Susan Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Nothing to add hali, except a hug! Its hard being a parent but its also very rewarding. Hang on to that one and let this go, what good will salt in the sugar bowl really do? When you are calm you'll be able to talk about this rationally and make your point. Its hard being a teenager sometimes, I thought being a girl was hard but its equally tough for the lads and maybe, just maybe he's reaching out to you, not slamming the doors as you fear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Why? what on earth have you done? Oh I shouted at her in my dream.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Haha - you daredevil you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Haha - you daredevil you! But she didn't do any banners for me when it was my birthday! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Leave it behind MrsWeasley. Move on now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted February 22, 2009 Author Share Posted February 22, 2009 oooohh susan i was loking forward to seeing his face - after his first sip Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Oh I shouted at her in my dream.. I've forgiven you Mrs Weasley (for now) Maybe Hali you could forgive your son, he was just trying to 'save face', What he meant to say was, "yes I did have the sugar, why are you asking me when you know, I feel bad about doing something I shouldn't have, so I'm lying so that I don't have to admit to you and myself that I did something I shouldn't have done"....and now I have lied, I've got no way out of it, because I can't admit I've lied because then I'll feel bad again because I've now need to admit to doing two things I know I shouldn't have done" Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 But she didn't do any banners for me when it was my birthday! oi, the guilt trip doesn't work with me, it only works with parents. Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pamgreen Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Parenting teenagers has to be one of the most difficult jobs. Hang in there, it will all come right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 thanks Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliamch Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Big hugs Hali. Sometimes I feel the 'I didn't do it' or 'it wasn't me' types of lies are almost like an automatic defence mechanism, being said literally without thinking, especially when they've been caught out. My eldest has just hit her teens so I'm sure I've got plenty of angst ridden moments to come. At the moment my daughter does tell me when she's in trouble at school or done something naughty etc and talking to other mums I appreciate how rare that is; she says it's because when she does own up to things I don't shout at her(but she is still punished). The other side of that coin is that my younger daughter has said that she doesn't feel her dad loves her as much as he shout's at the eldest one more!!!! I'm very aware I had a lot more freedom at 13 than my daughter has and that might have a lot to do with it, some of the things I got up to as a teen makes even my own hair stand on end, all of which my lovely mum was unaware of - until my brother grasses us up like he did yesterday. As many have said, choose your battles carefully but know that he does love you regardless, and just might have different ways of showing it. I'd also leave the salt thing, but I would do it later on just to have the pleasure of saying 'it wasn't me!' Karrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mundia Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Hope you're feeling happier today Hali. We went to hell and back with our daughter between 17 and 19, you name it she did it. She has always been quick to remind us that the 'social conscience part of the brain doesn't switch on until 21' .. this became her catch phrase! Now that she IS 21, she has settled down, has become human again, and is a pleasure to be with. This phase too will pass Hali, hang on to that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 thanks guys have made two cuppas today - without sugar as i normally do!! ..... no salt either i promise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gezabel Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Big hugs Hali. Sometimes I feel the 'I didn't do it' or 'it wasn't me' types of lies are almost like an automatic defence mechanism, being said literally without thinking, especially when they've been caught out. As a Mum to four sons now aged 30, 29, 27 and 25 if I mentally turn the clock back 12 years I wonder how I actually survived at all I then had 18,17,15 and 13yr olds and WOW you could almost touch the testosterone levels they were so powerful!! It manifested itself in many ways from 'attitude' to rudeness, general stroppiness and many times I wondered what sort of adults they would become and how on earth they would survive in the big world independently and embroiled in all that was me thinking (many times!) what a rubbish mother I was if I couldn't even ensure my children never lied. The 'lying' and I say it in inverted commas because actually I don't know that it was in the true sense of the word. It was more like fibbing and with hindsight I can understand and see good reason for it (though at the time Hali it annoyed and upset me greatly!) The day to day little things like who had the last slice of bread and didn't get another loaf out of the freezer were often met with 4 lots of 'not me' (and don't get me on whose is the wet towel on the bathroom floor )BUT and the big but is that for the really important things each one of them was willing and ready to hold their hands up and admit it was them. For big issues I often didn't have to ask who was responsible they had 'confessed' before that was necessary. They also felt able to tell me of things that bothered them and ask for my advice. I have used the quote above as for me this 'hits the nail on the head' - as your son was finishing the sugar I wonder what his thoughts were - I bet certainly not about the sugar at all - something far more relevant and important to him was going on in his head at that time and when questioned about the sugar the 'best' solution at that point in time was simply to dismiss it. I totally understand how you are upset that he 'lied' but in the great scheme of things I really don't see it as such. Another day and another time you may have got a very different answer. I wish I had someone around years ago to tell me to 'let the small stuff go' as I think it is really sound advice. I have no doubt that your son is NOT a liar and sounds like a great lad who is just very busy being 17 right now and it is tough being 17. Hang on in there Hali it's just a phase of motherhood and it will pass I promise - says she who is the proudest mum in the land about to attend the Met. Police passing out parade of son and heir number three and yes when he was 17 I despaired and wonder what the future held for him and regularly doubted my 'mum' ability! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wolfie Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 (edited) Oh Geraldine, what a wise owl you are - your post is lovely to read! Nothing to add to what everyone else has said really Hali - I too "choose my battles" and "don't sweat the small stuff". Never underestimate your skills as a parent, I'm sure you're a Mum in a million and I'm sure that your son thinks that too, even though you might not think so at the moment. Someone once told me that you tend to "lose" your teenagers for a few years whilst they battle with their hormones and everything else that gets thrown at them during that time - but that they will come back to you when everything finally settles and dies down. I can now see the wisdom of those words with my son who is 20 - we've had a fair few "differences of opinion" over the last few years and times when the only information I got from him seemed to be on a "needs to know" basis ( ) - in other words, he'd better tell me before someone else did - but now he's on the phone or texting me every day, often giving me FAR TOO MUCH information, and it's just lovely. I like to think that I've learnt those lessons and that my daughter gets a fairer crack of the whip from me as a result - though she may tell you different! Chin up Hali, we're all here for you and lots of us have survived to tell the tale... xxxxxxxxxx Edited February 23, 2009 by Wolfie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 thanks Geraldine and Wolfie... i have let it go.. still cant work out why he cant just say 'mum i want sugar in my tea now' though ..but as you say there will be much more important battles to deal with ... and more importantly today a phone call about EYPS - just to finish me off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 ... and more importantly today a phone call about EYPS - just to finish me off Or, given the time, probably not! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 If I put myself in his shoes, I'm thinking "Why would I bother refilling it when I can tell mum I didn't do it and then she'll refill it!" Sometimes it's not about the lying, it's about not wanting to admit you're wrong! He probably knew he should've refilled it, but admitting to that would just be againt his morals!! MrsWeasley, have you ever thought of becoming an advisor to us mum's with teenagers! You could help us see everything from a completely different angle. mrsW.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 i am still trying to find out who put my picture up in the lounge with a bolt (it had obviously fallen down, probably during football practice (yes in my front room) and one of my little darlings couldn't find a nail!!) both children, one of whom is 15, deny all knowledge!! hope things get easier hali, mrsW.x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 Or, given the time, probably not! i know cant believe it - had 7 phone calls today - jumped at every one!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 i am still trying to find out who put my picture up in the lounge with a bolt (it had obviously fallen down, probably during football practice (yes in my front room) and one of my little darlings couldn't find a nail!!) both children, one of whom is 15, deny all knowledge!! hope things get easier hali, mrsW.x oww bless mrsW - mind u sounds like the sort of thing i do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 MrsWeasley, have you ever thought of becoming an advisor to us mum's with teenagers! You could help us see everything from a completely different angle. mrsW.x Sure You all know where I am! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 9th call now - hubby messing me about Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsWeasley Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 9th call now - hubby messing me about We'll be round to sort him out hali! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 9th call now - hubby messing me about Hmm. He's skating on thin ice isn't he - let's hope a nasty accident doesn't befall him! Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 ... and more importantly today a phone call about EYPS - just to finish me off Any news yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Any news yet? That would be a negative, Cait! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Well surely you'll not get one today now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louby loo Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 As a Mum to four sons now aged 30, 29, 27 and 25 Do you have a spare one? I have a daughter 25 that I am looking for a suitable 'mate' for!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Do you have a spare one? I have a daughter 25 that I am looking for a suitable 'mate' for!!!!!!!!!!! Well that probably depends on whether there's salt or sugar in your bowl, louby loo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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