Lyanne Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 No, not about managers, committee, etc . But my husband. I work in a charity run preschool - fairly ordinary. We are lucky and have our own building & garden, so don't need to set up/put away each session, but do need to do the maintenance, etc. We've no washing machine, so staff take stuff home & wash it. Whenever hubby sees me bringing stuff home he starts on about how we're the only ones doing anything (not true), why can't manager take stuff home (she does) or sent it to a launderette (we're talking small delicate loads here). Today he saw me getting out some oil pastels to take in. They're mine, I bought them 20 years ago, long before I ever met him, and haven't used them in at least 15 years. But he starts a tirade about why should I bring stuff in? Why don't the others (they do). He is on anti-depressants (though, in my opinion not high enough dosage but won't go back to GP as GP suggested to get adjusted). So I feel bad when I snap back at him, because I know it is partly the depression talking. But it jolly well brings me down. But its also that he, working in a profit making industry, has problems understanding the ethos of not-for-profit industry. Am I alone? Or do others have problems with their significant others attitude towards members' work? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 With you on this one Lyanne! ppp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I got this a lot when I worked as a volunteer while I did my DPP. As it turns out, I applied for and got a job in the setting once I had qualified and a vacancy became available. He still moaned about me taking in old books etc from home and had a similar attitude - why cant they buy it themselves, why dont they take things in (which they all do). He never seemed to object to me doing his accounts when he was self employed which was also on an unpaid basis!! Sally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Oh dear, I cant join you in the moans as I have a very understanding husband......not saying he never moans about the work load I bring home sometimes but on the whole he knows. He is self-employed himself so maybe this has something to do with it, he knows that you have to give a little when it comes to working in such employment where your wages come from the money you get in! and as Tesco say....every little helps! He is probably only thinking on you and doesnt want to see you doing everything....although you know other staff do their share he doesnt see it like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 He's had it all our married life! It was unpaid stuf with the Brownies and Guides initially - at least now there's a salary coming in to offset it all. Acually he's very understanding, comes down and changes lightbulbs (very high stepladder job) and has cut the grass when I've asked. Mends doorknobs, puts mice out, just about anything I ask him to do. Every now and then I stuff a bunch of crisp tenners in his hand (when I do the grocery refund) and he enjoys that bit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Early days of childminding were hard for my hubby. He couldn't stand coming in from work to find the house a mess and if the tea wasn't made he really struggled. He didn't really seem to grasp the concept that late afternoon was my busiest time and I hadn't been sitting watching tv all day while the kids played. I think he also felt like his home was being invaded rather. He's much more used to it now and, fortunately for me he is much more supportive with all the housework, etc now I have a foundation degree to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 My ex could never understand my job. He always used to say things like"why don't you get a proper job", as in working in Tesco or something. Even when I got a fairly well paid full time manager's job he still had time to moan; liked spending the money though didn't he?? Probably one of the contributory factors to us splitting up!!! Lots of diplomacy and patience and counting to 10 needed I think. Good luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I think I have had a bit of both over the years, sometimes when it gets a bit much and I am stressed then understandably my husband gets cross about all the stuff I do at home and the talk of what I have to do! But for most of the time we support each other, his work is stressful and we have to put up with each others moans...just realised I am very lucky as I know I bore him to death sometimes with my 'soap-box' rants about early education ...still I listen to his talk of under floor heating and commercial boilers and I always oooooo and aaaaa in the right places ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Let it wash over you. I've done all the things you do now and had the same response from my hubby. You just have to explain, this is the job, you knew it when you took the job and its not him doing it. I've just applied to do some voluntary work, hubby just looks incredulous, but its tough t*ts really. (Sorry folks, but i get so annoyed when our choices are belittled.) You're doing an amazing job for little pay and hardly any appriciation, hold your heads high. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I think I have had a bit of both over the years, sometimes when it gets a bit much and I am stressed then understandably my husband gets cross about all the stuff I do at home and the talk of what I have to do! But for most of the time we support each other, his work is stressful and we have to put up with each others moans...just realised I am very lucky as I know I bore him to death sometimes with my 'soap-box' rants about early education ...still I listen to his talk of under floor heating and commercial boilers and I always oooooo and aaaaa in the right places ! Parallel lives shirel, hubby is a heating engineer, domestic though, and boy do I get excited at the new goings on in the indusrty :wacko: You're right though, it does work both ways and he's a good 'un really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 (edited) Hi Lyanne I am so lucky, my husband is just used to all of it and it is my own business so I guess that helps. He is incredibly tolerant of all that comes with running a pre-school and will come home from work to find new equipment that needs 'putting together' and will say "oh I'm building tonight then"! My house looks like a 'disaster zone' at times when I have brought a lot of paperwork etc. home! I am also involved in quite a few other things in our small village, always on the 'paperwork' side so he has to deal with all of that too, but he knows I enjoy it all - what I must never, ever do though is volunteer him for anything - that's OK it's just not his thing! He is self-employed too, which I think helps. He has pursued all sorts of hobbies over our 37 years of married life - including playing in a band - this meant that our 'spare' room was full of guitars, amps, speakers - I didn't complain about that so I suppose it's 'swings and roundabouts' really! Depression is such a difficult illness and so hard to understand, of course it can completely change someones character - hopefully the medication will start to work and your husband will soon be feeling much better. Does he have any interests/hobbies that he really enjoys - something that is 'just for him' - I'm sure that helps. Can you find a way of doing the things that you do without him being so aware of what you are doing - may help to avoid the 'confrontation' wihile he is ill. Take comfort in knowing that you can always have a moan to your 'forum friends' - sometimes that is just what's needed! Take care Sunnyday Edited May 12, 2009 by sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 When I go into schools to train teachers, I always make the joke that teaching is the only job where you take your own stuff in from home, rather than 'liberating' items of stationery in the other direction. It always gets a big laugh in recognition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MaryEMac Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I am lucky that my husband is tolerant with my job at playgroup and always has been, but for two of my staff it is different. Their husbands wanted them to get 'proper' jobs but when they were informed that if their wives got a 'proper' job they would have to take their turn on the school runs, the idea of a 'proper' job fell by the wayside!!! Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreamay Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I symphasise it cannot be easy fro you however take comfort from the fact you are not alone!! running a busy preschool and doing degree my husband is no support whatsoever!! I get back from uni very late (doing maths gsce and got a 120 mile round trip)to him in bed watching tv and the pots from the day just piled up ON TOP of the dishwasher. i often think wouldnt it be lovely if he had run my bath made some supper and poured me a large glass of wine!! I am a mature student and am proud of my achievements it hasnt been easy but all he harpours on about is how Im a wuss cos I dont drive on the motorway!!! Ooh you have opened a can of worms mind you its the evening meetings he cant get his head round I think its the wine consumed and the takeaway that does it!!! Your post Mary mirrors some of my staffs partners attutudes. Andrea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyanne Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 So glad to hear I'm not alone! It does make it worse for me at work when the staff who have partners have supportive ones (we get take-aways meals brought in by one girl's hubby!) Sunnyday, I do try to stuff discreetly so's not to upset him, but of course sometimes he finds out and then feels I've been deceiving him... so it gets worse! I got in from uni tonight to find he'd put away the washing up, done the stuff I'd had to leave soaking in the sink, cut the grass (though that is his hobby ), put the washing on the line and given the kids their dinner. So I felt rubbish for moaning about him earlier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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