Parent Refusing To Sign An Incident Form

[mrsbat]

Today during the session a child pushed another child off his chair which resulted in a nasty bang to the head. Child refused to say it was him who pushed until right at the end of the session so an incident form was filled out.

 

Got mum in at the end of the session and explained although no one witnessed it the child admitted to pushing the other child off the chair. Without saying any names to her the mum said that **** had pushed her child yesterday and it was the same child who had been pushed off the chair (this is after mum coming in to say her son had said it was someone else yesterday).

 

We explained that regardless of what happened yesterday the fact was that her child had hurt another child and admitted to it, we then asked her to sign the form but she refused to saying it wasn't an incident as she tells her child that if someone pushes them they are to push back!!

 

we were rather flabbergasted and said we really don't encourage that sort of behaviour but obviously we can't tell her what to do in her own home. Mum still refused to sign the form and left.

 

I want to go prepared tomorrow to talk to her - I should have done it today but words just failed me!

 

I'll show her the form again and tell her that in the past when a child has hurt her son we have filled in an incident form for the other parent to sign etc. I'll also make a point of the fact we are severely against retaliation and that the school come down even harder on it than us. BUt what can I do about the form? do I just write that parent refused to sign it? what if something comes up in the future (not sure what) and this incident is raised again and she just denies being told about it?

 

Any advice would be gratefully appreciated

[Cait]

It may sound a bit flippant - and it's not intended to be, but could you ask her to sign something to say that she won't sign the form?

 

No, that's a bit silly, isn't it. In this instance I'd log that she's refused to sign the form and make a note of the reasons she gave, I'd probably get it countersigned by a deputy.

 

In the past I have had a parent who said she'd told her son he had to 'bat back' and I did challenge her on it and 'won'. I made the point that once her child goes to school it will definitely be frowned upon so it's best that he doesn't have to 'unlearn' something. Also made the point that it's generally the 'bat back' that gets spotted by the 'teacher'!

[Inge]

I would do as Cait suggested.. have someone with you to verify that she is refusing to sign and write this on it with both signatures.. you will need the other person to hear her refusal and not just your say so.. I would probably also make sure she is aware you are adding this to the incident form..

 

as to the retaliation.. or tit for tat.. could also point out that should her son be the instigator how would she feel if the other child retaliated... would she be willing to shrug it off as now or want to take it further.. you cannot have your child do something and not expect the same behaviour to them to have a different outcome..

 

and I lost track of the number of times my son was in trouble just for sidestepping something.. not even retaliating.. had he retaliated it would have been a lot worse..

[mrsbat]

Thanks both of you.

 

cait I did think of typing something up with the incident details and writing on there that the parent was not happy to sign the original incident form, the reasons why and then getting her to sign it..........

 

I will definitely challenge her on the tit for tat aspect of it.

 

She is forever coming in saying so and so has hit/pushed/kicked her child so maybe next time i'll just turn round and say that's fine we didn't worry about it because your child pushed first! (obviously I wouldn't lol but it's how she makes us feel)

 

I'll let you know what happens tomorrow

[Cait]

Ooh yes do!!

[Guest]

could you clarify with her that she is not signing to say she is happy/agreeable about it but that the signature is for showing that she has been told about it.

 

We have a comments box underneath the signature part (stimulated from a similar situation as yours) and funnily no-one has ever filled it in!! think they just like to know that it's been considered!

 

best of luck!!

[Cait]

That's a good point actually, Gingerbreadman, she could have misunderstood what she was signing

[Guest]

I used to write my incident reports as I spoke with the parent, writing what I said to the parent ie: details of the incident, then also writing the parents response / comment, then any agreed actions if required. I would sign and date and ask the parent to sign and date under my signature. This method enabled them to understand that the signature was for a record of the verbal reporting of the incident and the parents response.

I used to find that parents felt 'heard' because their comments were recorded rather than just having a report of an incident without any chance to record their response.

 

If you think that this may take too long you can have the details of the incident prepared prior to speaking with the parent, read word for word and then just write parents responses during the meeting plus any agreed actions etc. This method also helps parents to make 'considered' responses as they knew the system was that their responses would be recorded.

 

 

Peggy

[Beau]

I think some good points have been raised here. Sometimes we are so familiar with our policies and procedures that we forget that some parents may not have a full understanding of what we are recording and why. It is certainly a reminder that we mustn't be too complacent about explaining what may seem quite routine to us.

[Fredbear]

Thank you Peggy for that, certainly another way to record whilst giving parents/carers time to respond and then to sign.