Needed Somewhere To Share My Thoughts

[Sue R]

I've only just picked up on this, Nicky - challenges of my own!- but I echo everything that's been said.

 

Sending love and prayers

 

Sue

 

PS Sorry about your dad, Rea x

[Gezabel]

Just sending my love and thoughts to you and your family.

 

I understand the 'guilt' feeling about having time away from school but think that sometimes in life 'something has to give' and in order to deal with your own health problems and support your girls maybe it is school that 'has to give' right now even if for a little while.

 

I have a good friend who was in a similar position and though she did a good job whilst at school teaching her class she was under tremendous stress from several different quarters but kept on not taking time off because she didn't want to let the school/children/parents down. I went into nagging mode but it did no good, I begged her to go to the GP and to cut a long story short she did eventually go but almost when it was too late and she ended up having 9 months off work. The school were superb, got supply in and kept in constant touch with my friend. All is well now and she is back at work but had she taken time off earlier it wouldn't have been such a lengthy abscence.

 

Sorry not lecturing just giving another side

[Upsy Daisy]

Geraldine makes a very good case for looking after yourself.

 

You must take care of yourself for your sake and for the sake of those who rely on you. You need to accept that you're not superwoman, if you need time off work, take it and stop feeling guilty. If you look after yourself you will be better able to look after the others and be back in work doing a good job all the sooner.

 

Being signed off happens because you need it not because you feel like a bit of an extended holiday. Make sure that you use this time to recuperate properly and don't go back until you are ready. The children at school need someone who is in a fit state to do a good job and your children need a mum who is there when they need her.

 

How could it possibly be better for anyone for you to resign? You are entitled to that time off and I'm sure your colleagues would rather see you take it than leave altogether. Remember that your head can find a supply teacher. Your children can't find a supply mum.

 

I know it's a lot easier to give this sort of advice than take it but we can't all be wrong

 

Relax and look after yourself as much as you can this week and, if you need longer, do everyone a favour and take it.

 

I hope things all start to look more rosy soon.

[Susan]

Nicky I have been in a very similar position to where you are now and understand all the "I must resign" thoughts that you are having but as Jacquie says that is only a short term solution.

 

Take the time you need now, to recover from your leg infection and the stress you are under and do not go back to school until you are ready to cope with those demands too.

 

I imagine from the posts you have made that you may very well need to rethink your job too, maybe a change of school is on the cards but do not take any action that you may later come to regret---its easier to get a job from an employed position than not.

If things get nasty at school, ask for support from your union.

 

Good luck and hope you will feel better soon.

[Guest]

Remember that your head can find a supply teacher. Your children can't find a supply mum.

 

 

I'm so sorry to here about what's happening to your ex-husband, it must be so hard on you and your children. I do echo Upsy Daisy's sentiments though as being the most important thing to consider right now. If you carry on running yourself into the ground in the end the thing that gives will be you, possibly just at the time when your children need you the most. Please please take the opportunity now to make work the thing that gives, not by resigning but just getting yourself signed off for a while. Yes you might feel guilty about letting the school and your class down, but ultimately you and your own children must come first.

 

I hope things get better for you soon.

[Guest]

Nicky, sorry to hear things are still tough at the moment. I'm sending positive vibes to you, your daughters, your hubby and your ex-husband!

 

Please take the week to look after yourself, rest and recover. Your family can't afford you to go under but school can arrange supply.

 

I'd be very surprised if your Head would accept your resignation, knowing the stress you are under at home. It would probably leave them wide open to all sorts of repercussions if it was later felt you'd made that decision under pressure.

 

See how you feel in a few days and talk things through with your GP before making any decisions.

 

BE KIND TO YOURSELF!

 

Nona X

[emmajess]

Nicky - I'm so sorry that I missed your original post and that this is my first opportunity to send you my love and virtual hugs. I really feel for you, such a lot going on at once - it's hard to know where to start when you're in the middle of all that you end up going round in circles and feeling like you're failing in all departments - well you're not! As everyone has already said you are feeling so strongly about all of this because of being such a lovely person and wanting to look after everyone. I'm so pleased you've got the time signed off from work - don't feel bad about it and really use the time wisely, to recuperate and be with your children - not to worry about school! If you're not ready to go back after the initial length of time thedoctor's signed you off for, go back to the doctor and take all the time you really do need. I will be thinking of you and your family, including your ex-husband - take lots of care of each other.

lots of love to all of you xxx

[Guest]

Hi,

Feel worse than ever today and now being hassled by school for some work and folders that I have at home. School secretary rang and she apologised for ringing (am getting my husband to answer phone at all times) and said that the monitoring and coaching week we were meant to be having this week is still going ahead and could my husband take in lots of things tomorrow. So speant part of the morning sorting things out but will need to carry on working later on. It's not that I haven't done things just that they aren't all organised in neat foldersn and in a presentable way for the head. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. feeling very trapped and ex-husband worse again and needs further operation this Thursday and now they think he may have skin cancer on his bum cheek which is likely to require treatment.

So have come on here to offload a bit and have rung my GP and burst into tears on phone and have an apt at 4pm. Thanks for all your support and advice

 

Nicky Sussex

[Upsy Daisy]

Oh Nicky I really feel for you.

 

You really really need to hand over everything to school and switch off that aspect of your life at the moment. I'm really glad that you're seeing your GP again today. The fact that you burst into tears just goes to show how much stress you are under. Make sure that you take your GP's advice and if he/she offers to sign you off again please accept it.

 

I hope that things improve for you soon.

 

xx

[Panders]

Oh dear Nicky, what an awful time you've been having BUT, you are doing the right things by staying off work and seeing GP tonight, do make sure you tell GP everything that is going on and how it is making you feel, there are no miracles and it will all take time, but at some point things will begin to look up for you all.

[HappyMaz]

I just wanted to say that I think you're amazing.

 

If your doctor signs you off again, please take the time to get fully fit again. Once your husband takes all that stuff into school hopefully they'll leave you alone!

 

In the meantime, feel free to come and have a rant on here whenever you need to!

 

Take care

Maz

[Guest]

Nicky I really feel for you at this sad and stressful time. You were right to post your feelings and worries here as this lovely lot are the best at supporting us all.

 

I am not very good at comforting words but I send you virtual hugs, cuppas and gooey biscuits.

 

I shall be thinking of you and your family and hope that a little brightness, no matter how small, comes your way soon.

 

Take care

 

ppp

[HappyMaz]

Never underestimate the value of a gooey biscuit, P³!

 

Maz

[Guest]

Hi,

Just back from dr who was lovely and just let me talk and cry. He said that I do need to think about me as well as everybody else and if I still feel like this on Thursday just ring him and he will sign me off again. I am going to try and get all the school stuff finished tonight even if I then sleep all day tomorrow as I am NOT going to give the head any thing to moan about. (just really worried about her as she has a habit of attacking staff and picking on them when they are feeling under pressure and 21 teachers have left in the last 7 years in a single entry primary school ie only 7 classes, but no-one listens when we say anything and she always creates reasons why staff have left eg they felt it was right to work nearer home, have a time out etc) but don't have the energy to fight her at the moment.

 

Thanks for your support and yes may well need to come and scream on here again

 

Nicky Sussex

[Guest]

Hi,

My older daughter has just spontaneously and without reading any posts here brought me a goey biscuit so great minds do think alike.

 

Nicky Sussex

[Beau]

Nicky, don't worry about the head teacher at the moment and definitely don't let yourself be bullied! If you continue to be contacted and pressurised make sure you log all the incidents just in case. Take care. x

[Upsy Daisy]

Your head can't attack you if you hand everything over and don't answer the phone to her. You need to do what you need to to put school on one side. Make sure you ring on Thursday and get signed off again. I can't imagine anyone who could need it more.

 

Your daughter sounds like she gets her caring ways from you so you should be very proud.

 

Take care

 

xx

[sunnyday]

I just wanted to say that I think you're amazing.

 

Well I'll second that!

 

Really hope things start to look up for you and your family soon........

 

So glad that you are being kinder to yourself, do get 'signed off' again........your Head should not be bothering you while you are 'sick'.......do keep a note of what she is doing - just in case you ever need it.

 

Take care and God bless

[Susan]

Nicky, please contact your union and tell them what is going on. They wont intervene without your instructions but they may be able to give you some help and guidance. (Not your school rep if you have one, but someone higher up)

[Guest]

How awful that the head is harrassing you whilst you are supposed to be off sick and under such pressure. Isn't it actually illegal for work to contact someone who is signed off sick? Do keep a record of the incidents and get your union involved if neccessary. Oh and please please get yourself signed off for longer on Thursday, you're going through so much and you're obviously such a strong person but even the strongest of us need some time for ourselves.

[Guest]

What an awful lot you are having to deal with at the moment *enormous virtual hugs*.

 

As far as school work is concerned - you are off work, and you shouldn't be feeling like you need to do stuff (been there, and for most teachers that's like saying we should stop breathing! but its true). School exists without us, I have worked for some truely awful heads. But if you hand over the stuff - in whatever format its in - unfinished, unfiled, (it doesn't matter) then you have done MORE than can be expected of someone who is not well enough to work at the moment.

 

Please don't rush going back because you feel guilty staying off - you'll know deep down when you are ready (and I've had 2 different but lengthy absences for health reasons) and you'll always need to be able to 'hit the ground running' when you get back to class. Concentrate on being the great mum you are and on giving your girls the attention and tlc that they need - and don't forget about getting some for yourself too.

 

Lucyhobbit

[Guest]

Hi,

Worse day today and so went back to GP who has signed me off for a month with stress and wants to see me again in a couple of weeks. Had to get past Receptionist who said "when she came for her blood test earlier today she didn't say anything" but my husband persisted and got an apt and GP was lovely. Prescribed a month to rest, recover, re-energise or jsut do nothing and then review things at that point. Also cried on a friend who is a Counsellor, life coach who said she will help me get the real me back and then sat and helped me sort some school stuff out. Husband rang school and Deputy head spoke as head was out she was initially a bit abrupt and then very supportive esp when she realised quite what was happening and started to talk abotu how she felt when her mum was very ill and died.(so husband felt there was at least some empathy and support there). Agreed I would sort things from school list and send in by Monday so that removes pressure of today and makes it slightly more realistic and then I can forget about school for a bit. But definitely won't forget abotu being on here and the lovely support and kind words and thoughts from you all. Please keep them up as next few weeks could be pretty tuff, ex-husband has further op on leg tomorrow as it's opened up and lots of nasty flesh etc and new husband has sinus op next Thursday.

 

Thanks again for keeping me going

Nicky Sussex

 

PS rang my union and wasn't very helpful an unhelpful man told me to speak up as he couldn't hear me and then said well I can't help much today. BUT phoned the teacher support network number which is a national helpline for teachers etc and spoke to a calm, helpful, supportive woman who then emailed me and said she would keep in touch.

[HappyMaz]

So glad to hear you have such a sensible doctor, and it sounds as if you have people around you who will be there for you both emotionally and in practical ways - you deserve as much support as you can get.

 

You sound so much more positive - as if you can begin to see the wood for the trees. Hopefully before long you'll notice how fragrant the flowers are too!

 

Take care

Maz

[Panders]

Oh Nicky - so pleased to learn you are at last being able to have some proper rest planned for. Hope the ops go well for ex and new hubby. Put behind you everything that you don't need to concentrate on and try to do at least one positive thing for yourself each day. Lots of hugs coming your way!

Take care

[sunnyday]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.......

[Susan]

Sorry to hear your union were unsupportive Nicky, not what you needed and not my experience although of course we may well be in different unions!

 

Dont whatever happens feel guilty now about not being at school--long term absences are easier for schools to sort and finance that shorter ones.

 

Take care of yourself and of your loved ones.

[Guest]

Nicky, BIG, BIG hugs to you and all your family.

 

So glad to hear that your lovely GP has given you the time off you so badly need.

 

My Head Teacher friend is very cross you've been contacted and put under pressure to complete school work. In his words "bang out of order" apparently if the information is SO important they should have arranged for someone to come and collect it from your home, at a pre-arranged time, and he'd have expected them to come bearing flowers and good wishes!!!! He suggested getting your hubby to phone school again tomorrow and tell them calmly but firmly that you are not well enough to work and ask for someone to come and collect the stuff asap. You'll feel better when it's out of your home - definitely "out of sight, out of mind!"

 

Try your union again and ask to speak to someone else, I have 2 friends who are reps for 2 different unions and are very willing to offer generic advice if that would help?

 

Concentrate on you and your family. You are doing a wonderful job supporting everyone else but remember what happens when the foundations rock? If you go down, you'll take everyone else with you! remind yourself of that if you feel even the tiniest twinge of guilt about school!! Family first and foremost!

 

Take care, I'll be thinking of you,

 

Nona X

[Beau]

Nicky, I understand that you feel you want to complete the work for the school but please only do as much as you are able and no more. And if thats none then thats what they'll have to take and put up with it. It is unforgivable to cause you all this extra stress when you are clearly struggling.

 

Big hugs. xx

[Guest]

Hi Nicky, you've been in my thoughts today. Hope things went well for your ex and that you're feeling as ok as can be expected?

 

Nona X

[Guest]

Hi,

just wanted to scream for a minute or two. Sorry. Had a really tough day with the girls at home and the operation on thursday didn't go as well as hoped so won't even consider taking them to visit this weekend. The op took longer and he had a massive nose bleed during and after the op and then blood pressure dropped, needed oxygen etc. He is in more pain and can't walk so back to where he was 4 weeks ago. His DAd and step mum finally went to visit today but I made the mistake of mentioning that to the girls who then got upset because last time they saw ex's parents they had a row and got cross with my ex. BUT he survived so that's a good thing and girls don't know much about this week as we have said that the hospital were going to try some new treatment to join Daddy's wound on his leg back togther. But today I just feel useless, no help to anyone and even the thought of goign to the supermarket yesterday terrified me (luckily my husband realised and offered to come and help me.) just hate feeling like this and feel so guilty about letting other people down. I need to get a couple of bits of school work finished tomorrow and then it's all going into school on Monday so at least that will be one less reminder of how I am failing in my job etc.

 

Sorry just needed to come and moan to someone other than my husband who is being fantastic but looks very tired tonight and has just popped out to walk the dog.

 

Thanks for your continued support

Nicky Sussex