Guest MaryEMac Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 We heard today that the Dad of one of our little girls was found dead in suspicious circumstances last Friday. We were all so shocked. I was only speaking to him the other day. The little girl will most likely be coming back to playgroup on Wednesday so if anyone has any tips on how to deal with this,I would be grateful. She absolutely idolised her dad so it will be very hard for her. When the children were going home this morning one of them said 'my daddy's picking me up today' and we all thought of that little girl who won't be able to say that anymore. Needless to say we all had lumps in our throats when we heard that. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplewednesday1 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 My goodness, how awful. My heart goes out to the little girl and her family and of course to you and your staff too ... there have been threads about this recently and I hope you find some useful advice / support when you feel able to look for them. I'll think of you all in my prayers xxx pw x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Oh blimey...poor little girl...this is something we all hope we never have to deal with ay! Just wanted to send my best wishes to you all xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pamgreen Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 This is so sad. We are facing a similar situation. One of our children.s step dad hung himself two weeks ago. She has not returned to nursery yet. Mum is also pregnant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inge Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 there have been threads about similar recently. try a search... but as a quick summary it is often better to continue as normal , for the child to follow same routine etc and not make major changes. you are the one constant factor at the moment, and it usually helps the child to have something they are used to and which remains stable. I would find out what she has been told, to allow you to continue the same should she ask or chat about things. We found very often that they did not talk about it much, but could reveal little bits in play or ask a question at an unexpected time. We tried to talk to parent about it while child was not in ear shot, to gather information we needed. In our case it was a younger sibling who died and we had to let parents know before the child returned as they were all so used to seeing her run around ans chat to them while waiting , so it may be worht asking how parent wants to deal with this side of things, if dad had not come in to collect it may have no bneeded to be mentioned but if they are used to seeing him they may ask awkward questions.. it will be a dificult time for all Inge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 How awful, so sad. my thoughts were- isnt it a little too soon to come back! I know they need a routine, but children also need close family members around them at a time like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 What very very sad news. I shall certainly be praying for you and the child. I know that in our Authority the Educational Psychologists go into settings (pre-school and school) if there is a tragedy of this kind. Once allerted, they drop everything to visit as they want to make sure the setting staff as well as the family/child are given all the support they need. They came to us ina very similar situation and the information on how children understand death and grief, their advice and support was invaluable. I suggest you find out from your Authority if they have a similar system. Gruffalo2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upsy Daisy Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 Just make sure you are prepared for her to bring the subject up at odd moments. I work with a little girl whose mum died last year and she would suddenly (and still does occasionally) say "my mummy's dead" in the middle of a conversation or activity. If you are not ready for this it can be very hard to know how to respond immediately. Apart from that, its just business as usual but keeping a close eye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondie Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 that is so sad - we had a little girl whos dad was killed in a traffic accident - she was off for a while then returned - we spoke to mum who told us her daughter had been told daddy was now a special star the girl didnt talk about her dad but would often just blurt out things like my daddys dead - hes a special star now - i can see him at night i sleep in mummys bed now cos daddys dead she was always very matter of fact about it i think you need to know what the family have told her so you can support her in this way - obviously support mum too in anyway you can. will think of you all at this difficult time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 How terribly sad, I don't have any advice I can give but just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you and the family. Sue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Hi Mary So sorry to hear this sad news. We have also faced this issue in the past. Some great advice already. Poor little girl. She is sure to talk about her daddy, she will be trying to make sense of what has happened. There is an organisation that offers advice for bereaved children the name of which has 'dropped out of my head' ( not helpful I know) I'm sure it included books that you could read etc. Our little boy became extremely angry after a few weeks, mummy sought some help from local children's mental health team - they were fantastic - they met with him - they felt that this was all part of his 'grieving process' - rang to speak to me and confirmed that everything we were doing for him was 'right'. Sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Mary - me again If you 'google' Bereaved Children there are loads of links there - hope this helps. Sunnyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MaryEMac Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and advice. Will look up some of the things later as I am working this afternoon. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inge Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 winstons wish knew I would remember eventually.. used this site for child and also parents on several occasions ( sounds bad but in 21 years you see somethings more than you really want to) printed off bits and gave them the site address... they said it was useful, but they also had older children who were able to use the site ... Inge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 How very sad for all involved. Hope everyone gets the support they need. Nona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gezabel Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 So sorry to hear your tragic news. We had a similar situation when the father of one of our 2yr olds died in the most tragic of circumstances. I actually think young children cope better than we do!!! Alot of our 'work' was actually supporting Mum almost moreso than the child initially. Carrying on with normal preschool life is what worked for our little chap. We had several chats with Mum and eventually reached the stage of being able to ask her what her son knew and what she would like us to say. She chose to go with the 'star in the sky' idea and we followed suit as and when deemed necessary by the child. He regularly announces 'my daddy is dead' which is heartbreaking to hear but it is his way of dealing with it. Good luck with what is a very difficult time for all concerned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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