Beau Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it 'In.' 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your cheques, write ' For smuggling diamonds' 7. Finish all your sentences with 'In accordance with the prophecy.' 8. Don't use any punctuation. 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify that your drive-through order Is 'to go.' 12. Sing along at the opera.. 13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.. 15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom. 17. When the money comes out the cashpoint, scream, 'I Won!, I Won!' 18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, 'Run for your lives, they're loose!!' 19. Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Ooh Beau I love it. Some of them made me laugh out loud. Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louby loo Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 seriously thinking of doing the coffee one - appeals to my sense of humour big time!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belle06 Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 They definately made me chuckle Thanks for that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JacquieL Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 :( :wacko: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rea Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Brilliant, I might try some of those Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 They are brill!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Oh dear, this definitely appeals to my sense of humour - welcome to the funny farm, I mean forum! Brilliant, needed a laugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 I have to get cash tomorrow - must try it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Another good one (from the Sainted Steve Wright - I'm now officially old enough to listen to Radio 2) is to go into Marks and Spencer and ask for "that top in extra medium"... Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyMaz Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 I have to get cash tomorrow - must try it!! Talking of cash points, my mum used to be a real Corrie fan. I always remember Hilda Ogden using a cash point for the first time. When the money popped out she leant in real close and said "thank you" to the machine. Classic! Maz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted August 17, 2007 Share Posted August 17, 2007 Oh, Noooooooo --- Which do I do??? How about both? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 Great fun, I loved No 10, but had to read it twice before the penny dropped, I think if I was a waitress and a customer requested this, I would have looked for diet water in the bottled water bar. Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luluj Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 Brilliant! thanks Beau.luluj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 Oh how funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 excellent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 Very funny. I will have to try the water one and i'm not going to tell the family what i'm doing. Can't wait to see their faces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue R Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 Well, I tried the 'I've won' - nobody really took any notice, so obviously people around here are zombies! I will persist - having done it once it can only get easier Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 My husband does the cash point one all the time. He also beeps at strangers as he drives past and waves leaving them wondering who it was. He says to one of the kids that they are not eating this week as it was their turn last week! - this one in a very loud voice usually whilst waiting at the check out in Asda. What I do like though is when we are walking down the street he will say good morning or good afternoon to everyone we meet. Life is never dull with him around although it is often embarassing lol Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MaryEMac Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 When my husband was working away the other week he went for a drink and the man next to him ordered a drink. When asked if he wanted ice ,he asked if they had any fresh cos he didn't like the frozen stuff !!! Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it 'In.' 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your cheques, write ' For smuggling diamonds' 7. Finish all your sentences with 'In accordance with the prophecy.' 8. Don't use any punctuation. 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify that your drive-through order Is 'to go.' 12. Sing along at the opera.. 13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.. 15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom. 17. When the money comes out the cashpoint, scream, 'I Won!, I Won!' 18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, 'Run for your lives, they're loose!!' 19. Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marion Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 Thanks Beau it confirms what people have been telling me for years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 He also beeps at strangers as he drives past and waves leaving them wondering who it was LOL, I also do that one, its actually rather funny in an odd kind of way LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 All these remind me of my husband's late grandfather who we all adored. He would be the one who went into a hardware shop and ask for a 'left-handed bell crank lever'. Once, some years ago, he and his wife (who celebrated their golding wedding) went to visit their middle-aged son who at the time was a well respected senior partner in a solicitors' practice. My husband's grandfather walked up to their son's secretary and in with a 'plum in his mouth' voice asked 'could you tell Mr xxxxxxxxx his parents are here and they'd like to get married!' His poor, long suffering wife!! I have the fondest memories of being told this story many, many times at subsequent family gatherings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Brilliant Beau Will be trying the coffee one - can't wait to see how it affects my Nursery Nurse Back to work today for me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubblejack Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 My 14 year old granddaughter told me that she felt sooooo silly. She just doesn't seem to have learnt anything during her French lessons at school. This year she had to choose her options at school. The French teacher seemed really relieved that she wasn't continuing with French and he said to her "Why have you found this subject so hard". She answered "because I can't understand what they are saying" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alis2son Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I was trying to be all serious reading this forum in work today, and instead i have been laughing and eyes watering as i recognise some of the things my family and friends do. Staff think ive gone mad! I sometimes wave at people when im getting a lift of my friend, if they stare at traffic lights, they mostly wave back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hali Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 fantastic Beau Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.