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Feeling A Bit Sad


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One of my mindees who i have had since a baby is leaving this week which was a sad enough occasion on its own but just got text to say she wont be coming as mum has taking a few days off :o

 

I have looked after her for 5 years and to be honest been more flexible with this mum than most, i dont know what to do as i have 2 other mindees and my own son who have spent the last 5 years together and i had hoped to get the chance to say goodbye properly (ive been on hols for last 2 weeks), but i dont want to push in on the time she has with her as they dont get much chance :(

 

I am very pleased for this family as they have went through a lot of changes and have now settled in a nice new house to start a new life together but i sort of feel a bit let down that they dont seem to think that it would bother me when they leave. Even my notice was just a note, oh well i suppose its another learning curve in this career xD

 

Dont like this part of the job

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Have you though about asking them 'round for tea' so you can say goodbye properly.. a note or a call to mum to explain that you and the other children would like to say goodbye as they have been together so long.. and invite mum too...

 

need not be much, a few cakes and sandwiches and a drink for about an hour...

 

It may not be appropriate but could make it a happier ending

 

Inge

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Have you though about asking them 'round for tea' so you can say goodbye properly.. a note or a call to mum to explain that you and the other children would like to say goodbye as they have been together so long.. and invite mum too...

 

need not be much, a few cakes and sandwiches and a drink for about an hour...

 

It may not be appropriate but could make it a happier ending

 

Inge

 

I would have but the text sought of made it clear she was very busy decorating and stuff with her older dd :o

 

Fingers crossed she will turn up, but her money is being sent into bank as she said she did not have time to pop around, dh is trying to make me feel better by saying it maybe her way of not saying goodbye iyswim, who knows

 

:)

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Hi childmind04, it's always sad when someone you've welcomed into your home, life and heart leaves and it doesn't get any easier when you've childminded for years either but sometimes parents do find it difficult to say goodbye.

 

I've had leaving parties for those who've moved onto nursery or school or moved away but twice children have left for other reasons and I've not really had chance to say "goodbye". I decided to ask the other children to make a card and posted it to them, and enclosed a book (either one that we'd shared and enjoyed or something particularly apt) and made a bookplate for it saying "to xxxx, hope this will remind you of the happy times we shared, love from xxxxxx"

 

Even if the gesture wasn't acknowledged by the parent I felt it appropriate for myself, my daughter and the other children.

 

Hope you feel less sad soon!

 

Nona

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oh so sympathise. I find that sometimes the families you put more effort into because of either their circumstances or because you feel sorry for them and genuinely want to help them, are the ones that just walk away and hardly say goodbye. I don't want lots of praises but as you say you love the children after 5 years but the parents don't seem to register that fact that you need to say goodbye properly so that you can move on. Look on the bright maybe the parent didn't want to go through the goodbye bit because she found it to hard!!!! Try to look for the positive as they say.

The trouble is it rubs off because next time you might not get so attached so you don't get hurt which is normal behaviour but it does hurt. Lets hope they surprise you. Have they taken all their things with them? Maybe you could ring them and say it would be nice to say good bye face to face for the children???

Good luck and keep your chin up :)

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Well i rang her today as my money went in so she knew, she was not 100% as she has changed jobs, anyway i explained it would be nice to let the others say goodbye and have a little tea party, she just said because i have been on hols her lo has made the break from me and is now starting to ask less when she is coming to mine so mum thinks its best this week to just leave it at that, i said i had a few bits here and she asked me to take it to her mums :o

 

Just got back from her mums as i had her pressie off hols and a little leaving gift plus photos etc, her own mum is unhappy with her behaviour towards me and kept apologising, told her not to worry as long as the lo is ok thats what matters, she seems to think she is in for a bumpy ride as she has not given her child any chance to say bye to school friends, us or friends from home, i said she will be fine as children soon adapt just hope i am right :)

 

She was a character and things will be a bit quiet around here lol but i am sure i will get used to it :)

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Big hugs. Having cared for this child for so long it is only right that you may feel this way, almost like saying goodbye to your own child as they go off to school, uni, etc. Turn that around and think of all the positive things you have helped this child to achieve and remember them. Maybe a little goodbye card from the other children as a previous post suggested could be a nice idea.

I'm sure it won't be long before lots more lovely children come your way. :o

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Oh dear parents. I think this is really hard for most childminders -parents need to understand the implications for all concerned.

 

I had a settling in policy - but I also had transition policy which clearly outlined why it was necessary for the minded child to be able to say good by, have a memory book etc., Also outlined the bereavement process for my own children and how important it was for them to say good by.

 

Sometimes it needs to be spelt out as they are often unaware of the damage that seperation can do to children long term.

 

Wish you all the best

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Hiya, Ive just had the same done to me ! makes you feel awful and also your own kids want to know why ? Not so bad as I see my mindee at school - she came over today and gave me a big hug !! Just the tonic I needed as her mum the previous night had left the invoice/covering letter (ripped in to four pieces) and her memento book ( which she hasnt seen) on the GROUND outside my house ( in the driveway) She was annoyed that I wanted payment for insufficient notice.

 

I would do the memento book and card and pass to grandma. They do need as Nona said for closure on both sides. My mindee hasnt seen hers yet but she will cos I rang the grandma and told her about her daughters appalling behaviour ( apparantly she had been into her mums house a taken it off the table !!) My mindee is really excited that she has something to look at from here time here. Why should the kids suffer for parents inadequacies or fear of upset ? Why does she want to pretend that she never came to you especially after so much time. Go do the memento album she will Love it and you will know youve closed the chapter properly an in the correct manner !! Best wishes :)

Edited by waveawand
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