Guest Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 I've not been around for a while as things have been very busy at work and home - end of year etc. I have also been preoccupied with a problem at work - I was accused of smacking a child in our care. It was an awful time for me - suspended and waiting for the meeting to decide my future. Last week I was informed that I had been completely cleared of any wrongdoing whatsoever and the allegation was made maliciously and purely as a counter against concerns which the staff have had about the child (the children are on CP and the relationship with the family has always been strained). While I feel relieved that the situation has been resolved, I am considering whether I want to continue to work with children when a system set up to protect them can be abused by those who have some sort of axe to grind. I have to say, staff, committee and even the panel who reviewed the accusation have been 100% supportive and have said that the accusation could have been made against any of us - it was the setting being attacked and I happened to be the name that was picked. However, this will still be recorded on my CRB and may come up in the future which seems really unfair. I and all the other staff have worked so hard for this family and it just feels like a huge kick in the teeth which I have taken very much to heart. Dont know if I want to do the job anymore. I went back to work this week but I felt so tense and anxious. If I had done something wrong I would be prepared to take the punishment but I feel so let down and concerned that it may happen again in the future. Probably not being too rational at the moment as I am so tired and worn out but I really dont know if the job is worth all this stress. I loved working with the children but this week I have stepped back and I have been afraid to even let children sit on my lap!!! I am now officially PARANOID, as are the rest of the staff. I have been told that this is a normal reaction and that I should give myself the hols before making any decision. But right now my gut feeling is to resign and look for something else which would be such a shame as I have worked so hard getting my qualifications. The only thing that makes me feel better is all the lovely cards I got at the end of term - one said 'you are my best teacher ever'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 oh bless you hun - what an awful time it must have been for you - at least you had support though i would as others have advised think about it - do not rush into anything...... honest i'm living proof you may regret it. give yourself the summer to re evaluate and get over the awful experience then make a decision. take care xxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belle06 Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 oh mustangsally I am so sorry can not think of words that will make this any easier on you but my thoughts and virtual hugs are sent your way and i hope you start to feel better soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 I know just where you're coming from, mustangsally - paranoia when has set in is very difficult to overcome. I've been through something similar but not as serious and being accused of hitting a child, but the net result was the same. Even though Ofsted didn't uphold the complaint against me, I was left feeling that there was little I could do to protect the children in my care from being injured or otherwise harmed. I looked at the children running around in the sunshine and saw not children having a lovely time but potential accidents. Every time a parent came to talk to me a little part of me wondered whether this would also result in a complaint. In short I completely lost any confidence I had that I was doing a good job. This started at the end of September last year and if I'm honest I'm only beginning to properly emerge now. However its a fragile recovery and with two children falling and breaking their wrists in my setting this term I am still asking myself whether it is all worth it. There is so much responsibility to shoulder and the buck stops with me. However, I have stuck at it because it is difficult to make a rational decision when you're feeling so low about your own personal practice and the stresses and strains of the job itself. It has got better and I am beginning to be able to put my experience into context and understand why it happened. This has taken some generosity of spirit on my part, but ultimately I didn't want one person to dictate the course of my career. I would advise you have a good long holiday, reflect on why the job is so rewarding and on the fact that clearly you have the support of staff and the parents of the children you care for. As you say, you are exhausted because its the end of term but also because of what you have been through - making any decision now might not be in your own best interests. I know that you are an extremely dedicated practitioner who wants the best for the children in your care. Take time to take stock and think very carefully before deciding what to do next. My heart goes out to you, but I know that however hard it may be, you can get through this and rebuild your confidence again. Only you will be able to decide whether this experience is the straw that broke the camel's back, but please don't make any rash decisions that you might later regret. Take care of yourself and make sure you get some good support - you've been through a shocking and traumatic time and you'll need time to get over it. If we can help then of course we will. Virtual hugs are all I can really offer but I do hope you're getting some real ones too. Maz x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Sorry - just noticed how many people have posted in the time it took me to write my thesis. Just can't resist, can I? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 You cannot let this one incident damage your own feelings of self-worth in the long term. If you leave, won't they have 'won'? In a way it's a shame that we have a break now - you need to get right back on your 'horse' and re-prove to yourself that you ARE a good practitioner, you ARE well thought of by everyone else and you ARE making a positive difference in the children's lives. You obviously have an excellent team who support you, so you'll all emerge from this event stronger and wiser people. Read the words on those cards from children and parents; look at the positive comments on your last parent questionnaires and KNOW that you can do this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Sound advice given by the posts already made....I would agree....take stock...a break and then think it all through....you have been through a horrible time and you need to have time to regain your strength.....virtual love, sympathy, empathy and good wishes coming from Somerset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Hugs and kind thoughts coming your way. Do not resign - you've done nothing wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catma Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 However, this will still be recorded on my CRB and may come up in the future which seems really unfair. This is the bit that really gets me - a good friend of mine was accused of something in school about 2 years ago - completely malicious allegation. However because an allegation was made it is on her CRB check now. She has changed jobs but is very fragile every time it has to be sent for. You have my very best wishes and please look after yourself emotionally as well as physically as I have seen first hand the kind of impact this can make on someone. Cx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreamay Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 X sending you a big hug the system NEEDS people like you please take everybodies wondeerful advise and think it through when you have had a break Andrea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 so sorry to hear of the very difficult times you have experienced. all the best for which ever decision you make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 So sorry to hear that you have been through this. At the moment you are suffering from shock, an emotional and mental shock and you need time to recover. You do not need to do anything in a hurry, you have the support of your colleagues so take a break and se how you fell about things later. Dont make any decisions that cant be undone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marion Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 What a terrible time! I listened to someone from the government Children, Schools and Families Committee who said ONLY in our line of work are adults guilty until proven innocent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickymck Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Definately time to take stock, stay positive, think about all those children who have benefited from your care and the positive effect you have had on their lives. Good luck with whatever you decide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MaryEMac Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Just sending you my very best wishes and warmest thoughts. I haven't got the words to help you but then I think that Maz has put it exactly right. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Big hugs from me, too. Any complaint, but particularly a malicious one, feels so personal and affects us for months and years to come. I still think my experience colours my judgement 5 years on. Sometimes situations arise and my first thought is whether this will lead to a complaint! Take time for yourself, rest, relax, recover and see how you feel when you're due back after the holidays - and remember you've had lots of lovely support from family, friends, colleagues and other parents. We're also here if you want to bounce thoughts and feelings off us while you're coming to terms with the whole nasty experience. Take care, Nona X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 It is so hard to pick yourself up and restore your confidence, but you will, in time. You know you have done nothing wrong and should hold your head up high. It's horrible what you have been through so don't make any rushed decisions. Sending 'Cyber Hugs' your way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Thank you all so much for the kind words of support and advice. Nice to know that others have experienced similar and understand how I am feeling. Have decided that I am going back to work in Sept and just see how it goes. My gut feeling is that I wont be able to give 100% though as I will always be looking over my shoulder. Not sure if I can work in that sort of environment. I have been extremely lucky with all the support I received from everyone at work and they are a great bunch and I would be sad to leave but I have to decide what is best for me. Once again, thanks so much to you all. Dont know what I would do without this forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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