Considering Giving It All Up

[Guest]

I have had a pretty confidence damaging experience in my 'new job' this week and without going into too much detail, I am seriously considering giving up this profession altogether.

 

I find it very difficult to work in settings where the health and safety of the children is compromised and have worked in many settings where this is the case. Unfortunately, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut when I see things that I believe are dangerous or detrimental to the children and this has lost me many a job in the past. I have seriously tried to keep quiet on occasions, but I don't feel that it is right.

 

I'm doing the FD as everyone knows and I find it really frustrating that I can't seem to use my newly acquired knowledge and skills to move forward. I'm fed up of being made to feel bad because I have chosen to move myself forward professionally. It's not my problem if some people are happy to remain in the same job for their working lives. I just don't choose to do that and I am fed up with receiving negative responses for this.

 

Basically, I was told that I lacked common sense and savvy and that basically I was incompetent. I apparently don't know what I'm talking about and it appears that I have lied about my experience and my latest course. My FD would say otherwise, however, as the feedback I am getting from my tutors, as well as the pass marks I am obtaining in my modules is all pretty good. My average grades are between 70 and 80%.

 

I am now back where I started, no job and very little chance of finding one that will support me in my course. This latest setback has made me think very hard if maybe I'm just not cut out for the job. I like to think that I work hard and try my best for the sake of the children, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it is me, and that I just don't have what it takes.

 

I am so down about all of this and those comments have really hurt. I have never been spoken to like this, to this extent ever. I am starting to wonder if maybe there is some truth in the comments that were made and that maybe I am wasting my time with my course and with the job.

 

I don't expect any advice (for a change!) but I wanted to vent my feelings in a 'safe' place. I am taking a few days to really think it all through and have a look for another job. If it all goes well then I will be watching carefully and analysing my every move. If not, then I'm afraid I will have to leave college and go and try something else.

 

If you got to the end of this, thanks for listening! You're all so supportive here and I know I am not the only one to have ever felt like this.

[Rea]

Good grief Clare, no wonder you're feeling upset.

Did you ask why those comments were made? Was there any justification for them to be made in such a rude way?

I had a comment made about me in front of me years ago which made me question my abilities. I took a good look at what I'd achieved, thought back over all the positive comments I'd received from parents and other professionals over the years and decided that actually I was doing ok.

It did take a long time for the confidence to really build back up but it can be done.

Why not talk to your tutor, she may have an objective view of you which isnt clouded by professional jealously.

Go and run yourself a hot bath, put on some soothing music, or some loud in ya face stuff and try to put it out of your mind for a bit.

Take care

[beth1]

Oh Clare don't give up, how many times have you told me not to, so now I am giving you the same advice. I know you didn't want advice. Why not have a word with you tutor about what you have seen maybe they will have an possible solution to the bad practice this should not be allowed to happen. I wonder what would my college tutor say about this one. Off topic I know but a student was telling us about an incdent involing pure bleach and lack of commmuncation skills. Our tutor told us it was very bad practice and this is why we are studying for the FD and Early Years Professional Status to get better proffessional in place to care for the children in a suitable way.

 

You must stay postive look how far I have come. Ok still its not the right job for me at the moment but I know if I persvier (sp) a job which will support my college day will come soon. Why not ask you personal tutor at college for advice. Maybe they will help you sell the FD course and its benefits to possible employer in which you can then sell yourself with the information in mind.

 

Good luck and a big vurtual ((((((((((hug))))))))))) from me.

 

 

Beth

[Guest MaryEMac]

So sorry to hear this Clare. I won't give advice just hugs.

((((((((((((( hug ))))))))))). Keep strong.

 

Mary

[Marion]

Don't do anything rash as you say take time to think things over. At the moment you are hurt and badly let down. Maybe the other person is also at home feeling bad about her unprofessional comments(hope so) Relax and try not to worry

[Andreamay]

sending you love and a big hug Claire

[Guest]

Gosh Clare - I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. That's appalling. Thinking of you.

[JacquieL]

Give yoursellf a bit of space Clare and lots of hugs from me.

[Lucie]

oh clare, i was so sad to read your post.

I really hope that you don't give up. I have read many of your posts in the past and can see that you are really competent in what you do.

Take a little time to really think about his and im sure you'll see that you are doing what is best.

xx

[Posy]

Big hug from me Claire, you know where I am if you want to talk

Posy

[hali]

oh claire im so sorry, give it time, lots of hugs

[Guest]

CLARE SO SORRY TO HEAR YOUR HAVING A BAD TIME, TAKE A LITTLE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT ALL, CHILDCARE NEEDS GOOD PRACTITIONERS LIKE YOU, DON'T GIVE UP!

Edited March 8, 2007 by Guest

[Susan]

Take care, Clare. Dont do anything hastily.

 

You havent been in this job long have you?? I'm losing track!

[Guest]

8 years now in total. Just feel drained by it all. Thaks for all your hugs and kind words

[Susan]

sorry, meant in your present setting?

 

8 years is a long time not to know what you are talking about!!

[Guest Wolfie]

Like Susan, I thought you'd only just started this job? Take time to step back and have a good think about the situation- as someone else said, you might find that the person involved realises the injustice of what they have done and said and comes to you to apologise. All your posts point to the fact that you are an enthusiastic and committed early years practitioner....our profession needs to hang onto people like you!

[SmileyPR]

Oh, Clare ! How sad does it sound! I feel sorry for you, yet I don't know what to say. I don't what to just answer to answer. It is late and I am very sleepy, so I am afraid I would not give you what you need most. Please do be sure that I will have you in my prayers. A very big hug for you.

[Guest]

I was offered the job and started last week but was told on Tuesday that I lacked common sense and savvy and I was therefore really unsuitable for the job. I was told not to bother coming back. I know it is only a week, but it has really brought me down.

[Guest]

Oh Clare I am so sorry for you.

Maybe someone was having a bad day?

It doesn't seem right that you are not being given a fair chance. As someone asked earlier, is there any way you can question what precisely is the problem? I agree with Susan, you can't have been in the profession 8 years without having common sense and savvy!

Try not to let the comments fester - have faith in yourself.

Take care

Fox xx

[Guest Wolfie]

Oh, Clare how horrible for you, I'm so sorry - we're all here for you.

[aliamch]

Like everyone else Clare, I'm absolutely gobsmacked. Don't start to doubt yourself, you know you have the savvy and more than enough common sense to do a job you are so dedicated too. Surely these people can't just decide they don't want you back after a week? Take care

Karrie

[nicki-k]

Hi Clare

 

I haven't been on the forum for a while (computer problems) so have missed your job change. I don't know the circumstances of your new job but if you have only been doing it for one week then it sounds to me like your employer, for some reason, is looking for any reason to get rid of you - maybe they know someone else who wants your job! One week is not enough time to judge anyone (unless they are blatantly incompetent, which you are very obviously not going by all of your good advice, ideas and enthusiasm since you joined the forum).

 

Can you arrange to have a meeting with your employer to discuss this further?

 

I wish you lots of luck and hope this situation resolves itself. Don't let one person undermine everything you are working so hard for to achieve.

[Guest]

I think the decision was purely financial, they offered me a huge pay rise (which was part of the lure of the job) for less hours. I would have been earning the same money part time, as I would have done at the last nursery working full time. I think they had a re-think and decided that they couldn't stretch to it. Basically I was sacked. I was in the job for a week and in that time, received three hours training (it was a senior role) and was then told to run things according to their policies and procedures.

 

I think to a degree I perhaps wasn't as ready for the role as I 'bigged myself up' to be, but I do believe that with a bit more training (well, certainly more than three hours!) I could have done the job to the level they were expecting.

 

It is really horrible to be called a liar and basically incompetent, yes I did blow my own trumpet as you do when you go for jobs, but I did not lie about my qualifications or experience and I just feel now like there's no real point in carrying on with it all.

 

The girls at college have been fantastic and have made me see that if nothing else, I should at least finishe the first year of the FD (we're half way through now) because at least I will walk out of there with a Level 4 which is something, but if the first half of the year is anything to go by, I'm not sure I can do it.

[Deb]

What a horrible thing to hear! No wonder you are feeling down. You clearly can be neither with 8 years experience and knowledge as evidenced in your posts.

 

I know how it feels to say 'you won't believe what's happened', and not being able to go into detail.

 

Believe in yourself, we get all fired up about good practice and yet not everybody has the same enthusiasm.

 

Big hug!!

[Guest]

Claire,

It seems to me that their recruitment process is to blame, if they were looking for someone who could just step into the role with very minimal training then this is what they should have been recruiting for. As you say this does not mean that you could not do the role, given a suitable amount of support and training. There will be employers out there who see potential and are prepared to invest in training staff, and they surely will be better people to work for. Perhaps the aspect of training is something you could bring up at your next interview? I really don't think that you would have been happy working for this company, by what you have said, so it probably is for the best that it was all over quite quickly. Use this to spur you on. Get your FD, and get a job where you will be nurtured, and allowed to develop to reach your full potential.

[Susan]

Oh Clare, you really are unlucky. It all sounded so good too but was obviously too good to be true.

You seem to be having bad year job wise and I can understand why you feel so low. Is there any chance that you could get some agency work to rebuild your confidence?

I do think that despite the setbacks you are unlikely to be happy in another role after so long in childcare although a school position might suit? We need good people there too.

 

Dont make any hasty decisions and give yourself time to get over the shock that this has been. Good luck.

[Guest]

Clare, I agree with all the advice and I am really sorry you have been treated so badly. It is definitely an object lesson for those of us with responsibility for staff to really make sure we are treating everyone with respect and being totally fair with them - that's my head talking - with my heart I do feel if that's how they treat people you are better off finding out now and walking away with less heartache than if you struggled on.... what a tough place to be in.....

To cheer you up did you see Karrie's (aliamch's) avatar on her post higher up? It caught me by surprise and made me smile - I hope the smile's catching! Try and enjoy your weekend. xxx

[Deb]

Just wanted to add. some 25 years ago when I was first married (just moved away from home too), I found I was in the wrong job. I knew within the first week (by mutual consent). It was an awful feeling but I found another job which was just right for me (was not in childcare then).

 

Some years later, my next employer noticed this on my CV. It wasn't a problem, it's OK to say that job wasn't right for me, the interviewer had been in the same position.

 

You are clearly capable of doing the job, with support and training you would have been able to grow into it. I think it's very unreasonable of them to expect you to hit the ground running. A week is not enough time to familiarise yourself with all policies and procedures and the ethos of the setting.

 

Your confidence will have taken a severe knock, try to put this experience into the perspective of all you have achieved. Think the idea of doing agency work is a very good one, as it could boost your confidence again.

 

Chin up!

[Guest]

Thought I would update you all on my progress this week!

 

After lengthy discussions with my college friends I have decided to at least stick this year out on the course but this means that I have to find a job pretty soon in order to continue.

 

On Friday of last week, I attended an interview at a day nursery ver close to me. The manager said she was only looking for someone to work part time, and I told her this suited me fine, what with college and everything. The only trouble I can forsee is the lack of references from my last two jobs. The manager at the DN I was working in has refused to give me a reference (I knew she would, anything to make life difficult) and obviously the second job lasted only a week and in view of the comments that were made to my face, I dread to think of what they would put in a written reference. The manager told me she would call back this week with an appointment for a second interview.

 

Today, whilst shopping, I received a phone call from a nursery company with whom I had left my details with months ago and was apparently kept on the system. Anyway, I have been offered an interview for Wednesday and this job is for job share, so again, not full time hours. The manager of this nursery has said she specifically wants someone who is studying the FD as she is doing it too in a local college. This is a brand new nursery being opened by an established company within the local area.

 

So, all things considered, I am feeling much more positive about things. I have started reading Daniel Goleman's book about emotional intelligence, first as part of my study and now because it is interesting, with some useful points to consider, so hopefully I will be able to develop skills which will ensure I don't end up in hot water again!

 

To celebrate, I have bought myself a laptop out of my transformation fund bursary, so there is no way I'm giving it up now!

 

I have spent all this week catching up on work I was too tired to do when working full time and for a change I am up to date! I can't tell you how good it feels to not be stressing about that.

 

However, my good mood could disappear tomorrow as we are getting the results of our latest module assignment . I hate this bit of the course, hence the late night tonight.

 

I know this has been a really long post, so all that's left to say is a big thank you to all of you who offered advice. By not rushing into a decision, I feel a lot more positive for waiting and watching to see what would happen.

 

You are all fab and I don't know what I would do without you.

 

Clare xxx

[Deb]

Well done Clare, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger! Or something like that.

 

Didn't think anybody oould refuse to give a reference or indeed give a bad one, they could however give a poor reference by omission of certain comments.

 

Would someone else in the nursery give you a reference? Is there a Personnel Dept at head office, or a chairperson, they should know employment law.

 

What about your college tutor? Previous employers?

 

Good luck.