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I'm Feeling Very Low. Negative Comments From Class Teacher.


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Hi All,

 

I'm well and truly fed up i work in a pre school and also do a few hours in the schools EY unit im studying for my FDEY and have only been in the school since September, to get a few more hours in, but i've been told by another person that the class teacher has said im far to soft with the children!

 

This as all come about because an 4yr old was very upset and distressed at having to wear a costume and sit on the stage for our nativity, the class teacher bellowed at hm and this made matters worse, I tried to go for a comprimise and for him only to wear the tunic and not the hat, has this is what was causing the issue! I thought i'd dealt with it ok and everyone was happy but apperently not...

 

The way i work in the playgroup and have done for the last 10yrs is to reason with the child and not shout down at them but it would seem im wrong and have been for the past 10yrs...

 

I'm dreading tomorrow, im not brave enough to say something to her,

 

Do you think we should be harder on the children and shout at them.. Ive always gone for the positive behaviour route but am seriously doubting myself now and feeling very wounded...

 

sorry for the little moan

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A wise old HT once said to me that shouting at children doesn't get you anywhere.

Shouting at children is a big no no and shows that you are unable to communicate effectively with them. From what you said, it doesn't seem as though the little boy had done anything wrong.

You don't want a relationship with your children based on fear, surely? I am calm with the children in my care and as a result they are happy well behaved children.

 

Stick to your guns!

 

ppp

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Do you think we should be harder on the children and shout at them.. Ive always gone for the positive behaviour route but am seriously doubting myself now and feeling very wounded...

You know the answer to this one already - and that your behaviour management techniques are sound. We're talking about a distressed four year old - shouting at him is likely to make matters worse and not better.

 

It sounds like there are very different expecations for children's behaviour in the two settings you work with - I don't know what it is like to run a classroom and what stresses the teacher might be under. However I do think that if the teacher has a problem with the way you are handling discipline in her classroom then she should speak to you about it and not to a third person - no wonder you're feeling wounded.

 

If you really don't want to raise the subject with her then this is going to be a difficult situation to resolve - but in any case she might just be feeling the pre-Christmas stress that happens to us all this time of year and this might be an isolated incident. Is there a chance that she was just having a spectacularly bad day? Or does she routinely shout at the children?

 

Keep plugging on, mk5698 - you have the best interests of the children at heart and I'm sure you're good at what you do. Try not to let your confidence be knocked. Tomorrow is another day!

 

Take care

Maz

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Guest woodentop

you poor thing. I have worked with teachers that shout and bellow and teachers that just need to raise an eyebrow. No one should shout at a child unless it is a last resort and they really need to know you mean it. I hate raising my voice, but have to sometimes, but always try reasoning with the child first, I only do it if I really have to. I have had to stop myself ftom really having a go at one teacher as she seems to do it all the time, it is embarrasing to see, frightening for the children who have to see it and almost bullying. :o we should be good role models.

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I've been told to my face that I'm too soft and even to 'leave her alone she only wants attention' in a baby room. We all have our own expectations I guess but my rule to myself is to treat all children the way I would want mine treated, when I told the NN this she backed down saying 'oh you know what I mean'. I didnt but decided my point had been made. Dont change how you work for the sake of one person. You've been doing this long enough to know how different statedgies work with different children. Some take shouting without a problem, others need the chat like you gave today. I bet you feel better at the end of aday than the teacher who shouts.

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I can only agree with what others have said. You know that shouting is not the right approach.

 

I also work on the principle that I treat other people's children the way I would wish my own to be treated. I have suggested to other members of our profession that, if they wouldn't do it in front of the parents, they shouldn't be doing it.

 

Carry on being positive, calm and professional and, as she has not addressed the issue with you directly, assume that she is happy with your approach.

 

You never know she may notice that your approach works :o

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hi, thanks for the kind words, she does regulary shout at them and gets very cross, if they do anything shes not happy with, the child in question had done nothing wrong just, didnt want to wear the outfit!

 

I dont think they should be forced to, and she says it's my children that kicked off, being the younger ones (3-4yrs) that im working with, but when they are well behaved they are her children!

 

trouble is if i speak out i may say something i will regret,

 

The boy is very shy and timid and sometimes cant sit still for a minute and i was so proud of him that he sat there, sang the songs and eventually smiled, i felt it was a massive achievment for him after the way we started off and gave him loads of praise.

 

Shouting at him just doesnt work he shrinks into himself and just says NO and they lashes out at you, we had none of that behaviour so i felt i'd done a good job and we had achieved something. but now all i feel a big dissapointment and totally let down.

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just, didnt want to wear the outfit!

 

 

This reminded me of my youngest. One Christmas when he ws about 3, he stood on the stage with all his friends, facing the parents, grandparents and others in the room. He then threw his hat to the ground and proceeded to kick it all around the stage. Your approach was better than mine, I scowled and mouthed at him and the playleader had to take him off the stage.

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I can only agree with what others have said. You know that shouting is not the right approach.

 

I also work on the principle that I treat other people's children the way I would wish my own to be treated. I have suggested to other members of our profession that, if they wouldn't do it in front of the parents, they shouldn't be doing it.

 

Carry on being positive, calm and professional and, as she has not addressed the issue with you directly, assume that she is happy with your approach.

 

You never know she may notice that your approach works :o

 

 

I have worked on that principle too, having two boys both grown up now, shes always saying that she would employ me as a nursery manager for her. but then i hear this i dont know what to think anymore.

 

sorry to blow my own trumpet, but ive had a real success story with a girl going down the sticker route when she's done as asked and responded o instructions, she really tried my patience and i did end up raising my voice to her something i hate doing, when i have had to raise my voice i always say " i've had to use my loud voice, and thats made me sad" and explain why and what aspect of their behaviour im not happy with. not sure if this correct but it worked with my boys and also all my nieces and nephews. its the only way to gain respect.

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Shouting? No. A firm word in some cases as I am having to do at the moment :o is acceptable, but I can only echo what the others have said. YOU are in the right. Stick to your guns and don't let the b**********s get you downx

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dont worry about being too soft I dont ever remember people being reported to social services for being too soft,

I do know of cases where staff have been reported to shouting at children,

 

so ask yourself which it worse?

 

theres a time for strict and shouting when its an issue of safety or emergencies but when a teacher is shouting at a 4 year old to put their costume on thats bullying.

 

at the time that teacher might have felt undermined, you managed to sort the situation but went against what she was trying to do, it might take her a while to realise that she went over the top shouting at the child and you did the right thing by stepping in and calming the situation

 

you did the right thing.

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Do you think we should be harder on the children and shout at them.. Ive always gone for the positive behaviour route but am seriously doubting myself now and feeling very wounded...

 

My opinion on whether we should shout at the children is a 100% NO

 

PLEASE do not doubt yourself, I could have wept at the mere thought at a 4yr old being yelled at in the situation you describe ( or any situation for that matter)

 

This is something I had a issue with very recently in my setting and the bottom line is that someone was told that if they want to shout at children they are working in the wrong preschool!!! I won't tolerate it under any circumstances. Irrespective of what children do/don't do they deserve to be spoken to in language they understand and in a calm manner - sorry it's a bit of a soapbox issue for me

 

Chin up and try to keep smiling

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I wonder if her response about you 'being to soft' is because she's a bit jealous of what you managed to achieve - so she's trying to make herself feel better / justify her behaviour management??

 

Stick to what you're doing, you know its right - like you, I have a big voice for a emergency and always discuss with the children how sad I am about having to use it :)

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I wouldn't give it another thought............................but of course, i would be worried about her yelling at the children.I'm one of those for whom a raised eyebrow seems to work! I DO reserve the right to shout, but ONLY in an emergency situation and it's something that rarely happens.............in fact, visitors to our setting often comment on the calm, happy atmosphere. Children who are yelled at learn only one thing really..............that the person who is shouting is not worthy of respect, either because the child ends up fearing that person, or they learn to ignore them, because the shouting is such a part of that persons make-up that it jsut goes over the child's head.Either is not something to be proud of!

Sounds to me like this teacher is a bit of an old-school baggage......keep on with your way, the children will remember you for all the right reasons, and her for all the wrong ones!

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Do you think we should be harder on the children and shout at them.

 

A resounding NO from me too.

 

You are doing the right thing and I think you already know this.

 

Your practice is like everyone else on this forum.....using negotiation, sensitivity and responsiveness in dealing with a little child's needs. Well done you!

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I agree with everything thats been said! One of the little boys in our Nursery has some behaviour issues at the moment - when the HT shouts at him, he shouts back!!! I explained to her the other day that we get far more from him if we 'talk' to him, (if an adult shouted at me I'd want to shout back too). She didn't seem too happy but seemed to take it on board. Teachers do get stressed but I don't think shouting helps although I do occasionally resort to shouting, but like a previous posting has already said I explain that I've had to get out my 'shouty' voice and how that makes me very sad! In reply to the post that said about a child 'just wanting attention' - a recent lecture I attended (from an Ed. Psych) explained that everybody NEEDS attention - food for thought?

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A resounding NO from me too.

 

You are doing the right thing and I think you already know this.

 

Your practice is like everyone else on this forum.....using negotiation, sensitivity and responsiveness in dealing with a little child's needs. Well done you!

 

 

Agree, agree, agree. I have been teaching now for 33 years and in that time have seen alot of teachers working. ALL the BEST respect the children, treat them consistently, are calm, patient and remember that THEY are the adults and so behave accordingly.

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Sounds to me like this teacher is a bit of an old-school baggage......keep on with your way, the children will remember you for all the right reasons, and her for all the wrong ones!

 

 

thanks eveyone for your support and kind words, the teacher is only young (28) has no children of her own, the school is her second school since gaining QTS.

 

I have found out that shes said the same thing about the ETA who only started in the unit at the same time as myself, she's NNEB trained and has worked in playgroups for the past 15 yrs and was the manager of her last place. (I have taken a lot of soliace from this info) I have never heard the ETA raise her voice shes a very calm person, and shes of the same opinon as me that children should not be forced to do something when distressed/upset.

 

I'm thinking now, that you are all right and it's her with the problem and not me and the ETA!

 

I'm smiling! merry christmas everyone.

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I'm thinking now, that you are all right and it's her with the problem and not me and the ETA!

Good girl - you know it makes sense!

 

Sometimes you just need someone else to point out the obvious really, don't you? Glad to hear that your faith in your knowledge and abilities has been restored!

 

Maz

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  • 2 weeks later...

These posts make me sad - its a play - thank god for the EYFS - if only this countries teachers would understand it!!!

 

The child is an individual, should follow own interests. Children have very small attention span, cant sit down for too long a period - those who enjoy performing and dressing up should be encouraged and supported, those who do not surely could be given another responsibility - such as props or helping the production. Horses for courses - not every child is the same or can achieve the same as another. Attachment also comes into mind. Unless the child is secure in themselves they will not be able to perform in the way that these teachers want...

 

Which reminds me - how many teachers have studied child development in depth to include theory - as their lies the problem

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These posts make me sad - its a play - thank god for the EYFS - if only this countries teachers would understand it!!!

Let's not tar everyone with the same brush though Beauvink! :o You only have to read the posts on here to discover that there are lots of dedicated teachers out there committed to delivery of the EYFS in the best interests of the children they teach and in the face of the considerable challenges it poses.

 

Maz

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the comment beauvink made was a bit upsetting to read, teachers do study child development, at degree level!

obviously it is not ok when teachers get stressed and shout, but it is unusual and not a result of a lack of knowledge, we wouldn't be in this job if we didn't care about children developing well

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Threads like this always worry me because they make me feel I'm far too loud. My classroom is not a quiet and calm place by any means! I have a naturally loud voice, especially considering I'm such a tiny little person and I'm sure I talk far too loudly all the time. I'm also sure I spend half my time yelling instructions across the classroom from where I'm working with my focussed group like "put an apron on in the sand!", "only five people in the role play!", "play nicely!" etc.

 

The children know when I'm cross about something they've done because I actually approach them and talk to them using my firm quiet voice, at which point I always feel guilty about the look on their little faces. :o The rest of the time I think they've just got used to my bouncy and loud personality! Of course it helps that I'm so tiny, not even 5-6 year old children find me scarily tall!

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Kariana please don't worry, children adapt to different adult's personalities and soon work out how to deal with differences between people, just as we do as adults. It is part of social development and understanding human relationships. I was a noisy teacher and had lively and noisy classes, but they were all happy and learning well. There is a difference between shouting at a child in an insensitive way as mentioned in the OP's post and using a loud voice, or being assertive where necessary. Children understand the intention and if the intention is good and they trust the teacher, then all is well.

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