Boys Socialising

[Guest]

Dear All

At my setting we have noticed the following.

Why is it that a group of boys (4) all coming up to transition in September appear to have limited interaction with fellow peers? Yet cognitively have extensive knowledge and strong skills with parents and adults within the workplace. Questionably their social skills are lacking. This in my opinion would affect their emotional well-being.

Someone from another setting asked me why they have to socialise in groups?! If they are happy is it a problem? Personally unless it is their personal identity I think every encouragement should be given to providing situations for involvement and friendships.

I very much think using sustained shared thinking is the answer anyway.

Anyone else got a view or had a similar experience.

dramapixie

[Susan]

Are they a group together or completely solitary?

[Inge]

Is it not a bit jumping to conclusions to say that when with you they do not appear to have friends/have limited interaction with fellow peers that this is always the case..

 

friendships usually form when there is a shared interest or a liking of the person in some way, perhaps they have not yet found a peer they like or want to be with.. all are off to school could they be feeling the children are too young or too limiting for them. Or could be the opposite, but either way they may never be social in the way you seem to feel they should be.

 

Just because they choose to interact with adults does not in my mind mean they are lacking in social skills.. they must have some to interact with someone..

 

many children need not necessarily have friends in a peer group but do form them in other ways..

 

example.. my son never had friends in his peer group at school not until he went to college at 19 did he find friends in his peer group, he found them all too limiting, without the same interests and did not really want to be friends with them. .. out of school he was very social and had many friends.. all older than he was usually a year above him.. he found more in common with them than his own peers.. and to add to it all when he did make friends most were girls.. he never had an issue with being friends with them, and has always had his best friend as a girl..

 

I do feel it is ok for them to be as they are and I also wonder why you feel this effects emotional well being if they are happy and content as they are? why push anyone to be social to people they may not really like..

Edited January 18, 2012 by Inge

[enuffsenuf]

Dear All

At my setting we have noticed the following.

Why is it that a group of boys (4) all coming up to transition in September appear to have limited interaction with fellow peers? Yet cognitively have extensive knowledge and strong skills with parents and adults within the workplace. Questionably their social skills are lacking. This in my opinion would affect their emotional well-being.

Someone from another setting asked me why they have to socialise in groups?! If they are happy is it a problem? Personally unless it is their personal identity I think every encouragement should be given to providing situations for involvement and friendships.

I very much think using sustained shared thinking is the answer anyway.

Anyone else got a view or had a similar experience.

dramapixie

 

This behaviour is in fact an example of socialisation into our society...we live in a society where it is deemed innapropriate for men to be seen touching each other, sharing emotions etc for fear of homophobic tendencies...thus we actively encourage our boys from birth to with hold their interaction with other children (especially boys) whereas it is seen as "the thing women do" to encourage our girls to be close, touching when playing and sharing closeness....hence our boys are socialised NOT be emotional etc. This was covered quite extensively on my recent open university course U212 & KE312. We as practitioners can do our bit but the babygrow experiment shows how from birth boys and girls are presented with different handling, vocal interaction and expectations....until our society embraces an alterantive perspective by the time they go into school boys and girls will not display the same skills because they are not expected to by parents et al.

[Guest]

Are they a group together or completely solitary?

Hi

Yes they tend to be solitary. We can see from observations that we have taken since back in January that they show a desire to be involved i.e watching, following and standing nearby but just not knowing what they can or should do.

I totally believe that if a child feels quite comfortable with his choice of socialising then I would have little concern for his well-being but if my many observations show me different behaviour then of course we should be reacting and applying techniques to assist their development.

The book "Boys and Girls Learn differently" by M. Gurian is a fascinating read and full of consideration whether you agree or disagree.

 

dramapixie

[mundia]

Hi Dramapixie.

If you are concerned about these boys' emotional development, have you considered doing some observations using the Leuven scales of well being and involvement? They can be found here

 

If you do a few short observations across a few days, you will see if their well being is low and high at different parts of the day or during different activities.

You may then find there are some higher scores that you can build on.

[finleysmaid]

drampixie this is obviously concerning you and therfore there may be an issue here which needs to be explored...what have you already tried? has it worked in part? do these boys enter nursery happily are engaged and involved (as per previus post!) or are they showing signs that there is a need here? i think we do need to keep in mind that not all children (or adults) will have a large friendship group and they will be content with this...also are these all first siblings?

[lashes2508]

Hi Dramapixie.

If you are concerned about these boys' emotional development, have you considered doing some observations using the Leuven scales of well being and involvement? They can be found here

 

If you do a few short observations across a few days, you will see if their well being is low and high at different parts of the day or during different activities.

You may then find there are some higher scores that you can build on.

 

I was wondering who else uses leuven scales as only recently made aware of them , our SEnco was going to use them but then has not implemented , can i ask do you find them helpful and how do you evaluate and implement your findings ??

[mundia]

I was wondering who else uses leuven scales as only recently made aware of them , our SEnco was going to use them but then has not implemented , can i ask do you find them helpful and how do you evaluate and implement your findings ??

 

 

Sadly, lashes, I could talk for England on the Leuven scales and the impact of using them. Im a big fan!

I think what matters most is looking at what do the scores tell you, and what do you do about it? It might sound a bit obvious, but its so easy to record the scores and then neatly file them away in learning diaries.

[Guest]

Hi Dramapixie.

If you are concerned about these boys' emotional development, have you considered doing some observations using the Leuven scales of well being and involvement? They can be found here

 

If you do a few short observations across a few days, you will see if their well being is low and high at different parts of the day or during different activities.

You may then find there are some higher scores that you can build on.

Thanks for that. Before I read this reply I did in fact go and do just that. Interestingly enough just before snack around 10.30 they all waivered with less engagement and energy. (snack time was due and two of them were the first up) It marginally improved afterwards but I would say this factor also is worth a mention. It's like opening up a can of worms!!

[Guest]

drampixie this is obviously concerning you and therfore there may be an issue here which needs to be explored...what have you already tried? has it worked in part? do these boys enter nursery happily are engaged and involved (as per previus post!) or are they showing signs that there is a need here? i think we do need to keep in mind that not all children (or adults) will have a large friendship group and they will be content with this...also are these all first siblings?

Good point! Out of the four one comes in carried by his father but has recently made an attachment to another younger boy of similar personality identity I would say, so that's going in the right direction. The oldest one is a first and probably only child and the youngest one has a baby sister so is a first. Those two generally come in happy and engage in their own play on and off and make a big effort to search out adults for reassurance or sharing of knowledge. The last one in the middle age bracket has an older sister, then a brother followed by a younger sister. He clearly is desperately trying to get involved, less anxious now on arrival but when approached by anyone be it adult or peer clams up. Mum is now on board and working with us and we are starting to see some results. I have had experience of the older brother which was quite similar and still has difficulties following on into further education. I have a good relationship with the other three mums too and piecing it all together I think its a juggle with what the mum expects, what the child wants and how we bring that all together. I just find it fascinating.