Cait Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Hi, we have a new little girl who just responds by sticking her tongue out. She can speak quite well, and will happily boss other children about, but if they speak to her, or we speak to her she puts her tongue out. If we take a photo of her engaging in activities and she's not looking, it's fine, but if she notices the camera, out comes the tongue. She doesn't smile much - in fact hardly at all. We have seen her smiling and laughing, so we know she can! Today she brought a book back to Preschool all ripped and drawn on, and put her tongue out again when I asked what had happened to it. Her home diary is ripped (only had it a week) and drawn all over. When I asked Dad what had happened, his response was 'Oh, has she' and a shrug. Now I'm not wanting to be discriminatory, but I REALLY don't want her taking books home if she's going to be given carte blanche to ruin them, so can I make a box of old books for her to choose from, or is that mean? Also - the tongue thing - any ideas? My Mum had one when she was a Teacher, back in the sixties and she kept a bar of soap in her pocket for tongues! It stopped them too. You'd never get away with that nowadays though - tempting though. hehehe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Love your mums idea cait!!!!! i was going to suggest threating to cut it off... but thats as bad as your mums suggestion... not something you could do in a child care setting..... Would she respond if you offered her a sticker for bringing her book back in one piece, with no rips etc...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narnia Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 when I had a child like this, I turned it into a bit of a joke, saying something like, 'good grief....................what an amazing tongue!! can you fit ALL of that back in your mouth??bet you can't!!'................with the result that, of course, darling child was only too keen to show that yes, he could.When he did it again, i'd repeat my comment and when he KEPT on doing it, I'd just shrug and say, 'oh gosh, not your tongue again...........................how boring'..................which might seem mean, but it worked once he realised that we weren't going to respond by being shocked/annoyed/or resond in any kind of way that gave him attention. Now, the books............................I'm afraid I'd tell the parents that I was unhappy that they are being damaged and I wasn't going to loan any more unless parent promises to pay for replacements.That should encourage parent to ensure they are looked after. Whilst I don't think it would be mean at all to send home an older, tatty book, I do think it sends home a message that 'this book doesn't matter, so do your worst'!! I would then encourage the child to look after books in the setting, so she is getting a message that books DO matter and you regard them as precious.Could she then be given one to keep in her drawer at the setting, so she can bring it out to share with staff??That way, she gets nice books and you get to oversee the care of them?Just another thought...............she doesn't have a sibling who might have done the damage???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gezabel Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Today she brought a book back to Preschool all ripped and drawn on, and put her tongue out again when I asked what had happened to it. Her home diary is ripped (only had it a week) and drawn all over. When I asked Dad what had happened, his response was 'Oh, has she' and a shrug. Now I'm not wanting to be discriminatory, but I REALLY don't want her taking books home if she's going to be given carte blanche to ruin them, so can I make a box of old books for her to choose from, or is that mean? Oh dear not a great response from Dad I think it is important (but not easy) to get the message across to the child and the parents that books are treated with care. I understand that you don't want her to miss out on taking books home and can see the idea behind providing a box of old books to choose from. However, I wonder if by doing this you would be kind of saying 'it's OK to ruin these because they are old books' ?? which would really be sending mixed messages. It's a little difficult to be precise about what I would do without knowing the child/parents involved and though how we deal with such things is perhaps 'the same across the board' the way we actually handle it one-to-one with parents of course varies. In general terms you have lost one book and it can't carry on and the parents need to know, it could be a serious dicssuion with them or there again it could be a brief, light-hearted comment to get the message across I love Narnia's response to the tongue problem and her suggestion about the book sounds good too, that way the child will not miss out on books and with your support can hopefully learn how to treat them properly. I would be tempted to let the one ruined book 'go' and let her take another one home having explained to the child and parents about bringing it back in one piece. If that doesn't happen then I think I would adopt 'no more books going home' and work with her in the setting giving lots of time with books/support. I don't think it is discriminatory to not allow her to take books home - it's treating each child as an individual and at this moment in time she perhaps isn't ready to take books home but with help hopefully she soon will be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inge Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 we did similar to Narnia for tongue issue...and then ignored it , or commented how boring, . In our case we discovered that when she did it at home they all laughed and said how cute, so she felt it was a way to get positive attention, by ignoring it we found she gave up, children learnt to ignore it too and amazingly no one copied her... she still did it to mum and at home though! It was also other behaviour boundaries we ad to set form the start as she had few at home.everything she did was cute or fine by parents. I too would discuss book damage and replacement costs.. perhaps set up a new policy for all parents that any damage books must be paid for in full so a replacement can be bought. Inge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 How old is she Cait? Is she old enough to understand something like "We don't like to see each others tongues here (making a distinction between whatever happens at home doesn't happen in setting) if you manage to keep your tongue in your mouth just like everyone else you can be special helper at.............. As for the books issue - well............ a word with parents and one more chance, maybe. Sunnyday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 She's 3 and a half - plenty old enough to know that it's not acceptable. Today I just said 'tongue away please', and this afternoon I added 'and I don't want to see it any more today, thankyou'. We've done all the 'we don't do that here, can you get all that back in' type of thing without response - in fact it seemed to make it worse. So today very casual about it. Other children telling her too 'tongue away please' mimicking me (very funny at one point - even a 'hands on hips' from one girl to say it). As to the ripped book, I spoke to Dad this morning when I noticed she'd chosen a newish book, I said 'please can you make sure that when you have read the book with her that it goes in her bag out of the way, and she doesn't have it unsupervised, as she has damaged some books that she has taken home. I understand that these things happen, and we accept that some damage is inevitable, but she has damaged a few now and they are expensive to keep replacing.' He just said 'yeah' and stuffed the book into her bag. The 'writing' in the books is definitely hers, as it's a line of circles, which is how she writes her name. She does have a younger brother, but he's only a baby yet - so not his fault! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiny Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 We have a book loaning system at our preschool. When children start we ask parents permission for the children to join the system outlining that children are borrowing these books and they need to be respected. We also say that any damaged/lost books must be replaced/paid for. We decided to ask permission as a few years ago we had a parent complain that their child was bringing a book home that they simply didn't have the time to read with them and there would be a 'kick off' every evening because the child wanted to look at the book!! :wacko: We tried to explain, but .....!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cait Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 they simply didn't have the time to read with them and there would be a 'kick off' every evening because the child wanted to look at the book!! You can only say W H A T ??????????? to that, can't you? I had one a few years ago who used to flip really quickly through the pictures in the car in the morning - she was caught at it one morning by my Deputy and tried to bluff her way out of it, but she's been seen lots of times by other parents too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyday Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 You can only say W H A T ??????????? to that, can't you? I had one a few years ago who used to flip really quickly through the pictures in the car in the morning - she was caught at it one morning by my Deputy and tried to bluff her way out of it, but she's been seen lots of times by other parents too Or you could say pl..e..a....se!!! I would! What is wrong with these people?!? Sunnyday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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