Teenage Bedtimes

[Guest]

Hi all

 

Don't you just love that statement "all my friends" well i have having issues with bedtime my 13 year old thinks there is nothing wrong with going to bed at 11 every night, we have just had another row about it.

 

what times to you parents of teenagers get them to go to bed?

 

early this evening we had been out and he had been biting everyones's head off but guess what ' i'm not tired'

 

i have told him 10.30 tonight but that will cause an argument at that point,

 

any ideas would be great as "it is pointless going to school tomorrow unless i have seen im a celebrity"

 

I am going slowly crazy.

[Guest]

Though I have no children, my own teenage years are not that far behind me and I well remember the embarassment of not having seen the latest programme on the TV when I went to school the next day. I was made to go to bed at 9pm until I was about 13! After that I think it gradually increased to 10pm because I pushed it, and that was the way it was until I was too old for my parents to exercise any control over it any more. Just as a note, my parents were not excessively strict or controlling but I did have to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Most of my friends went at 10pm when I was 13, but bedtimes seem to be getting later with each generation, especially with programmes like I'm A Celebrity/X Factor, where they put them on late supposedly intending them for an older audience, but I'm sure knowing full well that children stay up to watch.

 

I can imagine how difficult it is. My opinion is anything after 9.30/10pm is too late for a 13 year old, but I can well imagine that I'm not going to be able to put this into practise either when the time comes! I taught in a year 4 class the other day and over half the 30 children put their hands up in response to the question, "Who watched I'm A Celebrity last night?" (they happened to be covering the rainforest, hence the relevance of the question.) I find it scary that 8/9 year olds are allowed to stay up so late, or watch that sort of programme.

 

The only useful suggestion that springs to mind is record it and tell him to get up early to watch it if it's that important!

[Rea]

My lads have been going to bed after me for years. When they were 13 I think they had to be in bed by 10 but they could watch TV quietly or read, by 11 it was lights out. There comes point though where arguing does no good. I used to tell them the benefits of a good nights sleep and get them to agree they would go to bed early when they knew they were tired, I tried to treat them like grown ups. Its a blip that comes with being a teenager I'm afraid, needing to be top dog, testing the boundaries and flexing their muscles in a safe environment.

My dad always used to tell me ' Dont worry, they all grow up normal'.

[hali]

at that age mine were up the stairs at 9pm and allowed to read/watch telly (no games) till 10/10.30. Never had an argument and i often found if they were tired would go to sleep earlier. I felt there was no use arguing as if they were not tired they wouldnt sleep anyway

[Inge]

not much help from me.. had a non sleeper, gave up fighting with a bed time very early on, no point as he would not sleep and it just made him less likely to sleep. We too had a 9pm bed/ room and TV or radio books until 11pm .. he was always up by 7 am so obviously did not need the sleep, never did and still doesn't... ( slept 12hrs max in 24 since birth and that was a good day)

 

We still had all the fights and assertiveness... just over different things to bedtime.. and the door banging, hated that, went on far too long, so we removed his bedroom door and gave a curtain instead.. no more door to bang! bit noisy though when he discovered it! Only took a week for it to be returned and never a door banged again!

 

think to some extent the key is getting up next day...and coping with amount of sleep they are getting.. (not all are like my son who was always on the go and never stopped.)

 

any way you could record the late programme and say get up in the morning to watch before school.. still be able to see it but up to them to make sure they are up in time to do so...

[kristina]

I have 2 girls age 13 & 14, they go up to bed at 9pm and can read/watch tv until 10pm then it's lights out! However as I'm probably asleep before 10pm myself they could very well be up later but I prefer the what I don't know attitude!!

 

Kris

[finleysmaid]

i too got fed up with having this conversation...eventually did the sit down conversation where we negotiated an agreed time and then that was stuck to...i think because they felt they had a say then it worked better...of course when my daughter got chronic fatigue sleeping was not the problem at one stage 22 hours out of 24

[SueFinanceManager]

I do empathise and have been there and this is the way it works in our house,

 

My son 17 has to be in his room by 11pm Sun - Thursday nights although he will lay and watch TV quietly or be on his laptop on FB or iplayer till goodness only knows what time. Even as a little boy he was a night owl and of course on days he doesn't have to get up sleeps till mid day!!! This 11pm time was agreed as then at least he is in his room and knows he has to be quiet as me & dad and his younger sister are trying to go to sleep. It is hard as he is at college and his first lessons aren't till 11am in the morning so he feels it is ok to stay up later but it comes down to showing respect for everyone else in the house and being quiet so they can rest. Fri & Sat nights he often has mates in and they stay up till about 3am playing on the PS3 in the back room downstairs and I wander in mornings and see who is asleep on the sofa bed....I usually find Tom and at least one mate

 

My 14 year old daughter often sits with hubby and me watching TV as we have similar tastes until about 10pm and then we 3 tend to potter off to bed as we 3 are readers...she is allowed till 10.30pm with her book (but the little monkey often reads later as she has one of those little book lamps she brought) but if she is tired she will go to bed and turn the light straight out.

 

There are some programs she will go and watch in her room as she needs to be up with them to converse with friends and although this seems mad sometimes to us when you are trying to fit in at school it is really important.

 

I tend to let mine lay in at the weekends and they catch up with sleep then.....having said that my son works Sunday mornings and has to be at work for 7.15am so doesn't get a lie in that day.

 

I have decided that you have to decide which battles you fight with teenagers and we decided that the bedtime one was one we didn't have the energy to keep on with.....I would go to bed and then be keep getting up to check lights were out and then start arguing when they weren't.....I would go back to bed sooooo wound up I didn't stand a chance of sleeping!!!

 

In our house these are the agreed rules and we trust them to follow them and if either of them pushes it and damages the 'trust' then we have a week or so of 9pm her and 10pm him bedtimes and then go with the later ones again.

 

As for the grumpy teenage behaviour well that is a I am afraid rather par for the course and my son was definitely more grumpy at that age than my daughter. We used to accuse him of being over tired often and would get the same stroppy response as you but then things came to light, he was having a few issues so just be aware that mixed in with the normal grumpy teenage behaviour there can sometimes be underlying issues and maybe this need to be up to date with this rubbish TV programme is part of that peer pressure our kids feel so acutely at this age.

 

Being a parent of teenagers is really tough at times......I can't imagine I was ever that difficult to communicate with

 

Good luck x

[shazzam]

my boys are 14 & 15, i try and make sure they are in bed about 9 and they watch a bit of tv and i go in and make sure it goes off for 10ish. they would be up later if i let them!

i know some of their friends are still out at that time of night! really hard work having teenagers

[Rea]

I knew I'd heard about some research into teenagers sleep patterns and here it is.

Teenage sleep patterns

 

Of course it being scientific, you might not want to let them know about it but it might also stop you feeling annoyed.

[SueFinanceManager]

I knew I'd heard about some research into teenagers sleep patterns and here it is.

Teenage sleep patterns

 

Of course it being scientific, you might not want to let them know about it but it might also stop you feeling annoyed.

 

Well that echo's what Tom says that even when sent to bed and with all electronic gadgetry turned off he can still lay there unable to sleep until well after midnight. He gets very frustrated as like all of us the more desperate he is to try and sleep then harder it becomes....if his body is conspiring against him then no wonder he is struggling.

 

Thanks Rea this does explain some his sleeping patterns a little more.....now have you got scientific evidence to explain why he can't empty or load the dishwasher without causing world war 3

[Guest]

I knew I'd heard about some research into teenagers sleep patterns and here it is.

Teenage sleep patterns

 

Of course it being scientific, you might not want to let them know about it but it might also stop you feeling annoyed.

 

I seem to have developed this problem at the moment. My sleep patterns have gone all over the place!

 

That aside I suffered severely from perculiar sleep patterns between the ages of 17 and 22. I'm not sure why it was so late on since I wasn't going through any particularly noticeable hormone changes at that time, but I would regularly feel like I needed 10+ hours of sleep, usually after midnight. I do feel sympathetic to teenages when they find it so hard to get out of bed in the mornings cause I know what it was like for me then!

[Panders]

Well that echo's what Tom says that even when sent to bed and with all electronic gadgetry turned off he can still lay there unable to sleep until well after midnight. He gets very frustrated as like all of us the more desperate he is to try and sleep then harder it becomes....if his body is conspiring against him then no wonder he is struggling.

 

Thanks Rea this does explain some his sleeping patterns a little more.....now have you got scientific evidence to explain why he can't empty or load the dishwasher without causing world war 3

 

 

Yes that's great research there from Rea. I have 3 lads and they too found it hard to sleep much before midnight. Me on the other hand I can fall asleep standing up, anytime anywhere!

 

I have heard one secret to getting off to sleep when you can't - is to do a bit of reverse psychology (dodgy sp!!) - keep telling yourself you have to stay awake - and strangely you will nodd off!!!

[Rea]

Yes that's great research there from Rea. I have 3 lads and they too found it hard to sleep much before midnight. Me on the other hand I can fall asleep standing up, anytime anywhere!

 

I have heard one secret to getting off to sleep when you can't - is to do a bit of reverse psychology (dodgy sp!!) - keep telling yourself you have to stay awake - and strangely you will nodd off!!!

 

I can sleep everywhere and anywhere too, most afternoons will find me having a quick forty winks

Every christmas eve we'd tell the lads to stay awake to catch Father Christmas in the act, every Christmas the fell straight to sleep

Or try some soothing classical music, Beethoven at Bedtime worked like a dream, but maybe t 13 its a bit uncool

[Gezabel]

My four lads are all grown up now but I remember the testosterone filled teenage years well.

Bedtimes were a huge issue and I was forever being told 'but Mum everyone else ...'. It was a huge deal for me at the time but with the benefit of hindsight it really wasn't such a major issue!

 

In the end I decided they could go to bed when they like once they reached 13/14 or so BUT it was with the strict proviso that they were ALWAYS up in time for school in the morning and that their school work didn't suffer.

 

Quite suddenly once thay had been 'given' the 11-11:30 bedtime they so longed for it was actually very short lived. I guess it was a bit of a battle of wills and them trying to assert themselves but they quickly started going to bed around 10 ish if not before. I think 13 is a very tricky age, not a little boy any more and not really a teenager let alone an adult !

 

Good luck and just wait till the request for the first all night party comes!!!