Need some help with parent expectations and child's manners

[Lucy P]

Firstly, i do know that i have posted this in the wrong forum, however i wanted to post it somewhere that wasnt open to the public and couldn't find another forum that was only accesible to members only!

 

Tonight I have received an email from a parent who would like me to remind my staff that unless their child starts a request with " Please may I have ...........", then she is not allowed the item. Further, even if she does make the request as per the parents wishes, if when the item is given to her, she does not say "thank you" the item must be taken away from her!

 

The parent has noticed that if the child starts with "I want...." then the staff happily give an item to the child. They feel that the child is demanding things and this should not be met with a positive response.

 

The child is just two and her language is developing, however she is not able to construct full sentences as yet, therefore we can see her frustration that even though she is requesting things she is not receiving them. (We see this when she is with parents during drop off and collection, we are not carrying out this practice ourselves)

 

I do understand that her parents want her to be polite and well mannered, however i do feel their expectations, for her age are too high. Also i do not feel comfortable with asking my staff to withold items until she has made a request as per the parents wishes.

 

We always model the correct language, such as, if she requests "I want ...", we respond with "of course you may have...." and as we pass the item to her we will say "thank you" which she will generally repeat.

 

Could any of you point me in the direction of some information to read and possibly pass onto the parent to support me when i need to address this on Monday morning. I know it will be a hard conversation to have and feel that i need a bit of back up from a reliable source that may help the parent see it from a different angle.

 

Any thoughts or suggestions will be greatfully received :1b

[Cait]

Oh it's a tricky one. Could you find some middle ground perhaps where you say say that you understand where they are coming from but if the child says 'please' and 'thank you' then that is all that is expected at this stage of development. This is what you are working with with the other children.

[Upsy Daisy]

I don't know of any research but I do know that children learn far better from adults modelling language for them rather than being forced to use particular words.

I like this explanation http://www.pediatricservices.com/parents/pc-55.htm

I would tell the parents this, explaining that you have considered their request but you believe that your current approach is good practice. In order to comply with their wishes you would have to impose this requirement on all of the children so as not to single their child out and you are not prepared to do that. However you will make sure that you and the other staff model good manners wherever possible.

[Lucy P]

Thank you both so much, that is really helpful. When i received the email i couldnt find the words to explain myself and the approach we take but your replies have helped to put it in perspective.

 

I think my main concern is that i need to be clear about our approach, without it seeming as if i am critising the way the parents are are doing it!

 

Thanks again :1b

[finleysmaid]

we've actually been asked by our salt expert recently (who supposrts one of our little ones) to avoid asking him to say please and thank you as this is not focussing on the speech that he requires.