What do you think?

[narnia]

So: scenario: one of our children is the son of teacher in reception class ( job share, hale the week each). The teacher has had occasion to dislike a child in our setting ( she overheard him call me a 'silly cow'.....which i dealt with.............and she was very shocked by it). Anyway, yesterday, my deputy went to collect the silly cow boy (let's call him Fred for ease of story telling)..........and the teacher told her, in front of other parents, to please tell Fred's mum that he's been very disruptive today, not using THESE ( pulled her own ears and rolled eyes in a dramatic way), has been kicking and lashing out and had tried to bite someone. Make sure she knows and that she needs to teach him to sit still,. My deputy said No, we don't pass on stuff like that I'm afraid. and left with the child. two hours later, the teacher's husband arrived to collect their child and said, 'Oh X told me to remind you about the message for Fred's mum (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).Anyway, as per our policy, we didn't pass it on. Had it been medical etc we would have...or if it was positive comments)

This morning, Fred's mum stoppped us ad was clearly upset.....................teacher had called her over at drop off time and told her about his 'problems'....and hinted that she was having to restrain him. She has told mum that he needs lessons in sitting still and in not hurting the other children. i admitted to mum that we had been asked to pass this on yesterday and i gave her my reasons for not doing so. I didn't tell her that the teacher's husband had been told to remind us about it. Now, i am worried about this child. He can be a bit fidgety, but I have never ever known him to lash out, or indeed to bite, or attempt to bite. His home life is a bit chaotic to say the least. Mum has some work ( looking after oter children which she sometimes does for several days at a time, overnight as well), so Fred is left with dad, who lets him play out at all hours, unsupervised. I strongly worry that the teacher has taken a dislike to him over the way he spoke to me in front of her. She should be coming to collect her son this afternoon and I will make it clear why we don't pass on messages of this kind and why. But what else can i do for 'Fred'. I think it's good old attention seeking...for various reasons to do with home life, where he has a lot of being shouted and sworn at ( I have been told this by neighbours who live either side of him)............poor little chap, i want to help. Oh yes, and i shall tell teacher that it's unprofessional to ask her husbad to pass on messages, even if it's only 'don't forget to tell Fred's mum' etc.......what would you do??

 

[sunnyday]

Goodness me

'Someone' needs some lessons - and I don't mean Fred! I would definitely reiterate that you will not pass on messages of this sort - whether you need to add that her husband should not be 'in the loop' - well surely she knows that :blink:

If it's any help (probably not) - I currently have the 'biggest' attention seeker that I have ever come across in my many (too many) years in the job - I am employing many strategies - not sure they are getting me far.......

As for what you know about his 'home life' - that's a very hard call.......

[Panders]

strangely I too have two attention seekers, one girl one boy, boy brought his mother to tears today! She considered his behaviour to be so bad during the 15 - 20mins she was in with us! It was one of those occasions when we had a little charity fund raiser on and he was just doing everything he could to distract her and get her attention - we did try with him ourselves obviously, but we weren't good enough, being stretched with a couple of others who also thought it a good time to try their luck. Sorry Narnia a bit of hijacking there.

 

As to your problem, I have never been asked to pass on any type of message such as this, and seriously doubt anything could persuade me to either and certainly not in those words. Poor lad as you say chaotic home life doesn't help at all, the 'lashing out' sounds like a desperate attempt on his behalf.

[narnia]

All is well...................teacher has just been to see me, to apologise for her 'unprofessional conduct' as she put it. I said I would happily pass on anything positive... but i will never ever pass on anything relating to poor behaviour and she isn't to ask us to so again.

[Cait]

Well done you! I'm pleased she realised how unprofessional she had been. What the parents who overheard her comments must have thought is anybody's guess!