refer to her as the witch! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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