Rea Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Did anyone else see Panorama tonight? I dont know anyone who has been involved in an adoption so I was completely shocked at everything I saw. Why dont we offer more support to parents with leaning difficulties? If it costs £150 per day to keep a child in care, how much would it cost to have a support worker full time and how much more stable would the childs life be as a result? All those foster carers, adoptions that dont work, never knowing how long they're going to be in one place! How can you have a child living with you and then change your mind and send them back? Why take into account the prospective parents views on having a dog just because thats what a little girl would like her new family to have? I know plenty of people who never let their kids have a dog, it didnt make them unsuitable parents for goodness sake. How can the courts take the views of a mother into account when she hasnt seen the child for 5 years, whether it was her fault or not, shouldnt the stability of the child be paramount? The whole systems a mess and I feel really angry at how we're letting children down so profoundly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 Have 'sky plussed' it - looking forward to watching it....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo A Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I cried a lot whilst I watched it. There must be a better way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wend59 Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I too found this very upsetting and feel adoptive parents that give up on children are far worse than parents who need support with parenting not have their children taken away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I have 2 friends, now in their 40's who were both adopted at birth in the 1960's. 'They were placed at just 6 days old. They both have loving, supportive adoptive parents, have completed their educations, hold responsible jobs and have loving wives and children of their own. 2 other friends have adopted children in the last 5 years. Both adoptive mums have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress after the process They were interviewed over many months, both with and without their husbands present, asked the most intimate personal and medical questions and lived under pressure for over 27 months before being deemed 'suitable'. Their children have been moved from birth parents to foster parents before coming to their 'forever home' All have attachment issues which are evident in their behaviour at pre-school and school and all become extremely distressed when their parents leave them - even for a few hours. Both mums have said the whole process has changed them beyond recognition - they now lack confidence in themselves and their ability to parent and feel that their children are 'on loan' to them if they're not judged to be 'good enough' mums I KNOW there has to be rigorous assessment procedures and processes but the system really seems to have lost sight of the children's rights to be placed in a loving, safe environment AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE to allow them to bond and grow up secure, loved and loving. Many of the adoptions that fail are entirely due to attachment issues, which become more and more apparent as the children grow up. Heartbreaking!! I hope that a return to the 'old' ways of assessment and emphasis on family values will lead to faster placements and happier families. Nona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 (edited) Both my children are adopted. I didn't watch the programme and not sure if I will. My views have changed along the way. Some of the advice we were given I as a'childhood professional' I agreed with at the time but no I longer do. I do think if you have no experience of adoption from any angle its best not to make emotive judgements based on a television programme. I have 2 children with 2 very different 'start in' life stories, 2 very different personalities, 2 very different reactions to their adoption brought up in the same house with the same support and input. I have just found my 14 year old has posted this on her facebook page "Those people that make jokes about adoption are sick some people do go through it for various reasons and its usually not because there parents dont want them. Some people need to watch who they say things to because you never know their situation" Not sure where she is coming from or what has happened but obviously a reaction to last nights programme Edited December 15, 2011 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 "Those people that make jokes about adoption are sick some people do go through it for various reasons and its usually not because there parents dont want them. Some people need to watch who they say things to because you never know their situation" Not sure where she is coming from or what has happened but obviously a reaction to last nights programme Oh biccy, hope she's ok? Big hugs, Nona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smiles Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Your 14 year old is very wise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Oh biccy, hope she's ok? She's fine.She says it was a trending topic following last nights programme and 'friends' of hers who don't know she's adopted were making inappropriate remarks about the children and situations highlighted in last nights programme.It has NEVER been a secret to her or anyone but she obviously does not go around saying 'hi I'm laura and I'm adopted'. I was very proud of her when we spoke about her post and the reasons behind her. Both girls funnily enough have always been attracted to children having difficult lives or incare although they were both too young to remember themselves.Their empathy is enormous without ever saying 'that could have been me'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Sensible girls! They're a credit to you, and themselves. Nona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I didn't see the programme,but the comments struck a cord with me as a Foster carer of 4 siblings. They have been with us for nearly five years and came into care in 2006, having been to two carers prior to us. Attachment is the main difficulty and although I wouldn't have our life any other way, with all the many rewards fostering offers us, the impact on life is (with hindsight) near impossible to 'train for'. The eldest is now 17 yrs old, and following him a 15 yr old, 13 yr old (Sp Needs) and a 9 yr old. When the mother was pregnant with her first child (now 17) , the family was put on the 'at risk' register. It took a further 10 yrs ( and 3 more children) before care proceedings commenced. They are with us until adulthood. At age 12 when the eldest came to us one of the first comments he made about being in care was " Why did it take so long?" (to get put into care) I have attached a research paper ( In Loco Parentis), which is a bit long but worth the read, it advises the government to act more quickly in getting children looked after / adopted, and shows clearly the impact on the child and society if this is delayed. It looks at our attitudes as a society towards taking children into care/adoption, and how these attitudes are a negative impact on decision making in the best interests of the child. It makes comparisons about the cost of early or late interventions too. The main focus however must ALWAYS be the child, not finance or the parents rights to a family, the child's right to a family (functional) should always be paramount, but often is not the case. Biccy, I can see why you are so proud of your children, they are indeed a credit to you and how wonderful to hear of any young person standing up to others to voice her principles and to have the conviction of her principles enough to be able to challenge others lack of such principles. Peggy Peggy In_Loco_Parentis.pdf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inge Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Assessment process for adopters to be reformed The assessment process for prospective adopters is to be overhauled, the Government announced today. Children's Minister Tim Loughton has asked a group of experts to draw up a new process to recruit, train and assess people as adoptive parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Well let's hope it makes a real difference Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 Ditto that Cait, its such a shambles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Like possibly thousands of others across the country I've been really tempted several times, especially when my two left home. It was the process that put us off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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